Knightmare adverts
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Mrs Grimwold and Festus advertising dog food
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Is anyone familiar with the Victor Kayam TV advert for Remmington shavers? Appearing in the ad, he says 'Hi, I'm Victor Kayam...'; he then talks about the shaver; and that's followed by the remark '...I liked it so much, I bought the company!'
How about Treguard appearing in an ad for Knightmare, saying something parodic like: 'Hi. I'm the victor of KM. I conquered the Dungeon many years ago; and I liked it so much, I bought the castle! I invite you to come and take up the challenge... even if you're not old enough to shave.'
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You could have Hugo Myatt enter one of those orange conference-style adverts. Hugo could be stating his interest in making a knightmare film where Lord Fear and him battle in a one-on-one fight.
Hugo starts talking, but is quickly interrupted:
"Its starts off when I pick up a dungeon spyglass..."
One of the guys from the executive Orange team interrupts with:
"who needs spyglasses now when you have mobile phones- you could phone him, or leave him a message on his voicemail!"
Hugo starts to worry:
"But you won't get a signal in the dungeon!"
Orange man:
"You don't have to set it in a dungeon- why not a city"
Another Orange man:
"Yeah the film could be renamed industrial knightmare!"
Rest of Orange team agree but Treguard walks off in a huff and bangs his head on the doorframe on his way out.
Orange man in background: "Oooooooh, that IS nasty"
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You could have Hugo Myatt enter one of those orange conference-style adverts. Hugo could be stating his interest in making a knightmare film where Lord Fear and him battle in a one-on-one fight.
Hugo starts talking, but is quickly interrupted:
"Its starts off when I pick up a dungeon spyglass..."
One of the guys from the executive Orange team interrupts with:
"who needs spyglasses now when you have mobile phones- you could phone him, or leave him a message on his voicemail!"
Hugo starts to worry:
"But you won't get a signal in the dungeon!"
Orange man:
"You don't have to set it in a dungeon- why not a city"
Another Orange man:
"Yeah the film could be renamed industrial knightmare!"
Rest of Orange team agree but Treguard walks off in a huff and bangs his head on the doorframe on his way out.
Orange man in background: "Oooooooh, that IS nasty"
Laugh.
My.
Buns.
Off.
Classic.
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The life-force could advertise an 'Anti-Ageing cream'
I dont reccomend putting Oil of Olay in you knapsack tho...
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I vaguely remember an ad where some creatures (dragons?) I think for maybe British gas where one said something like "We need draft excluders" I think one of the others said "or we could get a bigger cat" I could just imagine for some reason Mrs G saing the draft excluder line to Grimmy. There was also a clip where the husband/dad read a very long bill and promptly fainted!
Julius Scaramonger advertisng shopping channel items i.e. if anyone has seen the ad for the V-Slicer (a grater) will see what I mean.
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And adding to my previous post, similar but not exactly the same. Julius Scaramonger advertising one of those accidident compensation companies and featuring Skarkill as one of the accident victims:
Julius (voice over): have you been hurt in the past couple of years? Have you been injured through no fault of your own, i.e. at work from the carelessnesses from an employer or fellow imployee? If yes to any of the mentioned you can be intitled to compensation. Take for instant Skarkill here. He was at work one day when he had a misfortune with his ex employers hired dragon, which caused both his legs permenant damage, resulting in him possibly never being able to work again and loss of earnings. He claimed with us and we compensated him. He now doesn't have to worry about any earnings losses.
Skarkill (appearing): I heard an ad for them and decided to make a claim and now money worries are behind me!
