Knightmare adverts
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You could have Hugo Myatt enter one of those orange conference-style adverts. Hugo could be stating his interest in making a knightmare film where Lord Fear and him battle in a one-on-one fight.
Hugo starts talking, but is quickly interrupted:
"Its starts off when I pick up a dungeon spyglass..."
One of the guys from the executive Orange team interrupts with:
"who needs spyglasses now when you have mobile phones- you could phone him, or leave him a message on his voicemail!"
Hugo starts to worry:
"But you won't get a signal in the dungeon!"
Orange man:
"You don't have to set it in a dungeon- why not a city"
Another Orange man:
"Yeah the film could be renamed industrial knightmare!"
Rest of Orange team agree but Treguard walks off in a huff and bangs his head on the doorframe on his way out.
Orange man in background: "Oooooooh, that IS nasty"
Laugh.
My.
Buns.
Off.
Classic.
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The life-force could advertise an 'Anti-Ageing cream'
I dont reccomend putting Oil of Olay in you knapsack tho...
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I vaguely remember an ad where some creatures (dragons?) I think for maybe British gas where one said something like "We need draft excluders" I think one of the others said "or we could get a bigger cat" I could just imagine for some reason Mrs G saing the draft excluder line to Grimmy. There was also a clip where the husband/dad read a very long bill and promptly fainted!
Julius Scaramonger advertisng shopping channel items i.e. if anyone has seen the ad for the V-Slicer (a grater) will see what I mean.
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And adding to my previous post, similar but not exactly the same. Julius Scaramonger advertising one of those accidident compensation companies and featuring Skarkill as one of the accident victims:
Julius (voice over): have you been hurt in the past couple of years? Have you been injured through no fault of your own, i.e. at work from the carelessnesses from an employer or fellow imployee? If yes to any of the mentioned you can be intitled to compensation. Take for instant Skarkill here. He was at work one day when he had a misfortune with his ex employers hired dragon, which caused both his legs permenant damage, resulting in him possibly never being able to work again and loss of earnings. He claimed with us and we compensated him. He now doesn't have to worry about any earnings losses.
Skarkill (appearing): I heard an ad for them and decided to make a claim and now money worries are behind me!
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Several characters could get together and do an advert for eBay (like the ones on TV, which can also be found by searching on here
Mogdred: How satisfying. I have pledged to buy a playpen on eBay. Now, should I ever have children, I can ensure that they look upon Mogdred, and
Treguard: Quail. Or chicken. Or any bird, just as long as I get to eat it on the Saxon dish I bought on eBay. A winning bid feels even better than a winning quest! But don't tell
Motley: Pickle. None of the Wolfenden traders 'ad any, but I got a jar of the stuff on eBay, no trouble! I says to meself, "Motley, if you make Mellisandre the greatest cheese and pickle sandwich in the Dungeon, then maybe, she'll let you give 'er a
Mrs. Grimwold: Bone, for Festus. I spotted it on eBay, and I just 'ad to 'ave it! Not sure if Festus likes dinosaur bones - for all I know, 'e might be a dinosaur 'imself - but at least a new bone will take 'im off my
Lord Fear: Hands, you imbecile! I told you to buy that frightknight trophy I saw on eBay, and instead you auction off all my swag... with measly postage and packaging charges! That's the last time I give you a key to my chest of
Ridolpho: Lute. My old one got-a chewed up by a pooka, so I go on eBay to buy myself a new one. For without a big-a shiny instrument to show the ladies, they do not believe I am a troubadour who is on the
Majida: Level 3, it will be a much easier place with this picnic hamper I got on eBay! It holds more food than knapsack, so dungeoneer's Life Force will never drop below
Greystagg: Amber. Not just witch amber, but ogre amber, goblin amber... there are so many types for sale on eBay. I could hardly believe my
Aesandre: Ice. I put some cubes of ice up for auction on eBay, and the bidding went up to 200! If I start auctioning fresh Winterian snow, I could make a
Smirkenorff: Mint. Dragon mints are so hard to come by these days, but when I saw on eBay, I began bidding, and I
Hordriss: One finds eBay most agreeable. It has furnished one with a cloak of excellent craftsmanship. Although it is something of a shame that so many auctioneers simply cannot
Merlin: Spellcasting! E... B... A.... Y! Now, what was it I wanted to bid on?
I think that's enough for now. Though this could work as an interactive thread...
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(Probably not the ideal thread for this, but I can't find a better one and it doesn't feel worth starting a new one.)
"So I was sat there in Marblehead, unable to detect where the latest dungeoneer was stumbling through Level Two, when it suddenly hit me! 'I need,' I thought, 'a computer that can pinpoint to the nearest eighth of an inch where the brats are hiding. So I told the boys at Microsoft and BOOM! Windows 7 comes out, and now, I can fry a dungeoneer alive with a fireball from any distance in any part of the Dungeon Dimensions! My name's Lord Aedric Morris Fear, and Windows 7 was my idea!"
