They would never say...
-
Treguard: Aah, Bisto!
Treguard: Nicole?
Majida: Papa?
[1988: Series 2. A dungeoneer is leaving Merlin's hall.]
Merlin: Oh, er, take this exit. [A new portal appears.] It's much better.
[The dungeoneer does so. He enters a dark room with Rick Astley's face looming large in one corner.]
Rick Astley: Welcome to Rick's Playpen. Now you're here, I'm Never Gonna Give You Up. We'll be together a while. Together... Forever! [Evil laughter.]
Treguard: Oooh, nastley! I'm afraid you were 'Rickrolled' by Merlin, team. You know the rules, and so do I: your quest cannot continue, so it's D, I, S, M, I, S, S.
-
Hehehe
Hordriss seems to have taken the form of Noel Edmonds.
Treguard: Aaaahh, beware team this is Edmonds the confuser, neither light or dark but distinctly grey.........
Dungeoneer: Errr, hi.
Edmonds: Hello there young one. Hang on a moment.. (Phone rings).
Two way conversation between Edmonds and the caller begins.
Edmonds: Ahh yes, hello there sir. Yes he's made in to level 2. No, not level 3 yet.
Caller: Hmmmm. I want to offer him a compromise on his quest. Either he can continue his quest for the sword of freedom or he can have a cheque for £250,000 and go home.
Edmonds: I'll let him know.
Edmonds: You have a choice young dungeoneer. Either you can take home a cheque for £250,000 or you may continue your quest for the sword. What's it to be.
Pause.
Treguard: Come on team you must make a decision.
Advisor: £250,000 is a lot of money. Let's take it.
Edmonds: £250,000 DEAL OR NO DEAL?
Dungeoneer: Deal!!!!!
Pickle: Hmmm, I'm not sure that was the right choice master!!!
Treguard: stupid elf, of course it was. Team, can I have a share of the money?
-
Series 3 - Team 1
Treguard: "Wait team these caverns are far larger than any that have ever existed so far in the dungeon... Best not to linger for Gavin is in need of food!"
Advisor: "If you'd kindly shut up we'll do that... I seriously swear your trying to kill us!"
-
[Block & Tackle, Series 4, Quest 4.]
Andrew: Simon! Sidestep to your left.
[Simon does so, and falls down a hole.]
Simon: Weeeeeeeee! Ouch.
Andrew: [To Donna Noble from Doctor Who, standing behind him] That's the last time I take advice from a time-travelling Cockney!
Pickle: She ain't fussed, Master.
Treguard: Bovvered, Pickle. It's bovvered.
Boatman: Shallow is the Dunswater, and hot. The fare for the crossing is pizza or pot.
Treguard: [Sighs] That's the last time we give a student a holiday job.
Lillith: Rock to rock and bop to pop, jive to jazz until you drop! This is Lil on 87-88 KM, Zone Radio, playing the music you just can't help grooving to. I'm back with your requests, right after this.
[The Present Day. At the home of Scott, veteran dungeoneer of Series 3, his baby son has pulled himself up from the floor and is holding onto the sofa.]
Scott's Wife: Quick, I think he's about to start walking. Get the camera!
[Scott runs out. But by the time he's returned with the camera, the baby has already walked.]
Scott: Oh no, I missed the first step! [Looks into the camera.] Like that's never happened before. [Winks.]
Scott's Wife: What?
(With apologies to Scott and to any real-life wives and children he may have.)
[A dungeoneer steps into the descender, which then begins to speak.]
Descender: Yes, hello and welcome. I am the Desecender, anachronist, minemalist and with flooring smoother than a wellway's bottom. Enjoy your ride.
(Just repaying some old compliments. )
-
And I can't thank you enough. You've actualy gone and put me in a good mood. See? This is my 'happy' face.
-
Treguard: The f*****g power's off!
-
Lord Fear: "You know Lissard, I think I'm falling in love with you."
-
Igneous: "I praise you for your courageous efforts at answering my riddles."
-
(Start of series 7, right after Majida pops out of her bottle)
Treguard: I'll buy that for a dollar! Gahahahaha!!!
Olaf: Lemon curry?!
-
Lord Fear: Do you really expect me to let you through easily you puny minded fool?
Lord Fear: Err... I guess that means yes?
Dungeoneer: I thought you were an expert at technology grey-face! I would have used a camera but that kind of 'red-eye' is less satisfying than this one! Mwahahahahaha!
-
Dungeoneer: Okay there's a table with a red gem, a scroll, some sort of key and a MK-47.
Advisors: Do you think we should take the key and the gem?
Dungeoneer: Are you nuts? I'm taking the MK-47
Advisors: Uh are you sure..?
Dungeoneer: Hey i didn't start this thing BUT NOW IT'S F***ING OOOOON!!!
-
Treguard: Now, you've read the Adventurer's Code. There are few rules in the Dungeon but those there are, I'll remind you of. The first rule of Knightmare is: you do not talk about Knightmare. The second rule of Knightmare is: you do NOT talk about Knightmare.
-
Treguard: "The gate is opening, the visor's cl-...
You know what? Bugger the visor. You've enough to deal with as it is."
-
Grimwold (to Young Grimwold)*: Good talk, son.
*During a cross-Dungeon Grimwold family vacation with so-called hilarious consequences.
-
Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login