They would never say...
-
Lissard - "Having more troubles with the pool of varacity, Lordness?"
Lord Fear - "Yes, Lissard. Now, I'm gonna tell you this one last time. Don't use this for a toilet, you've messed it all up!!!"
-
Brollachan: It's just a jump to your left,
Dungeoneer: and then a step to your ri------ght,
Brollachan: Put your hand on your hips,
Dungeoneer: And bend your knees in ti---me,
etc, etc.
Knightmare- the musical!!!
coming soon to the London Palladium!
It would work- I fancy putting a rap beat to half of the Knightmare dialogues- most of them rhymed!!
You can just see it- Assassins in the 'hoods, and sylvester nicking all da bling!!!
now- they would never say that!!!
however, Norwich seems to be quite chavved out!
-
Thank you for the positive feedback. I certainly enjoyed putting it together. (I've been told that the shield picture which I credited as Level 2 is actually Level 1.)
Series 3 Sorceress: A hex has been fixed upon me, and for the next thirty days, I'll be eating nothing but McGrew's food. That's right, I'm Morghanna Spell-Lock.
[It's just after the end of Series 4, and Giles has been kidnapped on his way home by Lord Fear.]
Giles: Does this mean I won't be home for Christmas?
Lord Fear: Shuddup, I'm talking. So the Gruagach was like, "Hey, Mogdred, my nephew really wants to run the Opposition." And Mogdred was like, "Sure, whatever, the me/Merlin scenario's been exhausted, and in any case I've always found it annoyingly derivative. Let me clear out my playpen and I'll be off. I think I'll retire to the country, I've always wanted to see an actual quail." So here I am. My name is Lord Fear, and there's nothing annoyingly derivative about that.
Giles: Continue.
Lord Fear: My minions won't arrive for another 3-5 lurking days, and I've brought you here so I have someone to show off to. The first thing I have done to make my mark is to create a new Dungeon obstacle. Something original. You've had flying blocks, you've had spinning blades... so may I present... rolling stones!
[LF brings up an image in his crystall ball. It shows a chamber with members of The Rolling Stones sitting on a bench, holding axes and looking bored.]
Lord Fear: So, what do you think?
Giles: [Peering at the image] Keith Richards is beginning to show his age.
Lord Fear: [After falling off his chair and laughing until he cries] Give that boy an eyeshield!
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Saturday 06 May 2006, 17:12, to negate the double posting.]
[A dungeoneer enters a clue room, and takes the food (a Vegemite sandwich) from the clue table. Suddenly a didgeridoo is heard, and an upside-down wall monster appears.]
Wall Monster: G'day! I'm Wallaby of Ligend, and this is Dungeoneer Cell Block 1. 'Fraid I can't let you nick me tucker without asking you a few questions. So here's me first. With a little understanding, what can you find?
Dungeoneer: The perfect blend.
Wallaby: Streuth, accepted! Here's me second. Where is nixt door?
Dungeoneer: Only a footstep away.
Wallaby: Streuth, accepted! Pretty good, mate. Now here's me third. Can you hear can you hear the thunder?
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Wednesday 05 July 2006, 16:52, to negate the double posting.]
Voiceover: Twelve years ago, a crack Northguard unit was sent into exile by a CITV court for a crime they didn't commit. These men escaped to the Sci-Fi Channel. Today, still wanted by Watchers, they survive as reruns on Challenge. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The K-Team.
Mr. T(reguard): I pity the fool who don't know left from right!
[Murlin arrives, tells him that Sylvester Face has been kidnapped, and says that they're going to rescue him on Smirkenorff.]
Mr. T(reguard): You crazy fool! I ain't gettin' on no dragon!
[Meanwhile, Colonel Fear is preparing a new Life Force clock, similar to the Series 8 one.]
Colonel Fear: I love it when a flan comes together!
[The following is amalgamated from a post made on Sunday 23 July 2006, 18:21, to negate the double posting.]
Team 6 of Series 8 (Dunstan and co): Short Cut? No way! We're here to do this properly or not at all. And if you're strapped for time, edit out Majida so you can show our whole quest. Even if you're not strapped for time, in fact. Anyways, onwards to Level Two!
Golgarach: Here is my third. What is the-
[Temporal disruption bell sounds.]
Golgarach: I've started so I'll finish...
-
Dungeoneer enters a room and the advisors describe the room and, after a long pause, all stare at Treguard
Treguard: "Not sure what your looking at me for team for I have no knowledge of this room or any hints for you to proceed."
Advisor: "So can I help him through the protal to begin his quest then?"
-
Treguard:
"There is an important Quest Card at the Guild for you."
"It seems you've mastered the Combat Multiplier"
Lord Fear:
"Ade due damballa, give me the power, I beg of you...
-
In A.D. 1991 quest was beginning...
Treguard: What happen?
Pickle: Someone set us up the bomb.
We get signalTreguard: What.
Pickle: Magic Mirror turn on.
(Lord Fear materializes in the mirror)
Treguard: It's you.
Lord F: How are you gentlemen.
All your quest are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.Treguard: What you say!!
Lord F: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Ha ha ha.Pickle: Master!!
(Treguard guides dungeoneer to the portal to begin the quest)
Treguard: Take off every ZIG.
You know what you doing. Move ZIG For great justice!! -
Treguard: And now, to begin our latest quest, please welcome my glamourous assistant, Majida! (nothing happens) Majida? (shouting) Majida!!!
-
Brother Strange: "Tell me a poem and I'll give you a spying apparatus"
Fidjit: "Ever heard of Abus or Yale by any chance?"
Brollochan: "Feed my hunger---"
Dungeoneer: "Shut it rubber HEAD!"