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[A spyglass opens up a view of Lord Fear's Series 6 throne room. Lord Fear, Hands, Grippa and Rhark are there. Rhark is holding a Genoese box of delights, from which a high-pitched rant is emanating.]
Lord Fear: Alright, Hands, I have two tasks for you. First, I know it's a bit like breaking the rules, but have a wash. At least, clean your face a bit. It's so dirty I can't bear to look at it, though those things may not be connected. Second... [he gestures at the box]... shut that pixie up once and for all. I don't care how, just do it.
Hands: Yes, yer lordship.
Lord Fear: And because I've wasted so much time telling you all that, I want both things done within the next forty seconds.
Hands: Er... I know I'm nifty n' all, but 'ow do I manage that?
Lord Fear: Be imagina- no, scratch that. [Hastily] And scratch me saying "scratch that": I don't want to think what image you'll give me. Be... judicious.
Hands: What does that mean?
Lord Fear: Its rough definition is 'being something more than a miserable nose-offending cretin'.
Hands: Right. I've got it. [He addresses the box.] Pixie. I've got terrible cramp in me 'ands from tying and untying me magic rope, and if you give me some acupac... apachepun... acapulca... pokes wiv yer needle so I can do me job properly again, 'is lordship says you can go free.
Pixel: Oh! Alright. Anything to get off this stinking mountain.
[Hands opens the box. Pixel flies out and lands on his outstretched hand. Hands claps the other hand on top of it. Green slime oozes out. Hands rubs it on his face, which is soon gleamingly clean.]
Lord Fear: Bravo. With the exception of the needle sticking out your left nostril, that was judicious indeed. Remind me to give you a bonus sometime. I probably won't, but remind me anyway. I like saying no. Anything to add, goblins?
Grippa & Rhark: [Singing] Now Hands that judicious can feel soft as your face, with mild green faerie liquid.
[Closing shot of the box, which how has a Faerie Liquid logo on it.]
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HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE
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How can something be so groan-inducing and yet so awe-inspiring at the same time?
I dunno. Magic? (lol bad funny by me )
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I'd buy a Knightmare dvd....... Right now from HMV if I could. In fact if I hadn't found Knightmare on youtube I would have been asking my dad to look for a Knightmare dvd on ebay. My dad would have ended up looking like Richard O Brian from the Crystal Maze by the end of the search. After tearing his hair out.
I know this is about adverts for Knightmare but I am picturing Skarkill doing a advert for a Breakfast Cereal called Dungeon Os [like Cheerios but with marshmallow doors in it.] at this very moment.
This is the Advert i'm picturing right now. Enjoy.
[Picture of Dungeon Os. Skarkill picks it up, opens it and pours some in a bowl then adds sour milk to his. "Lovely" [Walks up to a grand looking chair and sits down.]
Skarkill: [In menacing voice holding bowl of Dungeon Os sitting in Treguard's chair.] "Everyone in the dungeon eats Dungeon Os......" [Treguard walks up to Skarkill holding bowl full of Dungeon Os Treguard has fresh milk in his. Skarkill grins sheepishly ] "........Dungeon Master Treguard eats them." [leaves chair quickly.]
[Then you see him walking past Lord Fear and Lizzard quickly as he does this we see that both Lord Fear and Lizzard are sitting down eating a bowl of Dungeon Os]Lizzard: [happy] I have Yogurt in mine Lord Fear.
Lord Fear: [pleased] Lizzard you should try it with Sour cream sometime.
Lizzard: [disgusted] Sour Cream doesn't work with cereal.
Lord Fear:[annoyed] Yes it does.
Lizzard:[Snarls at Lord Fear] Doesn't work for me.... Master.
Skarkill: [Looking at camera talking quietly] "Lord Fear and Lizzard eat them."
[Walks in a forest shielding his bowl of Dungeon Os] "Even the goblins......"[Watches dungeoneer walk into a tree after told to go right instead of left and is caught by pack of goblins] ".............When they are not too busy eating hopeless dungeoneers of course. Lovely."[Sits down on own seat starts eating bowl of Dungeon Os. Looks at camera]
"Remember If you don't eat Dungeon Os for Breakfast. We'll say cheerio.......To you." [Smiles menacingly at camera. fade out to black.]
Voiceover [Skarkill]: Remember Eat Dungeon Os or we'll Eat you.
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I have the design of Dungeon O's all drawn out onto the computer. Hope Drassil could put this onto the website for me for everyone to see as it is a really cool and spooky design. Done in Paint as are all of my computer drawings.
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