They would never say...
-
[Sir Hugh has fallen over in Wolfenden. Sylvester Hands walks past.]
Sir Hugh: I say - excuse me!
Hands: Yeah? What've I done?
Sir Hugh: Yes, hello. I've had another run-in with Hordriss. He's cast a spell so that my feet are now attached to my wrists, whilst my hands are attached to my ankles. Deucedly difficult to walk - that's why I've fallen over. I'm Sir Hugh de Wittless. Who might you be?
Hands: I'm Sylvester 'Ands. Y'know, 'ands, like feet, but...
-
I don't think this one's been done yet (and actually, now I think about, it may belong on the "I had a silly idea" thread).
Lord Fear: "Any last, weak, grovelly requests before I squish you up extra crispy with a fireball, little Dungeoneer?"
Dungeoneer: "Well if I have to go out, I'd like to go out on a song..."
Lord Fear: "Oh how predictably pathetic. Go on then, get it over with, then I'll shrivel you down to the size of a silverfish's genital warts..."
Dungeoneer: "There may be trouble aheeeead...
But while there's moonlight and music
And love and romaaaaance...
Let's face the music... and dance!"
-
Aesandre: Cor blimey, it's a bit taters! Brrr. I'd better stick the 'eating on.
[Merlin walks into the hairdressers: Haircare By Giles.]
Giles: Hello, Sir, what can I do for you?
Merlin: Ah, yes, I'm hoping for a change of style. Please give me... a Hordriss! [Merlin chuckles]
[Giles presses a button, and seat restraints shoot across Merlin's chair.]
Giles: A Pat Sharp, did you say, Sir? OK then...
-
Aesandre: Lord Fear, your courtship grows tiresome. I have snowmen in Winteria more appealing than you.
Lord Fear: How dare you? I... I don't know what to say.
Aesandre: Try expressing yourself through 1980s popular music lyrics.
Lord Fear: I must say, Queen Aesandre, that [gets up and sings, with backing music kicking in] 'You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice our love...'
-
Treguard: Why don't we do what the french do on Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe for a change? Which means, if your dungeoneer loses, I pick one of you advisors to be the next dungeoneer.
(Clip from Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe.)
Master of the Castle: (Edited) Bouffo, why are you going to the toilet for?
Bouffo (Jester): Oui Oui.
-
Lord Fear to Lissard: Oh damn it, I can't scare any dungeoneers today Lissard, as I am due to address the House of Lords about the Fox Hunting Bill. Will you take charge of things in my absence?
Lissard: Most certainly your master-ness. I will breathe my tuna breath-ness on those kids-ness. That will knock them out instantly-ness
-
[End of episode]
Treguard: Will our team survive into level three? Or will Lord Fear triumph once more? There's only one way to find out. Isn't there?
[Credits roll.]
Elmo from Sesame Street: [V.O.] This episode of Knightmare was brought to you in association with the letter E, and with the number two!
-
(S8)
Treguard: Team, you need food soon, cake force is fading!
Advisors: Right, in the top right is a cake, jump up and grab it
Dungeoneer grabs the cake force animation and places it in his sack, the life force face re-appears
Treguard: Well done team, you've redeemed the life force face by defeating the evil cake!
-
[Another one that may be better off in the KM Jokes Thread, if anywhere...]
Dungeoneer: Excuse me, Pickle, but why is Treguard sitting on your head?
Pickle: This is Hugo, my hatt.
-
Team 2 Series 2 - Encounters ghost in clue room!
Treguard: Oh dear, you needed Cedrics magic for survival but I'm afraid you've...
(Dungeoneer is on the phone and puts down the receiver after a while)
Dungeoneer: Don't worry everyone... WHO YE GONNA CALL?
In runs Peter from the GHOSTBUSTERS he unleashes an immense bolt from his partical eliminator... Before chucking out a trap to retreive the ghost
Peter: Thanks, we we're short on work lately!
Treguard looks on in a surprised way
Treguard: Very impressive team!
(Sorry I was listening to Ghostbusters at the time, the idea just came out of my head... ;D)
-
The year is 2004, Treguard & Pickle are still waiting for a new series.
Treguard: Looks like we're gonna be here for a long time, Pickle. Why don't we watch this new movie I've got? It's called "Sexual Experiences" starring Phil McRackin.
-
Advisors: Where are we?
Dungeoneer: OK, you're in a small castle-type room. Don't worry, you're not going to fall off anything. In front of you there's like a screen. To your right, there's a man with a beard, sitting in a stationary chair, and next to him there's another man, dressed in green... There's some stuff in front of you, so look downward... side-glance slightly to your left... stop. Can you see what it is?
Advisors: Yes, there are three clipboards, with paper and pencils.
Dungeoneer: OK, pick up the clipboards and put them on your laps. And hold the pencils... one each.
Advisors: What shall we do now? Shall we talk to the man?
Dungeoneer: Er... OK. Side-glance to your left... no, sorry, your right... Stop.
Treguard: Whose idea was this, please?
[Merlin runs through the antechamber with a strait jacket and a Father Christmas hat on.]
-
Dungeoneer dies.
Treguard: Wow! What a way to die.
Next dungeoneer dies.
Treguard: Oooooh, nasty. Ok, you lot, push off home. I'm sure there's a team more better than you waiting to have a go. Go on, I'm not sending you home by magic.
-
Dungeoneer: Where am I?
Advisor: You're in a room-
Dungeoneer: Yes, I know that....I'm not in a pile of mashed potato.
Treguard: Listen team, this looks like part of Lord Fear's technomagic. Even I can't seem to decipher the exact location here.
(Suddenly a screen flickers into life. Sir Patrick Moore appears on screen)
GamesMaster: Welcome to my Kingdom. And what gaming problem can I help you with?
Treguard: I'm afraid you've got the wrong-
Dungeoneer: I have been stuck on Ecco The Dolphin...
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