They would never say...
-
Treguard: 'You know, Majida, you claim to be a genie, but you've never granted me any wishes.'
Majida: 'OK, OK. Three wishes you have. Take some time to think abou-'
[Pickle appears in the antechamber; Majida disappears and reappears in the Corridor of Blades; Hordriss appears in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans, and dances.]
-
Majida: He is too easy, this is not hard enough
All look at her in shock
Majida: Well I had to learn proper English sooner or later you know
Dungeoneer is adventuring when suddenly they see a strange group
Advisors: Ok it appears to be a Dwarf, an Elf, a wizard, 2 men and some hobbits.
Goblin horn sounds
Gandalf: Quick we must flee from the goblins
Dungeoneer: That is the way to level 2 though!
Goblins chase fellowship and dungeoneer over Moria, Gandalf is attacked by Balrog and falls down bridge as Skarkill watches
Skarkill: Lovely!
-
Dreadnought [approaching Dungeoneer]: 'Going a trifle fast, weren't we, madam? Blow into this... OK, you're clear. You may pass; but if I catch you again, I'll take points off your license; maybe three, perhaps six...'
Mellisandre and Motley go into a restaurant. Mogdred, the maitre d', shows them to a table.]
Mogdred: As for you who dine: Look upon menus! Look upon menus, and quail!
Motley: Why?
Mogdred: I meant, I recommend the quail a l'orange, or as a vegetarian option, the spaghetti napolitana.
[Shortly, a waiter comes over. It is Ross, the Series 3 Dungeoneer whose quest had been to find Mellisandre.]
Ross: May I take your orders?
Mellisandre: Curry, Ross, curry!
-
Skarkill Catches A Dungoneer.
Skarkill: "RIGHT GOTCH YER. Skarkills caught yer hasn't he.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....BEAUTIFUL"
Dungeoneer: Errr. Don't You Mean LOVELY.
Skarkill: Naar Got Tired of That Thought I'd Try Someret different.
Dungoneer: You Sound Like Bernerd Matthews.
-
Treguard: Welcome watchers, to Dungeon Wars! Where we get two geeky kids from weird locations to slog it out guided by advisors. Now lets see that metal cough I mean flesh, Fly!
Dungeoneers begin to fight
Advisors: Ok punch left, bit more ok now!
Treguard: Who cares if we rip off Robot Wars, no one is watching anymore!
-
(1995)
Treguard: Ah, greetings, dear travellers. Welcome to another season of Knightm-
(Council worker enters): Stop!
Treguard: Sorry, what?
Council worker: You haven't paid any rent on this place for the past 9 years.
Treguard: But-
Council worker: So we've decided to knock this place down.
Treguard: But-
Council worker: You'd better get a move on. The new tenant will be here any minute.
Treguard: I knew I shouldn't have left Majida to do the paperwork.
(New tenant enters. He wears a mullet)
Pat Sharp: I have great plans for this place!
Treguard: You? Nooooo!
(By the way, I'm fully aware of the overlapping timelines of KM and Fun house. I just choose to ignore them)
-
(Documentary about KM)
Interviewer: So, Hugo. It must have been quite an experience pretending to be a 'Dungeon Master'.
Treguard: Hu-go? Who is this 'Hu-go'? I'm Treguard, conqueror of this dungeon and on the side of the Powers That Be.
Interviewer: Yes, but it was only a TV show.
Treguard: T...V? Is that some kind of technomagic that only Lord Fear has?
Interviewer: Hugo, are you alright?
Treguard: I keep telling you, only Treguard (that is my good self) lives here.
Interviewer: How long have you been here, anyway?
Treguard: I've been waiting for nine years for the next dungeoneer. They must have got lost. Yes, that must be it.
Interviewer: I'll be leaving now, Hugo.
Treguard: If you keep calling me that, I'll put you in the corridor of blades.
Interviewer: What, a blue screen with computer-generated imagery?
Treguard: What on earth are you talking about?
Interviewer: Look Hugo. This is a studio, or 'set' made to look like a dungeon. It isn't a real dungeon. You are deluding yourself!
Treguard: I don't know who you are talking to, but my name isn't Hugo..
-
Majilda: "OH, I love you Treggey!"
Elita: "You are a face ache..."
Dungeoneer: "And you are a dispicable elven tart..."
