They would never say...
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[Pickle and Treguard look into the camera.]
Pickle: 'Oh, Master, are the Watchers still here?'
Treguard: 'I'm afraid so, Pickle. They seem to enjoy us. Except for one little toerag who switched over 10 minutes ago to watch CBBC.'
Pickle: 'Tracking... [His eyes glow red.] ...Got 'im! A 9-year-old living in Redditch. There's an elf portal 2 miles from his house. [Grabs staff] He's mine.'
Treguard: 'Now, now, Pickle, there are far better ways to resolve this. Hand me that key. [Treguard unlocks a large chest, releasing an army of floating skulls.] Fly, my pretties! FLY!!'
Dungeoneer: 'Can't you get it into your thick skull? I don't want you attacking me!'
Treguard: I fear such dry wit will prove useless against the catacombite, Team.
[The Dungeoneer is indeed eaten by the catacombite.]
Treguard: Yeeesss!! [Sings] Who's not winnin' any more? Who's not... [Clears throat] I mean, oooooh, naaasty!'
[Grimwold clobbers a Series 3 Dungeoneer.]
Treguard: 'Well, Team, it looks like your dungeoneer's become a 'club' sandwich, haha. Wait, don't cry... Oh, not again. Sorry, Team. Better edit that last comment, Tim!'
Majida: 'But Treguard...'
Treguard: 'Madam, for once, just shut up. [Majida tries to speak.] Shut up. Shut up. Shut... up. Indulge in shutting up. Shut up. Get a degree in Shutupology. Shut, as the old saying goes, up. Attain a state of shutupness. Please shut up. Shut the Fear up. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!'
[Silence, except for the dripping of a myriad tears of joy across the nation.]
Treguard: [Getting his breath back] 'And... having thus shut up... cut my toenails.'
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Fatilla: Tell me or you'll be blipped and then blopped!
Dungeoneer: Fat slob!
Fatilla: Huuuuh!
Dungeoneer: I-I-I said "Good Job"
Treguard impersonating Mildread
Lillith forming a bridge for nothing...
"Okay, fine you have nothing! I'll let you off..."
Mogdread: This is your future play pen...
Dungeoneer: Where are the toys then?
Mogdread: Uhh... Play with the bars of the door...
DUNGEONNER DOES
Dungeoneer: I've never had so much fun in all my life!!! Oh wow this is so cool!!!
Advisors: Starve already!
BOOOOOOONG!
-
(On a day when the rugby is on, only KM is left. Or is it?)
Dungeoneer: Where am I?
Advisors: You're in a room, and...wait, isn't that Queen T-Bag?
Treguard: Um, so it is.
Queen T-Bag: Where are the sunstones of Montezuma?
Treguard: You are too late. Your programme isn't on today.
Pat Sharp: Welcome to Fun house!
Treguard: And you can go away too!
Pat Sharp: Watch it, beardie, or I'll get the girls to gunge you.
Treguard: I bet that's not even a real mullet. (Pulls hair) Look, it's just fake.
Pat Sharp: OW! Stop that! It's real! I bet your beard is fake (starts pulling beard)
Treguard: Ouch! Why you- (continues)
Pickle: Sorry i'm late, master, bu-wha-?
Queen T-Bag: Ooh, I've always liked a man with odd eyebrows.
Pickle: Gulp
Advisors: I think we'd best go home.
Dungeoneer: Hello? Where am I? Where is everyone? Hello?
Announcer of Dangermouse: And so, the sun sets of another adventure. Tune in next week for another episode of Fun-Mare! I mean Knight-mouse! I mean...oh forget it. I wonder if that job as a BBC weatherman is still available...?
-
Lord Fear - "You haven't had much food recently, have you Ben? Well, I hate to see people die, so, have this loaf of bread."
Treguard - "Here, Majida, you sit in my chair now. After all, you are carrying my baby."
Motley - "Hmm, I wonder if it's about time I started telling rude jokes for a change."
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Elita: Hello! My, you're looking good today. Isn't everything wonderful? But enogh about my opinions. Would you like this green gem stone? Julius Scaramonger gave it to me in a fit of generousity.
