They would never say...
-
[A Dungeoneer enters a room, wearing tap shoes.]
Dungeoneer: Where am I?
Advisor #1: OK, you're in a plainish room, with four walls, and like a doorway in the far left corner. There's also a table in the centre of the chamber with objects on... oh, and a spotlight.
Advisor #3: Right, we're gonna get you over to the clue table, so tap-dance left... stop.... pivot right a bit... alright, tap-dance forward... watch it, your arms are flailing a bit... now, jump to your left... slide forward, and... jazz hands!
Advisor #2: Now, can you see the table?
Dungeoneer: No.
-
Advisor: Side-step left a bit. Now take a few steps forward. Stop. Now, raise your arms spreading apart above your head. Now bend them in on each other. Part them and swing them to the left. Put them above your head again, pointing inwards this time. Okay. Spellcasting: Y, M...
-
The official slogan:
Vote for Lord Fear...* ...or else!*
-
Mogdred [greeting a particular American politician]: 'Look upon Mogdred... look upon Mogdred, Dan Quayle!'
-
Treguard: Go on, Pickle, do your impersonation of an IT teacher at the end of a Year 8 IT lesson.
Pickle: Very well, Master. 'I say, you lot... log off.'
-
Festus: Maiow!
Dungeoneer: Enter, Treguard!
-
as the dungeoneer picks up the crown Lord F appears to gloat
Treguard: Extreme danger team! Fortunately you still have the revolver that Greystagg gave you, put it to use!
Lord F: (upon seeing the dungeoneer draw the gun) What the...?! Bang
-
Sidriss - "Oh, I know the answer to that one."
Teacher - "Well, Sylvester Hands, you've got 10 out of 10 in your spelling test."
-
Blocker: 'Password, please.'
Smirkenorff: 'Treguard, why is your sword called Wyrmslayer?'
Treguard: 'Er... well, you see... look, a puppeteer!' [runs off]
Malice: Morgie?
Morghanna: Yeah?
Malice: Can I, like, borrow your dress?
Morghanna: Which one?
Malice: The black one? You haven't worn it since, like, last year. And the head bit. Please?
Morghanna: Alright. But don't spill anything on it. Pause Why doesn't Mogdred ever call?
Dungeoneer: Spellcasting: P-I-C-K-M-E-U-P
Despair: sings Pick me up, before you go-go, don't leave me looking at you feeling so low...
-
The dungeoneer is using a spyglass. Lord F gives out the vital info then looks straight at Dungeoneer
Lord F: Stressed? Nervy? Irrittable? Tired of life? Winks Keep it up.
-
It's the winning quest of series 6. just as Ben is finishing the great causeway Julius Scaramonger shows up.
Scaramonger: Hello there, young shaver me lad. And er, how are you this fine day?
Ben: I'm fine.
S: Well, ben, I regret to inform you that there is now a toll for crossing this causeway, and if you don't pay up, you don't go thurther. The toll is three gold bars.
B: But that's not fair! I can only carry two things at once! and I haven't seen any gold in ages!
S: Well, I'm sorry but that's not my fault. Those are the rules, you see, and rules are rules, so... Shoves Ben backwards over edge of causeway
B: Yaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!
S: Turns to face Tim Child who is stood behind him Right, there, it's done. Now pay up.
Tim: Handing over heavy sack of gold Mwa ha ha! Now there will be no winners in this series! or the next! Or the one after that! I'm so dastardly! Oh, yes indeed!
-
One from series eight...
*The gate is open and a young dungeoneer is about to enter. However, as he does, he trips and falls down the stone steps, landing heavily at the bottom.
Dungeoneer: Ow...
Treguard: Are you allright down there?
No...I can't feel my legs.T: Oh, dear...this looks bad.
I'm scared. my back hurts.T: Erm...just hang on. We'll do something.
sobbing I want to go home...T: To Tim Child Can we get sued for this?
Tim: Yes.
T: Right...right...
A few minutes later...
Dungeoneer sits with leg bandaged. Treguard is talking to him gently.
T: Now here you go, here's a nice Frightknight trophy for you. And a big pile of money. Have this X-Box too, even though it hasn't been invented yet. Now, we give you all this and in return, you tell your family and friends that you fell when you were getting out of the taxi, Okay?
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login