Elita: "You think that was meant to hurt my feelings!"
Dungeoneer: "There was more where that came from you fat hag... You are Elita of Trouble..."
-
Mogdred: '... Look upon Mogdred, and quail!'
Dungeoneer: 'Erm, I'm sorry, I don't really know what 'quail' means. Do you know, guys?'
Advisers: 'No.'
Adviser #2: 'Oh, actually, I did 'qu-' words last week at school... but I can't remember, sorry.'
Dungeoneer: 'Is it the same as 'quiver''?
Mogdred: 'Well, no, no, not really, that wasn't the exact implication I was going for. Er... we'd better clear this up. MERLIN!' [Merlin appears]
Merlin: 'Ah, Mogdred. Nice to meet... I mean, long time no see.'
Mogdred: 'Merlin, I burned my dictionary when we were at Wizard College together, if you recall.. what does 'quail' mean, exactly?'
Merlin: 'Well, it signifies various types of bird. And, by implication, it can be taken to mean a courtesan...'
Treguard: [Holds his head in his hands; mutters under his breath] D-I-S, M-I-S-S, pleeease...'
-
Mogdred: '... Look upon Mogdred, and quail!'
Dungeoneer: 'Erm, I'm sorry, I don't really know what 'quail' means. Do you know, guys?
Advisers: 'No.'
Adviser #2: 'Oh, actually, I did 'qu-' words last week at school... but I can't remember, sorry.'
Dungeoneer: 'Is it the same as 'quiver''?
Mogdred: 'Well, no, no, not really, that wasn't the exact implication I was going for. Er... we'd better clear this up. MERLIN!' [Merlin appears]
Merlin: 'Ah, Mogdred. Nice to meet... I mean, long time no see.'
Mogdred: 'Merlin, I burned my dictionary when we were at Wizard College together, if you recall.. what does 'quail' mean, exactly?'
Merlin: 'Well, it signifies various types of bird. And, by implication, it can be taken to mean a courtesan...'
Treguard: [Holds his head in his hands; mutters under his breath] D-I-S, M-I-S-S, pleeease...'
Now that was funny ;D
Treguard: How do you get through a locked door with no key...
Advisor No1: Don't be stupid, it's just a holographic lock... Watch... Walk FORWARD!
SHRRAAAAKOOOOOW! (Dungeoneer melts...)
Treguard: Oh dear, that was a bit shocking team...
Advisor No3: Can you cut the terrible rhyming and puns already
-
Giles enters the dungeon of series four, only to see that a "FOR-SALE" sign has been erected. Suddenly, Dooris appears, weeping as usual.
Giles: What is the matter?
Dooris: Ohh dead, dear, dear... Ohh this is terrible...
Giles: I can see that... Why are you crying?
Dooris: I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die...
Giles Why? What's going on...
Dooris: The dungeon is up for sale. I'm going to miss asking you questions and lowering myself to form your path...
Giles: Not in this life time... Right! Treguard! TREGUARD! If see another one of these again because you are getting sick of the designs see that I am going to D,I,S,M,I,S,S you...
-
Fidjit is intoducing himself to a dungoneer.
Fidjit: Fidjit's the name, Master Locksmith and Thief there's no door I can't...
Voice of screen: HAY WHATS YOUR GAME THEN MATTY ?
Motley: Its my job to help Helmet Heads like him through the dungon. So go on get out of it.
Fidjit: But?
Tregaurd: OHHH NASTY
Dungeoneer: Whats happaning guys ?
Advisors: Errr Motley just cloberd Fidjit.
-
Treguard: 'Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be, Meatloaf.'
-
ADVISOR: Right, you're in Marblehead now...
LORD FEAR: Ahh...I've been waiting for you, adventurer - I have a proposition for you.
DUNGEONEER: suspicious What's that?
LORD FEAR: Let's say we put all this feuding behind us - live as one in the Knightmare realm. What do you say?
DUNGEONEER: You what?
LORD FEAR: Sit! Please do! Tea and scones, nonetheless - one lump or two?
DUNGEONEER: Tea? And scones? With you?
LORD FEAR: Come, come - don't you think this is all a bit childish now? We could put our minds to greater things!
DUNGEONEER: thoughtfully Well...I HAVE been wanting to learn Shakespeare...
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