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Treguard: 'Team, the Eye Shield is currently at the blacksmith's for repairs, so here instead is the Nose Shield. Now, when you find a spyglass, hold it up in front of the Nose Shield, and we'll finally be able to discover what aftershave Lord Fear uses.'
Pickle: 'If any.'
Little Miss Muffet: 'Where am I?'
Little Jack Horner: 'OK, LMM, you're in like a room with a rocky ledge, and just ahead of you there's what seems like a low stool of some kind. There's something on it so can you walk forward? ... Stop. Can you see the stool?'
LMM: 'Yeah. I think it's a tuffet.'
Little Red Riding Hood: 'What's on it?'
LMM: 'Some food... whey, and curds.'
Treguard: 'Caution, Team, don't dally in this place; danger is approaching.'
Little Tommy Tucker: 'OK, put the food in your knapsack.'
[Instead, LMM sits down and begins to eat the food.]
LRRH: 'What are you doing?!'
LMM: 'This is my favourite food, I'm not gonna shove it in a bag, alright?'
Treguard: 'Warning! This is Ariadne's lair...'
[Ariadne has crawled over to LMM. The Advisors scream at her. LMM gets up and away just in time.]
[Fidjit comes up to a Series 7 Dungeoneer.]
Fidjit: 'Hello there, Fidjit's the name.'
Dungeoneer: 'Look, Mr. Valentine - or may I call you Paul? - why don't you just: creep back to your dressing room; slip into your Motley outfit; come back; and we'll say no more about it, eh?'
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Brollachan: You got the answer to the riddle wrong.
Pickle: We mustn't get too involved.
Majida: I like you, Treguard.
Gideon: Must watch my language.
Ridolfo:
Cedric: You look handsome.
Gumboil: No more for me, I'm driving.
Dooris: WAHEEEEEEYYY!!!
Lord Fear: I got it wrong.
Igneous: I respect your intelligence.
Me: I like season six.
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Cedric beats his stick over the dungeoneers head:
Dungeoneer: OUCH!
Advisor: Come on that didn't hurt!
Dungeoneer: groan urrnngggh!
Advisors: Are you alright?
Dungeoneer: No, the stick sort of went through the helmet into my head...
Treguard: CEDRIC! How many times have I told you not to use a crowbar...
Cedric: That wasn't a crowbar that was a scaffolding pole!
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Lord Fear: Well then, i was going to stand here and do a long and pointless speech and taunt you, thus giving you time to defeat me, however I have discovered this invention
Pulls Out Gun
LF: So I will just ice you instead!
What shall I BANG! Oh lord, i'm bleeedingA: Hey, that's cheating
Guys I am bleeding to death hereA: We don't care about you we want a Frightnight trophy
Pickle: Well master, it looks like Lord Fear must be taught a lesson
Treguard: Yes Pickle, bring me my shotgun....
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S4
Mogdred: Hmm I sense a disturbance in the force
Motley: Perhaps in S5 you are going to be replaced by a different villain with incompetant henchmen and the ability to sit and stare into a spyglass for ages. Someone who has a ridiculously badguylike name such as Lord Fear
Prolonged Silence
Mogdred: actually i meant the curry I had last night. They won't replace me willl they Sniff I need this job, I just put in an order for 4000 new goblins. I mean in 4 season I have been in charge 2 have had no winners.
TC: Erm John would you come here a moment
Mogdred: John? There is no John here mortal. Look upon Mogred and quake
TC: Riiight, well look upon your dissmisal and quake!
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Julius Scaramounger:
"OH Helow There. Right then Dungeoneer I was going to try and sell you something total uselass, BUT instead I'll give you what you need to complet this level.
AND It's FREE OF CHARGE.
**Skarkill To Richard **(S5)
"Thats A Goblain Horn That.... But You Tryed Realy hard to convince Me It Was Magic..... Oh What The Heck Go On get Out of here I'll Let You Go.
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Majida: "I like dees puzzle. It really easy and dunjin-ear has nice clear view of whole room."
Say Emii, did you get the idea for this from the "backwards day" at the end of season two?
Anyway, I want put a transcript of this topic on my website as it's ideal for the sort of articles I usually put up there. That okay with everyone?
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