Musical Parody

Here's another offering from your "freindly" resident Goblin Master. Well I'm gonna go a questing And I'm gonna go for glory gonna try and survive the Knightmare dungeon Just tryin' to earn myself a Frightknight trophy Well, I got to level 1 found the trapdoor was locked A red Dragon said ”Sorry Kid time for you to fry” “Ohhh Nasty!!” Sometime I wonder What I'm gonnna do but There ain't no cure For the Knightmare blues Well, my advisers told me you ort to take the Horn. If you wanner get past that awful Goblin Master Well, I Blew on that Horn but no help did come. And Skarkill said, "You ain’t got no gold so your going no further." “Ohhh Nasty!!” Sometime I wonder What I'm gonnna do but There ain't no cure For the Knightmare blues Gonna Take Lord Fear’s ring Gonna trade with Julius Scaramounger Gonna try and bride Slimy Sylvester Hands Offered Him the ring to buy his silence Well, I thought we had a deal He took that ring and made to let me past But then tied me up with his magic Rope Off all The Villains to fall to I have to fall to Sly!! “ Ohhh Nasty!!” Sometime I wonder What I'm gonnna do but There ain't no cure For the Knightmare blues No there ain't no cure For the Knightmare blues No there ain't no cure For the Knightmare blues

[Well that was one big slice of the ol' Life Force Pie - let's just hope a certain Jim Levenstein keeps away from it! Maybe this number will help in that cause... ((based upon Dream Lover)) ] Every night I hope and pray The Cloud Walker will go my way I'd been away; called to arms The sea tempted me with its charms Because I want A town To call My own I want the Cloud Walker To finally find it's way home Cloud Walker, where are you? With a astrolabe, oh so poo! And a hammock in the hold Feeling sea sick if truth be told. Because I want A town To call My own I want the Cloud Walker To finally find it's way home Someday, I don't know how I hope Fear'll hear my plea Someway, I don't know how he'll bring her home for me Cloud Walker, until then I'll voyage deep And set sail again That's the only thing to do 'Til finally some land is in view. Because I want A town To call My own I want the Cloud Walker To finally find it's way home Cloud Walker, until then I'll voyage deep And set sail again That's the only thing to do 'Til finally some land is in view. Because I want A town To call My own I want the Cloud Walker To finally find it's way home Please, don't make me stay Afloat.

And as we've had Melly above followed by a love song let's now have a love song about our Melly by Motley! (adapted from Bobby Vee's Take good care of my baby) My jokes are failing 'cos she's been locked away. though Sidriss and Stiletta stir me so, there something that I got to say: Take good care of my Melly, I know that I let her fall far below. Just tell Mr G he adores her make sure you're questing for her in every wellway you fall through. Take good care of my Melly, now don't you ever make her cry. Don’t let goblins surround her, Waving their clubs all around her, And don't let on her age is a lie. Once upon a time that little maid was mine. If I had been true She'd never have got past Level 2. So take good care of my Melly, be prepared to dance round a tree! And if you should discover that you don't really want her just send my her up rope ward to me. Take good care of my Melly, be just as kind as you can be. And if you should discover that you don't really want her just send her up rope ward to me. Take good care of my Melly, take good care of my Melly, take good care of my Melly. ..

