What would they have said?
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Pickle: Well after Knightmare then I watched the next episode and I was shocked, "A genie! Where's the fun in that? For a while I starred in a performance of Oliver Twist with Sly Hands as Fagin. I applied to host Countdown but I was rejected. These days i've returned to my roots quite literally as I am back in the forest.
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Lillith: "Oh, I've turned down simply hundreds of offers. What? No, not ALL of them were to play a Wicked Stepmother. I thought I needed a break, that was all. And may I take this opportunity to say the rumours about my humbug addiction after I was sacked- I mean, after I decided there was little more the show could offer me as a performer- are completely untrue. *[moves to stand in front of a cupboard filled with half-empty jars and pushes the doors shut] * And yes, I am working again now in a highly fulfilling role. Every day after filming of The Weakest Link I leave the BBC Studios dressed in her clothes and *[just managing to restrain the tears] *get pelted with vegetables and rocks from all the angry contestants and members of the public, so she can escape safely. What's that? No, my teeth aren't gritted. I really enjoy the role, I do." *[lip quivers as she turns and grabs a humbug jar and eagerly rummages inside] *
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You've been reading my site too much!
Hmm, in all honesty, I haven't read anything like that there. If it is there, we've evidently come up the something like the same idea separately.
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No I'm just talking about the general tone. I'm a bad influence.
Oh, I see. I think a lot of use use that tone anyway, teehee.
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Pickle: "Well after KM, I tried going to Panto as Peter Pan, but they said they didn't like the pointed ears look, so I auditioned for numerous Vulcans for Star Trek. But they said the actors wore false ears, and the eyebrows were artificial as well. They thought that I looked a little too real for the roles!
Then I thought we all hit it big a couple of years back. Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter was in development. A whole load of old KM veterans went down there to audition; Merlin (Gandalf/Dumbledore), Treguard (Sirius Black), Hordriss (Saruman), Sidriss, even Fatilla auditioned for Hagrid! I would have had the role of Frodo or Legolas easily, but when they came to accept me, well......they wanted my name! So I told them to "Bog Off, you're not having my name! Stick your Frodo role in the Woods for all I care!"
Next thing I know, Elijah Wood became Frodo!!!! How, I will never know!
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Julius: Well, after I left the dungeon then I had a serious alcohol addiction and I was at the centre of a Trading Standards investigation into some blackmarket potions, so after that had finished I decided it was time to make an honest living so I founded a potatoe farm in Hull.
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Raptor: Well After The work for his Lordness Dried up I went back to Pirateing but because of me reputation from the dungon for incompetance no one would have me on there ship.
So I now Be running a Inn on a dock called "The Spirt Of Dead Dungeoneers."
The Miremen make good waiters.
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Goblin: Well, believe it or not there isn't really a lot of jobs that require goblins besides dungeoneer extermination. So we were obviously very angry to find the series ended. In fact Tiny ate several cameramen. we do childrens parties now and the occasional Knightmare fan convention. Good stuff I suppose but the KM days were always the best.
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Goblins: continued Yeah well, in retrospect like then we should have accepted the offer of a present from Julie. It turns out that green gem was very rare and worth a fortune. Of course in clubbing her to death we only went and smashed it. Ah well, what is done is. Que Sera and all that!
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Actor who played "Goblin #3":
You know, darling, I had to work with some rank amateurs, and the mask really chafed at my face. Yes, I was somewhat disappointed I wasn't credited as "Lead Goblin", although I think it was obvious from the scenes themselves that I was the goblin all the others took their lead from. Tim Child did take me to one side and said how central I was to the show working, which was nice of him. He was such a love, really, although he never did get back to me about my ideas for possible storylines involving "Lead Goblin", So I just had to improvise character development, which is never ideal, and you never know if the director and producer approve of your interpretation, you know?
The final straw was when my club disappeared from my dressing room. Obviously it was some extra trying to feather their own nest, but all the crew offered me instead was a little knife. "A KNIFE?" I said. "How am I supposed to be convincing as Lead Goblin with a KNIFE?" Clearly they hadn't thought as much about goblin society as I had, which I found disappointing. Honestly, I think the audience would have just laughed had "Lead Goblin" abandoned his club in favour of a knife! And I wouldn't blame them, I really wouldn't, dear! Yes, I do think that marked the beginning of the end for the show. The character of Lead Goblin had always given it a focus, a purpose, but without it there was a hole, a gap, something missing, you know? It was sad, really, I did so enjoy the role and Lead Goblin had become almost like a cherished old friend to me. What? No, they didn't let me keep the mask.
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Casper The Door Knocker: Hello, yes well after KM finished I was kidnapped at an autograph signing, I was taken to a blacksmiths and turned into this doorknocker. I assume from this I had an obsessive fan following and the poor dears didn't want to see me put into diss use, I mean I can't help but feel a bit sad now KM was over. As soon as my time on the show was over then it was just so boring. I watched it a bit and EVERY door was open and those that weren't had normal keys
I mean who doesn't want a talking key... Casper's voice is silence as someone raps him very hard against the door in the hope to be let in.
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