Dungeoneer gets captured by Skarkill
Treguard: "Use what weapons you may have and use them NOW!"
Advisor: You know the plan mate? Splice his nadgers in two!
Dungeoneer: (Size 10 steel-toe capped Dr.Martins)
///CRASH!!!//\
-
Dreadnaught: All systems, go Telesonic!
-
Lord Fear: Let's be Hens!
And just to prove that I'm not completely insane...
http://www.interfunt.com/hens/default.htm
P.S.
Drassil, your Knightmare burp is very funny, I've just never mentioned it because I don't want to sound like a creep.
-
Advisor: Whats on the table?
Dungeoneer: There is a Candle, A bottle of whiskey, A bazooka and some acid rounds!
Advisor: Take the whiskey, put it in your knapsack
Dungeoneer: Shall we take the bazooka?
Advisor: Yeah
GOLGARACH APPEARS
Golgarach: Hold intruder, touch nothing else and face me
Dungeoneer: (Loading Bazooka) Yeah, yeah be with you in a minute (Cocks the gun)
Golgarach: Face me now!
Dungeoneer: (Readying) Okay!
SWINGS ROUND AND FIRES! GOLGARACH MELTS UNDER THE POWERFUL ACTION OF THE ACID AND EXPLOSION
Treguard: Congratulations team, you've defeated the wall monster (murmers) the wrong way... Ahem
-
Mildred: It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to Professor Snape a little more in potions class.
-
Treguard: "And remember: If there's someone crying in the West, we'll wipe away their tears. If someone's going hungry in the East, we'll go and feed them homemade cooking. That is our noble mission as the Powers that Be."
-
The Series Six Samurai: Save the Fear Leader, save the Dungeon.
[Originally posted Tue 18 Dec '07, 18:29]
[A knight stumbles into the Level 2 mining pit, looking dazed. Bumptious comes over.]
Bumptious: Are you alright, Sir?
The Knight: No. I just encountered the Mills of Doom. I finished, and apparently I'd beaten it, but half my gold had disappeared.
Bumptious: That's awful, Sir. What's your name?
The Knight: I am Sir Paul. Sir Paul McCartney.
[Pause.]
Bumptious: Of course, if you want to know how a real gold-digger works, follow me. [Picks up a shovel and walks towards the minecart.] By the way, do you think you could help me solve a riddle? It's about a bombardier, a stag, a caterpillar hunter...
[Mildread, Mrs. Grimwold and Mistress Goody are standing around Mildread's cauldron.]
Mildread: When shall we three meet again?
Mrs. Grimwold: Friday's good for me.
Mistress Goody: Me too.
Mildread: I can't do Fridays. It'll have to be Monday. How does 2 sound?
Mrs. Grimwold: I won't be available until 3, dearie, and then I have to be off before 4. So how about 3?
Mistress Goody: Too early for me. Anything before 4 is out.
Mildread: Well, it looks like we'll never meet.
Mrs. Grimwold: Some book club this is. [Throws The Da Vinci Code into the cauldron.]
Mildread: We weren't reading that.
Mrs. Grimwold: Oh, I know, but I'd been meaning to get rid of it.
-
[The shot changes to Neil and his advisors singing Motorhead's 'Ace Of Shovels'. Harry, dressed in leathers, dances behind them and joins in at the end. The show finishes.]
Ye gods, I have missed this...
And due apologies if anyone's thought of these before, but I've been living on Mars for a year or so (as Henry Kelly once said). Still, while I'm here and while my brain still works, how about these...
Igneous:
"I am Igneous of wegend. Face me or pewish! Pwease me or depart in ignowance!"
Igneous (again):
"Thrrrrrree is the scorrrrre. Never mind the crrrrown, your quest is for the aspirrrrrin! Brrrrrring it back to me!" (refer to Treguard's comment at his first appearance...)
Olaf:
"Lootings and pillagings..." (etc etc)
Random dungeoneer:
"Snakker du norsk?"
Olaf:
"Ja, jeg snakke norsk. Også svensk, dansk og islensk... hva bytte vil du ha for Olaf?"
Treguard:
"Somewhere in the dark and nasty regions, where nobody goes, stands an ancient castle. Deep within this dank and uninviting place lives Berk..."
Pickle:*
"Hello!"
Treguard:
"...overworked servant of The Thing Upstairs."
Granitas:
"BERK! FEED ME!"
Treguard:
"But that's nothing compared to the horrors that lurk beneath the trapdoor, for there is always something down there, in the dark, waiting to come out..."
You know what's coming next...
...really, you do...
...I shouldn't even need to post it...
...but here goes anyway...
Mellisandre:
"Don't you open that... TRAP DOOR!"
Folly:
"You're a fool if you dare!"
Mellisandre:
"Don't you open that... TRAP DOOR!"
Hordriss:
"Cos there's something down there!"
(dramatic finishing chords)
- I had to go more for the "overworked servant" aspect, given that the only character with anything like an authentic West Country accent was Marta... all other voices, or appropriate characters, should be intact. And if anyone continues to object... it's half past two in the morning and I should have better things to do that sitting up all night in front of t'interwebnet and thought it might be a good idea to finish it off quickly...
-
Methinks the Samurai could well be Hatchi-Man from ThunderCats... "Like my Thunder-Cutter young whelp!?" LOL
Oh and I've developed a new theory. Do you honestly believe that Sidriss is really Hordriss' daughter. She blond and dippy! Methinks Merlins been knocking Hordriss' wife off beind his back... Which gives his wife a new name: Wh*redriss! Hehehehe! No wonder you dont see her:
Dungeoneer: Did you ever have a wife?
Hordriss: Yes, but everybody else had her too though!
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