lol it would be funny if that happned

Inspired by the above [now the previous], here's a reworking of the title song from Cliff Richard's other great musical film, Summer Holiday: We're all going down a bladed corridor No more safety for a scene or two Stress and panic in the bladed corridor If he says "Nasty!" after "Ooh" Then our failure is true We're going where the blades gleam brightly We're going were the screen is blue We know we must be spritely Or our whole quest is through Every Watcher loves the bladed corridor Tension, shouting and then maybe "Phew!" So we're going down the bladed corridor It makes nightmares come true For a scene or two Help, I need the loo! And here's my 'tribute' to Captain Nemanor, based on Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations: Why are you such a bore (such a bore) Nemanor baby You just sail around (sail around) and never find ground And then worst of all (worst of all) a corridor maybe Leads me to your ship (to your ship) - I'd rather be whipped I hate you (I hate you) more than Birdseye or Janeway I wish I could use a mine cart What is more (what is more) Nemanor, your hat's a tart I walked onto your deck and I thought, flipping heck Where am I? Who is that imbecile? (ba-da-da) Ridiculous beard and an accent so weird It's not true - now you know how I feel (Hey hey hey) baby baby, get a shave Then go and find, your own astrolabe (Hey hey hey) I've a quest And it's not worth the stress Working for you (Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh) Why are you such a bore (such a bore) Nemanor baby You just sail around (sail around) and never find ground And then worst of all (worst of all) a corridor maybe Leads me to your ship (to your ship) - I'd rather be whipped I hate you (I hate you) more than Birdseye or Janeway I wish I could use a mine cart What is more (what is more) Nemanor, your hat's a tart To you I'm a threat and I owe you a debt because I Could be a stowaway (ba-da-da) Elita's here too, I prefer her to you, can't you try To please please go away? (Hey hey hey) baby baby, get a shave Then go and find, your own astrolabe (Hey hey hey) I've a quest And it's not worth the stress Working for you (Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)... [The following originally posted on Saturday 11 February 2006, 22:57; now amalgamated with previous post] Gundrada and Mellisandre's drinking song, in honour of their favourite pub; based on Girls Just Want to Have Fun as famously sung by Cyndi Lauper: I get caught in a set of stocks Old Hordriss just stands there next to Merlin and mocks I know you think I'm just a sword-wielding cur 'Cause girls they want the Heifer Oh girls just want the Heifer I fall down in the middle of the floor Old Treguard asks, "Don't you want to dodge those trapdoors?" Oh, DM dear, you know I thought you'd infer That girls they want the Heifer Oh girls just wanna quaff- That's all they really want To drink on When the questing day's over Oh girls just want the Heifer Oh girls just want the Heifer Girls, they want the Want the Heifer, girls Wanna quaff- Some boys take a beautiful maid And show her the birds and the bees in Wolfglade I wanna be the one to drink 'til I slur Oh girls they want the Heifer Oh girls just wanna quaff...

From the Beach Boys to Cliff Richard with barely a groan in between... The dumb ones, Viewer we’re the dumb ones, And dumb ones shouldn’t be dismayed. To venture, on While the decision is wrong, For we won’t be Dungeoneering very long. Next room, Why wait till the next room, The next room sometimes never comes. Lawks, whee, There’s a hole in the floor And the best time is to die while the level's small. Once in every series Comes a quest like this. I'll never reach Levels two and three. Oh my advisor I can’t see! Quest Objects Should be redeemed together, Moving blocks shouldn’t be delayed. And some day when the years have flown Viewer, KM-VR'll will kill the dumb ones of our own.

Seeing that tempted me to do the Jim Reeves Classic 'Thats what happens when two worlds collide'! Instead after listening to my recently acquired grange hill album of recordings from 1986 here is the Beach Boy's The Wanderer given the Mashi Makeover... Oh well I'm the type of guy who never stays above ground Where clue objects are well, you know that I'm around I take 'em and I store 'em 'cause to me they're all for gain I bribe 'em and I trick 'em and sometimes call their name They call me the Dungeoneer yeah the Dungeoner I quest around around around... Oh well there's Romahna on my left and there's Sidriss on my right And Marta is the girl with that I gained the nightsight And when she asks me who helped me the best I bring out the ring Stiletta gave from her chest 'Cause I'm the Dungeoneer yeah the Dungeoneer I quest around around around... Oh well I quest from levels' One to Three I have read the scrolls you see 'Tho I've put that Spyglass down Fears' technomancy has me stuck to the ground. I'm the type of guy that never stays above ground I'm never long in one place I roam from room to room And when I find Hordiss a-fallin' for some trap I cast that spell of mine and show him the real world Yeah I'm the Dungeoneer yeah the Dungeoneer I quest around around around...

