They would never say...
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A blocker- Ooo, i've just been reading an article on the dangers of red meat. I don't think i'll feed on you, tubby.
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Dungeoneer (Riding on Smirkenorff): Can you land?
Smirkenorff: If you use some manners, I will.
Dungeoneer (Riding on Smirkenorff): Abashcraft.
Smirkenorff: What's that supposed to mean? Backwards, forwards or blast off. Speak English.
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Whilst we're on the theme;
Smirky; "Alright what do you have for me? Oh great, another green gem! What I always wanted! I dont know, I just said to Elita that I thought green gems were pretty, that doesnt mean that I wanted one. And then everybody thought all they had to do to get a ride of me was to give me a green gem! I'm a dragon, what use is a green gem to a dragon?!"
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Morghana: So, Martin, you've come this far in the dungeons, but I'll let you win. After all, there's been no winners this season.
Smirkenorff: Sorry, I can't fly right now, I have a huge pain in my wings.
Majida: I really like you Treguard, let's get married.
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(This one probably belongs in the Jokes thread...)
Pickle: 'Master, what's that scent you're wearing?'
Treguard: 'Hugo Boss.'
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S1:
Room 1:
Advisor: You're in a room, and there's four exits; one seems to have a skull on, another has got a quest item icon, another has got a bomb on it and there's a fire exit on the far right.
Dungeoneer: Well, weren't we told to always take the right path?
Advisor 2: I'm not sure if that's-
Advisor 1: Yes, let's take the fire exit...
(Dungeoneer goes through fire exit and ends up backstage, near exit of studios)
Folly is smoking a cigarette and Lillith is flirting with one of the stage crew
Folly: At least one of us should not be here...
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[Sir Hugh has fallen over in Wolfenden. Sylvester Hands walks past.]
Sir Hugh: I say - excuse me!
Hands: Yeah? What've I done?
Sir Hugh: Yes, hello. I've had another run-in with Hordriss. He's cast a spell so that my feet are now attached to my wrists, whilst my hands are attached to my ankles. Deucedly difficult to walk - that's why I've fallen over. I'm Sir Hugh de Wittless. Who might you be?
Hands: I'm Sylvester 'Ands. Y'know, 'ands, like feet, but...
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I don't think this one's been done yet (and actually, now I think about, it may belong on the "I had a silly idea" thread).
Lord Fear: "Any last, weak, grovelly requests before I squish you up extra crispy with a fireball, little Dungeoneer?"
Dungeoneer: "Well if I have to go out, I'd like to go out on a song..."
Lord Fear: "Oh how predictably pathetic. Go on then, get it over with, then I'll shrivel you down to the size of a silverfish's genital warts..."
Dungeoneer: "There may be trouble aheeeead...
But while there's moonlight and music
And love and romaaaaance...
Let's face the music... and dance!"
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Aesandre: Cor blimey, it's a bit taters! Brrr. I'd better stick the 'eating on.
[Merlin walks into the hairdressers: Haircare By Giles.]
Giles: Hello, Sir, what can I do for you?
Merlin: Ah, yes, I'm hoping for a change of style. Please give me... a Hordriss! [Merlin chuckles]
[Giles presses a button, and seat restraints shoot across Merlin's chair.]
Giles: A Pat Sharp, did you say, Sir? OK then...
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Aesandre: Lord Fear, your courtship grows tiresome. I have snowmen in Winteria more appealing than you.
Lord Fear: How dare you? I... I don't know what to say.
Aesandre: Try expressing yourself through 1980s popular music lyrics.
Lord Fear: I must say, Queen Aesandre, that [gets up and sings, with backing music kicking in] 'You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love...'
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Treguard: Why don't we do what the french do on Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe for a change? Which means, if your dungeoneer loses, I pick one of you advisors to be the next dungeoneer.
(Clip from Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe.)
Master of the Castle: (Edited) Bouffo, why are you going to the toilet for?
Bouffo (Jester): Oui Oui.
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