They would never say...
-
Hordriss: Yo yo yo Dungeoneer, like my new medallion? Dontcha think its totally bling. Now I is wantin u 2 bring me back a bit of crack.
Dungeoneer: Puts on helmet
Treguard: Now Majida, now!
Majida: Whacks him over the head
Dungeoneer wakes up to find himself on a slave ship
-
Treguard; "Now you are ready for your quest. That is if you dont want to change your mind now?"
Dungeoneer; "Erm, well, as you come to mention it, I do! I mean I just saw the last guy die, I thought he was gonna win, but now, I know have no chance at all! Sorry to waste your time!"
Treguard; "Err, right, erm yes, ok! Pickle, you'll just have to go instead!"
-
[Dungeoneer is sliced on the Corridor Of Blades]
Treguard: My gosh, one of the blades got him!
Pickle: He's bleeding quite badly, Master. Both halves.
Treguard: Oh *?@#! Pickle, get down to the Anglia TV Canteen - I believe the Friday serving lady did a First Aid course. Quickly!
Adviser [crying]: Is he gonna be OK?
Treguard: I don't know. I don't KNOW! [Lifts one arm of his chair, to reveal a phone handset. Dials.] Yes, Ambulance, please...
-
Series 8...
Treguard: Quiche force fading...!
-
Treguard: 'Enter, Stranger!'
Voice from behind wall: 'What, pass through a solid wall? I'm a prepubescent kid from Taunton! Magic's your department!'
-
Dungeoneer: I can see the cup that heals!
Treguard: Excellent team, now take it and exit through that door!
Dungeoneer: Hold on, I can also see the sword, the crown and a lost maid!
Treguard: Er, you just leave those for another dungeoneer.
Dungeoneer: Why? I may as well take them all.
Treguard: Well, er...you can only take two objects at a time...
Dungeoneer: No, it's alright, i can manage with all four of them. Even the maid...
(Treguard mutters under breath)
Later, with new team
Treguard: Well, team. You can choose your quest objects. You can search for the bucket that protects, the broom that sweeps, the...er...kitten that meows or...er...Pickle, just go off into the dungeon for a bit. Let the dungeoneers find you.
Pickle: But what if the dungeoneer gets killed before they reach me?
Treguard: Well, that's a risk you'll just have to take. Now, off with you you silly sprite.
-
Where am I?A: You're in a room and in the middle of the room there is a table. Can you see the table?
Yeah!A: Can you walk towards it please?
(Dungeoneer walks towards it. On reaching the table) Can you go around it to the other side please? (walks around it) What's on the table?
There's bar of gold, a key, a red gemstone and a loaf of bread!A: Put the bread in your knapsack
But I can't thoughA: Why not?
Cuz I'm on the Atkins Diet!(Different quest)
A: Infront of you on a small square table with a very large cup with ribbons on either side of it.
T: Not just any cup but the cup
A: Yes thee cup! Can you see it?
Yes!A: Can you walk towards it?
Yes! (walks towards the table) The ribbons appear the have something writton on them!A: Can you read what it says then?
Yes, they say Carling on them!... -
Treguard: Aaahhh its the sword pickle.
Pickle: THE sword master?
Treguard: Yes, the dungeoneers have recovered the sword from Lord Fear. Â I am now going to use it on my face.
Pickle: Master?!!
Treguard: Its Wilkinson sword pickle - I'm meeting a hooker tonight in the back of the Anglia studios, so I need to shave for first time in 20 years. Â I'm off to Marks and Sparks as well to get some new clothes - I'm sick of wearing this cloak all the time.
-
In the future there will be Knightmare.....
Ye Olde Treguard: Enter, Stranger
Martin: I'm no stranger its me Martin from S3 come for another go!
Ye Olde Treguard:Well I am a bit senile now so your all strangers
Martin: Arent you supposed to ask something?
Ye Olde Treguard: Erm Do you have any money?
Martin: No my name, which is Martin, and for me to call my advisor. advisors appear And here they are
Ye Olde Treguard: Ah, nevermind boys, you played well but the dungeon defeated you. spellcasting "D-I-S-S-M-I-S-S"
Advisors disappear
Martin: What the...? You old fool
Ye Olde Treguard: No I am afraid Merlin isnt here at the moment. Now if you could go then Pickle was about to give me a sponge bath!
-
After Lord Fear personally kills someone in the final chamber, he suddenly bursts out into song!
"I Feel Pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I Feel Pretty and witty and bright.." etc
Then from out of nowhere Lissard appears and goes;
" La la la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la la laaaaaaa!"
-
After Lord Fear personally kills someone in the final chamber, he suddenly bursts out into song!
"I Feel Pretty,
Oh so pretty,
I Feel Pretty and witty and bright.." etc
Then from out of nowhere Lissard appears and goes;
" La la la la la la laaaaaaa, la la la la la la laaaaaaa!"
Suddenly, from the shower, scargill screams: "that was uvly"
-
Series 1, Team 1
Advisors: Ok your in a room with a table and their are some objects on it, walk towards it
Dungeoneer: Ok the objects are a tax audit and other forms, an ink well and a quill and some reading glasses.
Treguard: Oh no team! The fiendish puzzle of the table of tax!
Advisors and Dungeoneer work out the tax forms and complete it just as life force becomes critical
Treguard: Well done team, you've done my taxes! Muwahahahha. You see their never was anything called Knightmare, i just hate doing taxes.
Runs away laughing
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