...(yes, 'filk'...according to Wikipedia, that's the proper name for these kind of things. A 'songfic' is when you write a piece of fiction based around a song). Look out for another Christmas themed filk from us very soon. I find the Wikipedia entries on 'songfiction' and 'filk' to be ambiguous. It seems I'm wrong to have described my creations as songfics, but I dislike the word filk. Perhaps a neutral term such as 'song parody' is a fair compromise. ...we still haven't escaped Disney yet! I'm also planning "A VR world" from "A whole new world" in Aladdin. I'm about to parody that too... Official audio Julius Scaramonger sees a dungeoneer with a bar of gold, and bursts into song: I can see you have gold Shining shimmering splendid Tell me, dungeoneer, when did You last let your heart decide? If you open your eyes Even under that helmet All your hopes will be well-met As I trust I've now implied I'll hold your gold And sell fantastic things to you Your friends might tell you no Or where to go Or say I'm only scheming I'll hold your gold A dazzling deal you never knew But here in Wolfenden With fiends and men I know I want To hold that gold for you Unbelievable stock Indescribable discounts Such a range you might miscount As you're choosing what to buy I'll hold your gold (Don't you dare choose Ah Wok) A hundred thousand things on sale (The more carats the better) Here on my market stall I sell it all But kitchen sinks, cigars, or Holy Grails I'll hold your gold (It's the best type of rock) And help you on to Level Two (You won't be a regretter) Then you'll reach Level Three All thanks to me So let me take that bar of gold off you I'll hold your gold (A whole new world) That's what I'll do (That's what you'll do) A thrilling deal (Can this be real?) For me and me Instrumental

And from that gem of a filk onto another jewel this time from Billy Fury [Halfway to Paradise] , one of my all time favourite singers... I want to be a Winner, But "Seasons' End" is all I can say, I'm only half-way to my prize, so near...yet so far away... I long for that cup to be my cup, but just when I thought it may, You bring out that Christmas surprise, so near...yet so far away... Being on Level Three was a pleasure (pleas-ure) But it was taken all away I came so close to my quest's treasure, (trea-sure) That my hands were forbidden to touch... The Cup that Heals was not claimed, I tell thee And that's how it is going to stay, I was only half-way to my prize, so near...yet so far away... ...so near...yet so far away... ...so near...yet so far away... ...so near...yet so far away...

This is based on the team who waited before offering Elita that gem. We're stalling with no gain Just stalling with no gain What a deadening feeling I'm worried again I'm shouting at friends They're arguing, oh The fear's in my eyes And I need to know To know... Let the stormy clouds chase Everyone from the place Come on, yes or no? I've no smile on my face I'll stare at her face With an evergrowing bane Stalling, stalling with no gain With no gain. I'm stalling with no gain Just stalling with no gain What a deadening feeling I'm worried again I stare at her face With an evergrowing bane I'm stalling, stalling with no gain With no gain With no gain

Not familiar with the song, but looks good! This one's based on something I said in chat a few months ago. Treguard, elated that another team has won Knightmare, goes mental and starts jumping around the antechamber, making scary faces at the camera. Original lyrics here: http://www.lyricsdomain.com/16/prodigy/firestarter.html *Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm the main quest starter, Game On activator! I'm the Fear addicted, Opposition hated! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) I'm the dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) Wicked dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) I'm the dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! Many months I've waited! I'm infatuated! Yeah! Life force pie I've tasted, fell intoxicated! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) I'm the dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) Gnarly dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) I'm a self-inflicted, advisor helper! Yeah! And apart from Mogdred, expert interrupter! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) I'm the dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! (Hey! Hey! Hey!) Swanky dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! I'm the dungeon master, twisted dungeon master! Master, master, master... Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!*

