They would never say...
-
From the early series-
Treguard-"I assume you have some previous experience of quests?"
Dungeoneer- "Yes, I do."
Treguard-"I don't believe you. In these PC days when kids are not even allowed to play conkers at school, I fail to believe you have expereince of tackling catacombites, drunken knights and mystic floating bombs, now get out of my sight for lying!"
In Lilith's chamber-
Lilith"What do you bring me to pass?"
Dungeoneer-"You live in a rocky cave with no furniture, I fail to belive your standard of living will be improved by a ruby or silken glove"
On encountering Mogdred (RIP John)
Mogdred-"Look upon Mogdred and quail!"
Dungeoneer-"I am wearing a helmet that prevents me from seeing anything that is more that 4 steps away, and besides, that hat removes any fear that your voice can enduce"
-
Dungeoneer: I challenge!
Cedric: Challenge accepted! Now leesten very carefully, I shall say thees only vonce...
Treguard: ..or will the Dungeon win once more? And if so, why should you care? I don't.
[A Season One dungeoneer has died, and we see the team in the lands beyond the castle]
Treguard (singing): Up above the streets and houses, rainbow, shining high!
Mogdred: Look upon Mogdred, look upon Mogdred and tell me how pretty I am...
Merlin: Spellcasting! D-I-S-C-O!
The raven: The second step is the conga! Rharrrk!
[A dungeoneer has died under less than difficult circumstances]
Treguard: Oooh, stupid! Spellcasting... I-D-I-O-T-S
Casper: Hello there, I'm Casper, and I'll be your fourth advisor for the next few rooms. Treguard needs the break.
-
Lissard - "Having more troubles with the pool of varacity, Lordness?"
Lord Fear - "Yes, Lissard. Now, I'm gonna tell you this one last time. Don't use this for a toilet, you've messed it all up!!!"
-
Brollachan: It's just a jump to your left,
Dungeoneer: and then a step to your ri------ght,
Brollachan: Put your hand on your hips,
Dungeoneer: And bend your knees in ti---me,
etc, etc.
Knightmare- the musical!!!
coming soon to the London Palladium!
It would work- I fancy putting a rap beat to half of the Knightmare dialogues- most of them rhymed!!
You can just see it- Assassins in the 'hoods, and sylvester nicking all da bling!!!
now- they would never say that!!!
however, Norwich seems to be quite chavved out!
-
Thank you for the positive feedback. I certainly enjoyed putting it together. (I've been told that the shield picture which I credited as Level 2 is actually Level 1.)
Series 3 Sorceress: A hex has been fixed upon me, and for the next thirty days, I'll be eating nothing but McGrew's food. That's right, I'm Morghanna Spell-Lock.
[It's just after the end of Series 4, and Giles has been kidnapped on his way home by Lord Fear.]
Giles: Does this mean I won't be home for Christmas?
Lord Fear: Shuddup, I'm talking. So the Gruagach was like, "Hey, Mogdred, my nephew really wants to run the Opposition." And Mogdred was like, "Sure, whatever, the me/Merlin scenario's been exhausted, and in any case I've always found it annoyingly derivative. Let me clear out my playpen and I'll be off. I think I'll retire to the country, I've always wanted to see an actual quail." So here I am. My name is Lord Fear, and there's nothing annoyingly derivative about that.
Giles: Continue.
Lord Fear: My minions won't arrive for another 3-5 lurking days, and I've brought you here so I have someone to show off to. The first thing I have done to make my mark is to create a new Dungeon obstacle. Something original. You've had flying blocks, you've had spinning blades... so may I present... rolling stones!
[LF brings up an image in his crystall ball. It shows a chamber with members of The Rolling Stones sitting on a bench, holding axes and looking bored.]
Lord Fear: So, what do you think?
Giles: [Peering at the image] Keith Richards is beginning to show his age.
Lord Fear: [After falling off his chair and laughing until he cries] Give that boy an eyeshield!
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Saturday 06 May 2006, 17:12, to negate the double posting.]
[A dungeoneer enters a clue room, and takes the food (a Vegemite sandwich) from the clue table. Suddenly a didgeridoo is heard, and an upside-down wall monster appears.]
Wall Monster: G'day! I'm Wallaby of Ligend, and this is Dungeoneer Cell Block 1. 'Fraid I can't let you nick me tucker without asking you a few questions. So here's me first. With a little understanding, what can you find?
Dungeoneer: The perfect blend.
