Knightmare logo
  • Characters
    Powers that Be Opposition Unaligned
  • Dungeon
    Handpainted CGI Locations
  • Backstage
    Experiences Interviews History How Knightmare was made Convention
  • Fanzone
    Online Coverage Articles Magazines Fan projects
  • Series
    Series 2 Series 3 Series 4 Series 5 Series 6 Series 7 Series 8 Geek Week International Knightmare VR Series 1
  • Events
    Pre-2021 2021 2022 2023 2024 2025 2026
Skip to content
  • Categories
  • Recent
  • Tags
  • Popular
  • Users
  • Groups
Collapse
  1. Home
  2. Jester's Corner
  3. They would never say...

They would never say...

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Jester's Corner
431 Posts 58 Posters 0 Views
  • Oldest to Newest
  • Newest to Oldest
  • Most Votes
Reply
  • Reply as topic
Log in to reply
This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
  • F
    F
    Fidjit
    wrote on last edited by
    #112

    Fatilla: Tell me or you'll be blipped and then blopped!

    Dungeoneer: Fat slob!

    Fatilla: Huuuuh!

    Dungeoneer: I-I-I said "Good Job"


    Treguard impersonating Mildread


    Lillith forming a bridge for nothing...

    "Okay, fine you have nothing! I'll let you off..."


    Mogdread: This is your future play pen...

    Dungeoneer: Where are the toys then?

    Mogdread: Uhh... Play with the bars of the door...

    DUNGEONNER DOES

    Dungeoneer: I've never had so much fun in all my life!!! Oh wow this is so cool!!!

    Advisors: Starve already!

    BOOOOOOONG!

    1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • F
      F
      FrightKnight
      wrote on last edited by
      #113

      (On a day when the rugby is on, only KM is left. Or is it?)

      Dungeoneer: Where am I?

      Advisors: You're in a room, and...wait, isn't that Queen T-Bag?

      Treguard: Um, so it is.

      Queen T-Bag: Where are the sunstones of Montezuma?

      Treguard: You are too late. Your programme isn't on today.

      Pat Sharp: Welcome to Fun house!

      Treguard: And you can go away too!

      Pat Sharp: Watch it, beardie, or I'll get the girls to gunge you.

      Treguard: I bet that's not even a real mullet. (Pulls hair) Look, it's just fake.

      Pat Sharp: OW! Stop that! It's real! I bet your beard is fake (starts pulling beard)

      Treguard: Ouch! Why you- (continues)

      Pickle: Sorry i'm late, master, bu-wha-?

      Queen T-Bag: Ooh, I've always liked a man with odd eyebrows.

      Pickle: Gulp

      Advisors: I think we'd best go home.

      Dungeoneer: Hello? Where am I? Where is everyone? Hello?

      Announcer of Dangermouse: And so, the sun sets of another adventure. Tune in next week for another episode of Fun-Mare! I mean Knight-mouse! I mean...oh forget it. I wonder if that job as a BBC weatherman is still available...?

      1 Reply Last reply
      0
      • S
        S
        Scott_Wilkinson
        wrote on last edited by
        #114

        Lord Fear - "You haven't had much food recently, have you Ben? Well, I hate to see people die, so, have this loaf of bread."

        Treguard - "Here, Majida, you sit in my chair now. After all, you are carrying my baby."

        Motley - "Hmm, I wonder if it's about time I started telling rude jokes for a change."

        1 Reply Last reply
        0
        • F
          F
          FrightKnight
          wrote on last edited by
          #115

          Elita: Hello! My, you're looking good today. Isn't everything wonderful? But enogh about my opinions. Would you like this green gem stone? Julius Scaramonger gave it to me in a fit of generousity.

          1 Reply Last reply
          0
          • D
            D
            Drassil
            Senior staff
            wrote on last edited by
            #116

            Treguard: 'Team, the Eye Shield is currently at the blacksmith's for repairs, so here instead is the Nose Shield. Now, when you find a spyglass, hold it up in front of the Nose Shield, and we'll finally be able to discover what aftershave Lord Fear uses.'

            Pickle: 'If any.'


            Little Miss Muffet: 'Where am I?'

            Little Jack Horner: 'OK, LMM, you're in like a room with a rocky ledge, and just ahead of you there's what seems like a low stool of some kind. There's something on it so can you walk forward? ... Stop. Can you see the stool?'

            LMM: 'Yeah. I think it's a tuffet.'

            Little Red Riding Hood: 'What's on it?'

            LMM: 'Some food... whey, and curds.'

            Treguard: 'Caution, Team, don't dally in this place; danger is approaching.'

            Little Tommy Tucker: 'OK, put the food in your knapsack.'

            [Instead, LMM sits down and begins to eat the food.]

            LRRH: 'What are you doing?!'

            LMM: 'This is my favourite food, I'm not gonna shove it in a bag, alright?'

            Treguard: 'Warning! This is Ariadne's lair...'

            [Ariadne has crawled over to LMM. The Advisors scream at her. LMM gets up and away just in time.]


            [Fidjit comes up to a Series 7 Dungeoneer.]

            Fidjit: 'Hello there, Fidjit's the name.'

            Dungeoneer: 'Look, Mr. Valentine - or may I call you Paul? - why don't you just: creep back to your dressing room; slip into your Motley outfit; come back; and we'll say no more about it, eh?'

            1 Reply Last reply
            0
            • HStormH
              HStormH
              HStorm
              wrote on last edited by
              #117

              Brollachan:  You got the answer to the riddle wrong.

              Pickle:  We mustn't get too involved.

              Majida:  I like you, Treguard.

              Gideon:  Must watch my language.

              Ridolfo:  

              Cedric:  You look handsome.

              Gumboil:  No more for me, I'm driving.

