They would never say...
-
Treguard: Aah, Bisto!
Treguard: Nicole?
Majida: Papa?
[1988: Series 2. A dungeoneer is leaving Merlin's hall.]
Merlin: Oh, er, take this exit. [A new portal appears.] It's much better.
[The dungeoneer does so. He enters a dark room with Rick Astley's face looming large in one corner.]
Rick Astley: Welcome to Rick's Playpen. Now you're here, I'm Never Gonna Give You Up. We'll be together a while. Together... Forever! [Evil laughter.]
Treguard: Oooh, nastley! I'm afraid you were 'Rickrolled' by Merlin, team. You know the rules, and so do I: your quest cannot continue, so it's D, I, S, M, I, S, S.
-
Hehehe
Hordriss seems to have taken the form of Noel Edmonds.
Treguard: Aaaahh, beware team this is Edmonds the confuser, neither light or dark but distinctly grey.........
Dungeoneer: Errr, hi.
Edmonds: Hello there young one. Hang on a moment.. (Phone rings).
Two way conversation between Edmonds and the caller begins.
Edmonds: Ahh yes, hello there sir. Yes he's made in to level 2. No, not level 3 yet.
Caller: Hmmmm. I want to offer him a compromise on his quest. Either he can continue his quest for the sword of freedom or he can have a cheque for £250,000 and go home.
Edmonds: I'll let him know.
Edmonds: You have a choice young dungeoneer. Either you can take home a cheque for £250,000 or you may continue your quest for the sword. What's it to be.
Pause.
Treguard: Come on team you must make a decision.
Advisor: £250,000 is a lot of money. Let's take it.
Edmonds: £250,000 DEAL OR NO DEAL?
Dungeoneer: Deal!!!!!
Pickle: Hmmm, I'm not sure that was the right choice master!!!
Treguard: stupid elf, of course it was. Team, can I have a share of the money?
-
Series 3 - Team 1
Treguard: "Wait team these caverns are far larger than any that have ever existed so far in the dungeon... Best not to linger for Gavin is in need of food!"
Advisor: "If you'd kindly shut up we'll do that... I seriously swear your trying to kill us!"
-
[Block & Tackle, Series 4, Quest 4.]
Andrew: Simon! Sidestep to your left.
[Simon does so, and falls down a hole.]
Simon: Weeeeeeeee! Ouch.
Andrew: [To Donna Noble from Doctor Who, standing behind him] That's the last time I take advice from a time-travelling Cockney!
Pickle: She ain't fussed, Master.
Treguard: Bovvered, Pickle. It's bovvered.
Boatman: Shallow is the Dunswater, and hot. The fare for the crossing is pizza or pot.
Treguard: [Sighs] That's the last time we give a student a holiday job.
Lillith: Rock to rock and bop to pop, jive to jazz until you drop! This is Lil on 87-88 KM, Zone Radio, playing the music you just can't help grooving to. I'm back with your requests, right after this.
[The Present Day. At the home of Scott, veteran dungeoneer of Series 3, his baby son has pulled himself up from the floor and is holding onto the sofa.]
Scott's Wife: Quick, I think he's about to start walking. Get the camera!
[Scott runs out. But by the time he's returned with the camera, the baby has already walked.]
Scott: Oh no, I missed the first step! [Looks into the camera.] Like that's never happened before. [Winks.]
Scott's Wife: What?
(With apologies to Scott and to any real-life wives and children he may have.)
[A dungeoneer steps into the descender, which then begins to speak.]
Descender: Yes, hello and welcome. I am the Desecender, anachronist, minemalist and with flooring smoother than a wellway's bottom. Enjoy your ride.
(Just repaying some old compliments. )
-
And I can't thank you enough. You've actualy gone and put me in a good mood. See? This is my 'happy' face.
-
Treguard: The f*****g power's off!
-
Lord Fear: "You know Lissard, I think I'm falling in love with you."
-
Igneous: "I praise you for your courageous efforts at answering my riddles."
-
(Start of series 7, right after Majida pops out of her bottle)
Treguard: I'll buy that for a dollar! Gahahahaha!!!
Olaf: Lemon curry?!
-
Lord Fear: Do you really expect me to let you through easily you puny minded fool?
Lord Fear: Err... I guess that means yes?
Dungeoneer: I thought you were an expert at technology grey-face! I would have used a camera but that kind of 'red-eye' is less satisfying than this one! Mwahahahahaha!
-
Dungeoneer: Okay there's a table with a red gem, a scroll, some sort of key and a MK-47.
Advisors: Do you think we should take the key and the gem?
Dungeoneer: Are you nuts? I'm taking the MK-47
Advisors: Uh are you sure..?
Dungeoneer: Hey i didn't start this thing BUT NOW IT'S F***ING OOOOON!!!
-
Treguard: Now, you've read the Adventurer's Code. There are few rules in the Dungeon but those there are, I'll remind you of. The first rule of Knightmare is: you do not talk about Knightmare. The second rule of Knightmare is: you do NOT talk about Knightmare.
-
Treguard: "The gate is opening, the visor's cl-...
You know what? Bugger the visor. You've enough to deal with as it is."
-
Grimwold (to Young Grimwold)*: Good talk, son.
*During a cross-Dungeon Grimwold family vacation with so-called hilarious consequences.
-
Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
-
Lord Fear: Curse you, Barry the Dungeoneer!
Given the title of this thread, along with a vague recollection of him swearing revenge on a dungeoneer called Barry at the end of Series 7, I fear (no pun intended) I am missing something. Would you mind explaining please?
[A dungeoneer falls victim to the Automatum and its weapon.]
Treguard: WOAH. Epic flail, team.
[Firestorm of Marblehead, a.k.a. Bhal-Shebah, turns up at Linghorm, as ordered by Lord Fear. Hiding behind a wall, Maldame magically transplants a third personality into the dragon, before stepping onto her balcony.]
Maldame: What do you want?
Bhal-Shebah: We're here to torch Linghorn.
Shebah: Horm.
Bhal: What?
Shebah: Linghorm.
Bhal: Yeah, like it matters when the place won't exist in two seconds' time. Where are we going after this anyway?
Shebah: Birningham.
Maldame: No, no, no!
Shebah: Why did you say that three times? Are you referencing something?
Maldame: Once for each of your personalities, and the third time was a recap.
Bhal: So, er, can we get on with burning Lingholm, and you?
Maldame: You burn if you want. The lady's not for bur-
[Maldame & Linghorm are consumed in a volley of fireballs.]
Shebah: Couldn't you have let her finish?
Bhal: 'Ning'. She was going to say 'ning', then stand there defiantly. Ow-ow-ow-ow, sudden headache. Do you feel that? Did we just eat ice cream?
Casper: Hey-hey! Third personality breaking through!
Shebah: Aaagh!
Casper: So tell me, who put the Bhal in the Bhal-Shebah-Shebah?
Bhal: Get out of our head! How do we get him out?
[A Maldame Skull Ghost floats up from the Linghorm ruins.]
Maldame Skull Ghost: Keyhole surgery!
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