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Several characters could get together and do an advert for eBay (like the ones on TV, which can also be found by searching on here
Mogdred: How satisfying. I have pledged to buy a playpen on eBay. Now, should I ever have children, I can ensure that they look upon Mogdred, and
Treguard: Quail. Or chicken. Or any bird, just as long as I get to eat it on the Saxon dish I bought on eBay. A winning bid feels even better than a winning quest! But don't tell
Motley: Pickle. None of the Wolfenden traders 'ad any, but I got a jar of the stuff on eBay, no trouble! I says to meself, "Motley, if you make Mellisandre the greatest cheese and pickle sandwich in the Dungeon, then maybe, she'll let you give 'er a
Mrs. Grimwold: Bone, for Festus. I spotted it on eBay, and I just 'ad to 'ave it! Not sure if Festus likes dinosaur bones - for all I know, 'e might be a dinosaur 'imself - but at least a new bone will take 'im off my
Lord Fear: Hands, you imbecile! I told you to buy that frightknight trophy I saw on eBay, and instead you auction off all my swag... with measly postage and packaging charges! That's the last time I give you a key to my chest of
Ridolpho: Lute. My old one got-a chewed up by a pooka, so I go on eBay to buy myself a new one. For without a big-a shiny instrument to show the ladies, they do not believe I am a troubadour who is on the
Majida: Level 3, it will be a much easier place with this picnic hamper I got on eBay! It holds more food than knapsack, so dungeoneer's Life Force will never drop below
Greystagg: Amber. Not just witch amber, but ogre amber, goblin amber... there are so many types for sale on eBay. I could hardly believe my
Aesandre: Ice. I put some cubes of ice up for auction on eBay, and the bidding went up to 200! If I start auctioning fresh Winterian snow, I could make a
Smirkenorff: Mint. Dragon mints are so hard to come by these days, but when I saw on eBay, I began bidding, and I
Hordriss: One finds eBay most agreeable. It has furnished one with a cloak of excellent craftsmanship. Although it is something of a shame that so many auctioneers simply cannot
Merlin: Spellcasting! E... B... A.... Y! Now, what was it I wanted to bid on?
I think that's enough for now. Though this could work as an interactive thread...
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(Probably not the ideal thread for this, but I can't find a better one and it doesn't feel worth starting a new one.)
"So I was sat there in Marblehead, unable to detect where the latest dungeoneer was stumbling through Level Two, when it suddenly hit me! 'I need,' I thought, 'a computer that can pinpoint to the nearest eighth of an inch where the brats are hiding. So I told the boys at Microsoft and BOOM! Windows 7 comes out, and now, I can fry a dungeoneer alive with a fireball from any distance in any part of the Dungeon Dimensions! My name's Lord Aedric Morris Fear, and Windows 7 was my idea!"
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[A spyglass opens up a view of Lord Fear's Series 6 throne room. Lord Fear, Hands, Grippa and Rhark are there. Rhark is holding a Genoese box of delights, from which a high-pitched rant is emanating.]
Lord Fear: Alright, Hands, I have two tasks for you. First, I know it's a bit like breaking the rules, but have a wash. At least, clean your face a bit. It's so dirty I can't bear to look at it, though those things may not be connected. Second... [he gestures at the box]... shut that pixie up once and for all. I don't care how, just do it.
Hands: Yes, yer lordship.
Lord Fear: And because I've wasted so much time telling you all that, I want both things done within the next forty seconds.
Hands: Er... I know I'm nifty n' all, but 'ow do I manage that?
Lord Fear: Be imagina- no, scratch that. [Hastily] And scratch me saying "scratch that": I don't want to think what image you'll give me. Be... judicious.
Hands: What does that mean?
Lord Fear: Its rough definition is 'being something more than a miserable nose-offending cretin'.
Hands: Right. I've got it. [He addresses the box.] Pixie. I've got terrible cramp in me 'ands from tying and untying me magic rope, and if you give me some acupac... apachepun... acapulca... pokes wiv yer needle so I can do me job properly again, 'is lordship says you can go free.
Pixel: Oh! Alright. Anything to get off this stinking mountain.
[Hands opens the box. Pixel flies out and lands on his outstretched hand. Hands claps the other hand on top of it. Green slime oozes out. Hands rubs it on his face, which is soon gleamingly clean.]
Lord Fear: Bravo. With the exception of the needle sticking out your left nostril, that was judicious indeed. Remind me to give you a bonus sometime. I probably won't, but remind me anyway. I like saying no. Anything to add, goblins?
Grippa & Rhark: [Singing] Now Hands that judicious can feel soft as your face, with mild green faerie liquid.
[Closing shot of the box, which how has a Faerie Liquid logo on it.]
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HAHAHAHAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE
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How can something be so groan-inducing and yet so awe-inspiring at the same time?
I dunno. Magic? (lol bad funny by me )
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