Dolts, Elita (Parody of Dolce Vita by Ryan Paris)

[Drassil]

A fan of Elita sympathises with what the cavern elf has to put up with, with reference to Series 5 Quest 3, Series 6 Quest 6 and Series 5 Quest 6 (I've included links to official CITV clips of the scenes in question). Based on Dolce Vita by Ryan Paris. Original lyrics, official audio

[Clip]

You seem to like the occult, Elita

The symbols on the floor

But you're disturbed by some dolts, Elita

Gonna scream, "No more!"

They bring their quest to a halt, Elita

Discussing their red gem

I wouldn't say it's your fault, Elita

You got fed up of them

'Twas their last chance

Together with your gob again

They won't advance

Beyond the blades and darkness

Say you'll let them all get sliced

Say you won't be soft or nice

Sophia gave you a jolt, Elita

Said, "You're a faceache too"

Then in your wound she rubbed salt, Elita

Called you a dragon's poo [Clip]

Then from the blue came a bolt, Elita

Skarkill with Grippa and Rhark

Use magic pipes on the dolt, Elita

He'll dance into the dark

'Twas the last time

A dungeoneer was rude to you

Too great a crime

And soon she dropped in darkness

Say you'll always troublemake

Tell the world they're faceaches

'Twas the last time

A dungeoneer was rude to you

Too great a crime

And soon she dropped in darkness

Say you'll never scrape or bow

Tell the world they're faceaches now

How do you cope with the dolts, Elita

That keep bugging you?

Must be because you're a record beater

At turning the air blue

[Clip]

You lost your voice

And didn't shut up even then

Given the choice

Before you leave the Dungeon

We must all accept the truth

There's no bouche like your bouche