Knightmare Advert
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(Treguard walks into the room)
Treguard: Welcome, watchers. The path is once again open, so...
Pickle: Never mind that, Master, it's starting!
(Treguard notices Pickle staring at the Magic Mirror with interest)
Treguard: Starting? What are you babbling on about now, Elfwit? This phase of the dungeon has already started!
Pickle: No, no, on Challenge!
Treguard: Well, I would say it was a challenge to master the dungeon, but...
Pickle: Challenge TV, master, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7pm. Our adventures are being televised in the Watcher's world, and shown throughout their world. Ooh look, there's me!
Treguard: I see...well, I s'pose it gives budding strangers a...tutorial, if you like, on how to master the dungeon. Er, when are they being shown again?
(Pickle is still staring at the Magic Mirror)
Treguard: Pickle!
Pickle: Wha? Huh? Oh, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7pm.
Treguard: Thank you. Now, where was I? Ah yes...Enter, Stranger!
(Boyard appears)
Boyard: Jaques, the do...who the 'ell are you?
Annoucer: Knightmare. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, only on Challenge.
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WARNING: Do not read the description of this next proposed advert if you are under fifteen or are of a nervous disposition. It contains an uncensored sequence in which Fatilla the Hun can clearly be seen in his underpants, and is doubtless the product of a deranged mind i.e. mine.
[Fatilla the Hun is doing a pole dance on stage. He starts to strip... first his sash, then his tunic, then he starts to undo his trousers... fortunately at this moment the film grinds to a halt.]
VOICE OVER: "If you don't want to see the rest of this disturbing footage, watch Knightmare on Challenge? tv every weekend. Remember, if the viewing figures aren't over 500,000 every weekend... you'll get more of THIS!!!!"
[The film resumes. Fade out just as Fatilla is beginning to work down his trunks...]
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2 years old, but I'm sure we can think of lots more. Here's an idea I had today:
(An alarm clock beeps. A figure dressed in pyjamas rises up, and turns it off- we see the time is 7:59am. As he moves into the light, we see the man is Pat Sharp. He sneaks downstairs singing...)
Pat: I'm a secret Knightmare watcher...I'm trying to give it up, but it's one of those shows!
(He sneaks into the living room, turns on the TV, and starts dancing as the opening credits play)
Pat: Knightmare series oooooooone! I'm a secret Knightmare watcher!
(Suddenly, the light turns on. Pat stops, turns around in surprise, and sees Melanie and Martina there, dressed in nighties and staring at Pat. A pause, then:)
Pat: Well, what else is there to do that's a whole lotta fun at 8am?
(M&M shrug, and they all start dancing)
Pat: Knightmare Series oooooooone! I'm a secret Knightmare watcher!
Announcer: Knightmare! Weekends at 8 on Challenge!
(M&M are now either side of Pat, with their thumbs up. Pat points at the camera)
Pat: Because Sharp said so!
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