              Dooris:  WAHEEEEEEYYY!!!

              Lord Fear:  I got it wrong.

              Igneous:  I respect your intelligence.

              Me:  I like season six.

              1 Reply Last reply
              0
              • F
                F
                Fidjit
                wrote on last edited by
                #118

                Cedric beats his stick over the dungeoneers head:

                Dungeoneer: OUCH!

                Advisor: Come on that didn't hurt!

                Dungeoneer: groan urrnngggh!

                Advisors: Are you alright?

                Dungeoneer: No, the stick sort of went through the helmet into my head...

                Treguard: CEDRIC! How many times have I told you not to use a crowbar...

                Cedric: That wasn't a crowbar that was a scaffolding pole!

                1 Reply Last reply
                0
                • ?
                  ?
                  Guest
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #119

                  Lord Fear: Well then, i was going to stand here and do a long and pointless speech and taunt you, thus giving you time to defeat me, however I have discovered this invention

                   Pulls Out Gun

                  LF: So I will just ice you instead!

                  😧 What shall I BANG! Oh lord, i'm bleeeding

                  A: Hey, that's cheating

                  😧 Guys I am bleeding to death here

                  A: We don't care about you we want a Frightnight trophy

                  Pickle: Well master, it looks like Lord Fear must be taught a lesson

                  Treguard: Yes Pickle, bring me my shotgun....

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  0
                  • S
                    S
                    simiano
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #120

                    dungeoneer falls off cause way

                    Tregaurd: ohhh nasty and that was real

                    Advisor: oh great runs in dungeon and follows dam they fixed it oh well who want pizza

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    0
                    • JamesAJ
                      JamesAJ
                      JamesA
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #121

                      Advisor: "Spellcasting.... C H E A T "

                      Treguard: "You've done it team - you've mastered the dungeon!"  ;D

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      0
                      • S
                        S
                        simiano
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #122

                        actually in seris 3 mogdred gave them a glory which would make them winners

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • JamesAJ
                          JamesAJ
                          JamesA
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #123

                          Although the use of that spell would have meant that team succumbed to the dark side....  😕  😢

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          0
                          • S
                            S
                            simiano
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #124

                            anyways back to the topic

                            Mogdred: take off the helmet

                            Dungoner: yey i can see yo tregaurd dismiss my advisers i dont needem

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            0
                            • ?
                              ?
                              Guest
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #125

                              S4

                              Mogdred: Hmm I sense a disturbance in the force

                              Motley: Perhaps in S5 you are going to be replaced by a different villain with incompetant henchmen and the ability to sit and stare into a spyglass for ages. Someone who has a ridiculously badguylike name such as Lord Fear

                                    Prolonged Silence

                              Mogdred: actually i meant the curry I had last night. They won't replace me willl they Sniff I need this job, I just put in an order for 4000 new goblins. I mean in 4 season I have been in charge 2 have had no winners.

                              TC: Erm John would you come here a moment

                              Mogdred: John? There is no John here mortal. Look upon Mogred and quake

                              TC: Riiight, well look upon your dissmisal and quake!

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • S
                                S
                                simiano
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #126

                                actually its quail

                                LF: hmm this crystal ball needs broadband

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                0
                                • E
                                  E
                                  Emii
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #127

                                  ADVISORS: "It's Morphin' time!"

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • HStormH
                                    HStormH
                                    HStorm
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #128

                                    Anyone on Aqash's Team:  "I know the answer to that one!"

                                    Pickle:  "Go on, tell them your name."

                                    Lord Fear:  "I feel so ashamed."

                                    Merlin:  "I remember that."

                                    Treguard:  "Mogdred's a big jessie-pants!"

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    0
                                    • SkarkillS
                                      SkarkillS
                                      Skarkill
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #129

                                      Julius Scaramounger:

                                      "OH Helow There. Right then Dungeoneer I was going to try and sell you something total uselass, BUT instead I'll give you what you need to complet this level.

                                      AND It's FREE OF CHARGE.

                                      **Skarkill To Richard **(S5)

                                      "Thats A Goblain Horn That.... But You Tryed Realy hard to convince Me It Was Magic..... Oh What The Heck Go On get Out of here I'll Let You Go.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      0
                                      • HStormH
                                        HStormH
                                        HStorm
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #130

                                        Majida:  "I like dees puzzle. It really easy and dunjin-ear has nice clear view of whole room."

                                        Say Emii, did you get the idea for this from the "backwards day" at the end of season two?

                                        Anyway, I want put a transcript of this topic on my website as it's ideal for the sort of articles I usually put up there. That okay with everyone?

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        0
                                        • ?
                                          ?
                                          Guest
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #131

                                          fine by me, is there a link to your website?

                                          1 Reply Last reply
                                          0

                                          Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.

                                          Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.

                                          With your input, this post could be even better 💗

                                          Register Login
                                          Reply
                                          • Reply as topic
                                          Log in to reply
                                          • Oldest to Newest
                                          • Newest to Oldest
                                          • Most Votes


                                          • Login

                                          • Don't have an account? Register

                                          • Login or register to search.

                                          The Team

                                          Join
                                          Submissions
                                          Contact
                                          KM Chat
                                          Privacy Policy

                                          The Site

                                          About
                                          Search
                                          Site Map
                                          Terms & Conditions
                                          Q&A

                                          Keep up-to-date with Knightmare news:
                                          Visit KnightmareTV on X Visit KnightmareTV on Facebook Visit KnightmareTV on YouTube Receive Browser Notifications See our RSS Feed
                                          © Copyright Knightmare.com 1999-2026. All Rights Reserved. Moral rights are asserted.
                                          • First post
                                            Last post
                                          0
                                          • Categories
                                          • Recent
                                          • Tags
                                          • Popular
                                          • Users
                                          • Groups