Confusion
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Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!
(Spot the homage ;D)
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"You can't hit me, I'm not really here. Presence is a nebulous term and therefore all possible presumption that I am truly here is foolishness in the extreme, so any attempt to strike at someone who is not definitively there could be construed as definitively impossible, and the product of the impulses of a deranged mind. You don't wish everyone to assume you have a deranged mind do you? Well do you? No I thought not. So you aren't going to strike at me, seeing that I'm not here are you? And why are you still here talking to me anyway? I'M NOT HERE! Talking to someone who, by definition, is not really present, is also the product of a deranged mind. So you should turn around and walk away right now, with a spring in your step, your head held high, happy in the knowledge that your mind is not deranged!"
This has the added benefit that not only does it save your life, it also saves you the trouble of running away as the ogre does it for you.
So if you ever get caught in a situation like that, try it out and then... well let me know how it went!
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They say that music calms the savage beast. So I would open my mouth, and sing, as er... sweetly as I could...
Somewheeere ogre the rainbow
There's a pie
It's warm, fresh and nutritious
Better to eat than I
Think that'd work? ???
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Me:"Will you marry me?"
Snowwies mom: "Your feet stink horribly dont you ever wash them!?!"
Snowwie and Snowwies mom: "You have such a beautiful face, you should be a male model"
Runs away laughing like a maniac
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