Remixed Knightmare
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[Series 3, Quest 4, Level 2. Leo and his advisors are listening to the Oracle.]
Oracle: When faced with death, you must go left, or you from life will be bereft.
[Jeremy Corbyn runs in.]
Corbyn: Thank you!
[Corbyn runs out.]
Leo: Who was that?
Treguard: I don't know. He appeared neither to be from your time nor mine. I can't imagine how he got in. Or will get in. Perhaps it was his penchant for knapsacks.
Oracle: HOGG helped him. He got some of their mines reopened.
Treguard: Ah.
Oracle: You'll look like him in about 26 years, you know.
Treguard: Oh come off it, love!
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Just spotted this thread for the first time - I love it! Great contributions everyone.
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Sarah: Ok there is a clue table up here, i think I know what to do.
Helen: Thats good because I had nothing ttt-to say
William: We need a token so I think we should pick up the arrow
Sarah: Ok, the poison doesnt look to good does it
Keeley: "Anything!"
Bwahaha!
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[Just after the departure of Series 6 Team 3]
Advisor Jim: "OK Alan, you're back home in St Albans, you're on a street so you're not gonna fall off anything, you're definitely safe now..."
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Wasn't there only one Alan from St Albans?
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[Series 5, Quest 4. Ben has redeemed the Shield and is handed the frightknight trophy.]
Ben: Thank you so much. I lost the eyeshield out there but who cares? Woo! I couldn't have done this on my own. I'd like to thank my team, my family, Anglia Television, Tim Child, the beautiful city of Norwich, but most of all Hordriss...
Pickle: Of course. For giving you the two spells you needed to win, along with generous hints as to which one to use at which point.
Ben: ...The real, unsung hero of my quest...
Treguard: Really?
Ben: ...Who made this cape appear on me when I entered Winteria. It stuck by me all the way, stopped me from freezing my knapsack off and kept my Life Force from running out. Without Hordriss, the Winterian chill would have been Kipling, I mean crippling.
[Grudging applause from Treguard and Pickle. Hordriss appears in the Magic Mirror. He is blushing.]
Hordriss: Well. One does make exceedingly good capes.
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[End of Series 8]
Treguard: Well I will if he will. Shall we find out? Lord Fear? Lord Fear. Are you ready for suspenders?
Lord Fear: What? Me, suspenders? You must be absolutely out of your tiny... MIND! [Pause.] I'll think about it.
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[Series 1 Quest 3. End of Level 2. The team spellcasts LANTERN.]
Gibbet: Who turned that light on? Who disturbs the sleep of Gibbet?
Simon: I'm your new supervisor. Would you care to explain why you were asleep with the light off instead of standing guard?
Gibbet: Um... wasn't expecting to ad lib... it's, eh, a medical condition.
Simon: Medical condition?
Gibbet: Aye. I'm photocidal. When the light's on, I want to commit murder.
Simon: Commit what?
Gibbet: Murder.
Simon: Say again?
Gibbet: MURDER. Can you not hear?
Simon: I can. I just like the way you say that.
Gibbet: This isn't the job for Gibbet. I'd rather be a blacksmith. But the equipment's not cheap.
Simon: I can help with that, if you let me down the wellway.
Gibbet: Alright.
Jonathan: Spellcasting: A-N-V-I-L.
[A floating anvil appears... then falls into the wellway, blocking it.]
Gibbet: Say nighty night, little one...
Craig Charles: Nighty night? More like sh*tey sprite.
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[Series 4 Quest 8. Ending.]
Merlin: It is Christmas that approaches. In fact, it is almost upon us. You do want to be home for Christmas don't you, boys?
[The team nod their heads.]
Merlin: Really? Because I-I was expecting you to shake your heads. If you had, I'd have reformed Level 3 long enough for you to complete your quest. Not just for your sake, but for the watchers' too.
[The team look distraught.]
Merlin: A-any obvious gesture would have done it. From any one of you. Brett holding his palms up, for example. Think about that, Brett. Your palms could have undone all of this. Do the honours, will you, Dungeon Master?
Treguard: But of course, Merlin. Spellcasting: D, I, S, M, I, S, S.
[The boys fade away, with Brett staring at his palms.]
Pickle: We may yet get a hand gesture from them, Master.
Treguard: I fear so, Pickle. Best not let the watchers see them departing. Farewell, Giles, Robin, Andrew and Brett...
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[Geek Week episode introduction: why having the name of the spell at the end of drawn-out spellcasting was needed after all.]
Veruca: Spellcasting: R!
Stuart: Her pirate impression needs work.
Veruca: E! F!
Phil: She's referring Treguard to a healer who specialises in sleep disorders?
Emma: Let's see if she can shout the unseasonal leaves off his hair.
Veruca: R! E! S! H!
Dan: Ooh, we're getting refreshments!
Veruca: REFRESH!
Dan: Aww.
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[Treguard has just met Team 4 of Series 8.]
Treguard: How old are you, Michael?
Michael: I'm fourteen.
Treguard: Fourteen, right.
Michael: And a half.
Treguard: Fourteen and a half.
Michael: Why did you repeat my age back to me?
Treguard: I always do it... this series... for some reason.
Michael: Do I look older? Younger? Is it remarkable to have dungeoneers of my age?
Treguard: I...
Michael: Do you have something witty to say about yourself at my age, like Gundrada the Sword Mistress a few years ago?
Treguard: Er...
Ben A: Do you want to know our ages?
Treguard: No, I'm not remotely curious.
Haydn: Are you going to tell us your age?
Treguard: No.
Ben S: Why?
Treguard: Look, I'm sorry. I'm not having a good phase. They took my chair away and chopped it up for firewood and pencils, I have to do this weird oy-vey-c'est-la-vie pose whenever a dungeoneer dies and Hordriss had Sidriss redesign the life force meter. It's now a...
Majida: Shh, don't say it. I cannot hear it.
Ben A: I'm glad we ran in earlier instead of walking, saving valuable seconds for this discussion.
Michael: Well as long as everyone gets a shot at a three-level quest, the knapsack works the same as it always has and you connect with the watchers at the end, it's all fine.
[Treguard winces. Sidriss walks in holding a pie.]
Sidriss: Life force! Get your life force!
Majida: [Sighing] Put it in the pool.
Treguard: When this phase is over, I'm going to get a new chair, put some do-not-disturb leaves in my hair and sit down until at least 2013.
Michael: Thirteen.
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