Wallaby: Streuth, accepted! Here's me second. Where is nixt door?
Dungeoneer: Only a footstep away.
Wallaby: Streuth, accepted! Pretty good, mate. Now here's me third. Can you hear can you hear the thunder?
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Wednesday 05 July 2006, 16:52, to negate the double posting.]
Voiceover: Twelve years ago, a crack Northguard unit was sent into exile by a CITV court for a crime they didn't commit. These men escaped to the Sci-Fi Channel. Today, still wanted by Watchers, they survive as reruns on Challenge. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The K-Team.
Mr. T(reguard): I pity the fool who don't know left from right!
[Murlin arrives, tells him that Sylvester Face has been kidnapped, and says that they're going to rescue him on Smirkenorff.]
Mr. T(reguard): You crazy fool! I ain't gettin' on no dragon!
[Meanwhile, Colonel Fear is preparing a new Life Force clock, similar to the Series 8 one.]
Colonel Fear: I love it when a flan comes together!
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Sunday 23 July 2006, 18:21, to negate the double posting.]
Team 6 of Series 8 (Dunstan and co): Short Cut? No way! We're here to do this properly or not at all. And if you're strapped for time, edit out Majida so you can show our whole quest. Even if you're not strapped for time, in fact. Anyways, onwards to Level Two!
Golgarach: Here is my third. What is the-
[Temporal disruption bell sounds.]
Golgarach: I've started so I'll finish...
-
Dungeoneer enters a room and the advisors describe the room and, after a long pause, all stare at Treguard
Treguard: "Not sure what your looking at me for team for I have no knowledge of this room or any hints for you to proceed."
Advisor: "So can I help him through the protal to begin his quest then?"
-
Treguard:
"There is an important Quest Card at the Guild for you."
"It seems you've mastered the Combat Multiplier"
Lord Fear:
"Ade due damballa, give me the power, I beg of you...
-
In A.D. 1991 quest was beginning...
Treguard: What happen?
Pickle: Someone set us up the bomb.
We get signalTreguard: What.
Pickle: Magic Mirror turn on.
(Lord Fear materializes in the mirror)
Treguard: It's you.
Lord F: How are you gentlemen.
All your quest are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.Treguard: What you say!!
Lord F: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Ha ha ha.Pickle: Master!!
(Treguard guides dungeoneer to the portal to begin the quest)
Treguard: Take off every ZIG.
You know what you doing. Move ZIG For great justice!! -
Treguard: And now, to begin our latest quest, please welcome my glamourous assistant, Majida! (nothing happens) Majida? (shouting) Majida!!!
-
Brother Strange: "Tell me a poem and I'll give you a spying apparatus"
Fidjit: "Ever heard of Abus or Yale by any chance?"
Brollochan: "Feed my hunger---"
Dungeoneer: "Shut it rubber HEAD!"
Dungeoneer gets captured by Skarkill
Treguard: "Use what weapons you may have and use them NOW!"
Advisor: You know the plan mate? Splice his nadgers in two!
Dungeoneer: (Size 10 steel-toe capped Dr.Martins)
///CRASH!!!//\
-
Dreadnaught: All systems, go Telesonic!
-
Lord Fear: Let's be Hens!
And just to prove that I'm not completely insane...
http://www.interfunt.com/hens/default.htm
P.S.
Drassil, your Knightmare burp is very funny, I've just never mentioned it because I don't want to sound like a creep.
-
Advisor: Whats on the table?
Dungeoneer: There is a Candle, A bottle of whiskey, A bazooka and some acid rounds!
Advisor: Take the whiskey, put it in your knapsack
Dungeoneer: Shall we take the bazooka?
Advisor: Yeah
GOLGARACH APPEARS
Golgarach: Hold intruder, touch nothing else and face me
Dungeoneer: (Loading Bazooka) Yeah, yeah be with you in a minute (Cocks the gun)
Golgarach: Face me now!
Dungeoneer: (Readying) Okay!
SWINGS ROUND AND FIRES! GOLGARACH MELTS UNDER THE POWERFUL ACTION OF THE ACID AND EXPLOSION
Treguard: Congratulations team, you've defeated the wall monster (murmers) the wrong way... Ahem
-
Mildred: It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to Professor Snape a little more in potions class.
-
Treguard: "And remember: If there's someone crying in the West, we'll wipe away their tears. If someone's going hungry in the East, we'll go and feed them homemade cooking. That is our noble mission as the Powers that Be."
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