If You Cleave (Parody of If You Leave by OMD)
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This is sung from Cliff's perspective at the sword-filled end of his Series 3 quest, and is based on If You Leave by OMD. The song is best known from the film Pretty In Pink, starring Molly Grimwold. Sorry, Motley Ringwold. You know who I mean. Music video, lyrics
If you cleave, don't cleave now
Please don't take my hide away
Leave me to become a knight
And we'll go our separate ways
We always had time to decide
But now it's fading fast
Doom has beckoned, we don't notice:
You're Scottish, but a non-Scot's been cast
We spellcast D-A-N-C-E
I won't stay put to hear your pleas
I heed you not and I just cannot see
That I was wrong to get away Scot-free
[Cliff sings to the floating sword:]
If you cleave, I will die
I won't last another day
But if you leave, please don't hack
Make it clean and the blood won't spray
Standing here I must acknowledge
We should have helped McGrew
Heaven knows what happens now
I've got to, I've gotta flee from you
I dodge you once, I dodge you twice
I miss the green room with the dice
I need McGrew like I needed him then
I wonder if his jig will end
You stab me once, you stab me twice
The quest is over in a trice
I need McGrew like I needed him then
Perhaps one quest he'll make a friend
A sword came once, a sword came twice
And neither time was very nice
Now we're dismissed, so it's dinnertime then
But I can't face fresh meat again
Today
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