Brilliant! And I expect to see more filks from you, Skarkill! Here's "Sit down, you're rocking the boat" The scene: Treguard nipped out for a bathroom break during a quest as there didn't seem to be much going on, but when he returns he finds a guilty-looking dungeoneer, and boatsman and team and wants to know what's going on... DUNGEONEER: I had tried my luck to get a boat to Dunshelm And by some chance I had brought my gold along and there I stood, and I hollered Someone take me but the boatsman there he burst right into song... For then said he sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat TEAM: Crowd around said sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat BOATSMAN: And Lord Fear will drag you under, by the sharp horn of your helm, take note: sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down BOATSMAN AND TEAM: sit down you're rocking the boat. BOATSKEEPER: I sailed the way on that little boat to Dunshelm and by some chance found a gold bar in my fist, and there I stood, nicely passin' out the chatter but my passenger was bound to resist... For the boatsman then said beware TEAM: Boatsman then said beware - beware you're on a five-star boat trip Boatsman then said beware Boatsman then said beware BOATSMAN: beware you'll mess up the ship And Lord Fear will drag you under By that fancy knapsack, stop playing the goat sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat DUNGEONEER: And as I laughed as that boatsman was going A great big wave came and washed me overboard and as I sank, and I hollered: Someone save me the moment I saw the blue screen said thank the Lord... TEAM: Thank the Lord, thank the Lord BOATSMAN: And I said to that boy sit down, TEAM: Said to that boy sit down - sit down BOATSMAN: sit down you're rocking the boat Said to that boy sit down, TEAM: said to that boy sit down sit down you're rocking the boat BOATSMAN: And Lord Fear will drag you under And Lord Fear will drag you under With all this heavy gold you'll never float, sit down BOATSMAN AND TEAM: sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat Sit down, you're rockin', sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat Sit down, you're rockin', sit down, sit down, sit down you're rockin' the boat Sit down you're rockin' the boat

Here's something from your freindly resident Goblin Master. Ony me second ever attempt at ever giveing a song the Knightmare touch so sorry if tis naff. May I present to you sung by Motely The Jester this version of Matt Monro's classic Love song and Theme tune to the 2nd ever James Bond Film FROM WINTERIA WITH LOVE. From Winteria with love, I ride to you. Much wiser since my goodbye to you. I've wandered these realms to learn I must return, From Winteria with love. I've seen Atlantis, Greenshades and Sidriss made me smile for a moment, but oh, you haunted me so. Still my tongue-tied young jester pride would not let my love for you show. In case you'd say no. To Winteria I rode. But there and then, I suddenly knew you'd care again. My running around is through. Dear Mellisandre I ride to you. From Winteria with love...

It's "I won't say I'm in love" sung by Meg in Hercules! I'm thinking of something a bit classier-if you could call Guys and Dolls classy. Based on "Sit down, you're rocking the boat." Trying to get the verses, the chorus is OK. And thinking that "Singing in the rain" has potential. But we still haven't escaped Disney yet! I'm also planning "A VR world" from "A whole new world" in Aladdin. I still need to grow up. sighs

Cool! A Knightmare/Friends crossover...think of the possibilities! In these cold January nights, here's a filk of a Summer hit that's been number 1 twice, the first in 1975, with Typically Tropical, and the second with rewritten lyrics in 1999, with the Vengaboys. This is based on the Vengaboys version - a group of friends learn that they've succesfully applied to be on Knightmare, so make the long journey towards Knightmare Castle. Original lyrics here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/vengaboys/weregoingtoibiza.html . *"Hello, Knightmare teammates! This is Smirkenoff speaking, Welcome aboard Smirky Airways. After take off, hang onto those clipboards, 'Cause we're going to the dungeon!" We don't wanna be plain watchers, All our lives, We're gonna pack our bags and leave this world, Grab a flight, Fly away, on Smirky Airways, Fly us high, To Knightmare sky... We turn on the TV, And we watch Knightmare, We see these losing quests, And we see their hopes go down the drain, Fly away, on Smirky Airways, Fly us high, To Knightmare sky... Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! Off to the castle! Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! We're gonna win the shield! Woah! And appear on CITV! Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Far away from our big world, Such a din, It's really very nice to be, Here to win, Fly away, on Smirky Airways, Fly us high, To Knightmare sky... Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! Off to the castle! Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! We're gonna win the shield! Woah! And appear on CITV! Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, Ioh ioh, oh we oh, "Thank you for flying Smirky Airways, We are now approaching the Knightmare Castle. As you can see, it's 4:40, And Treguard is waiting for you!" Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! Off to the castle! Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! We're gonna win the shield! Woah! And appear on CITV! Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! Off to the castle! Woah! We're going to the dungeon! Woah! We're gonna win the shield! Woah! And appear on CITV!*

Thanks for the positive feedback above. I'm glad people are enjoying my contributions. Continuing the TV theme theme, if they based the Knightmare theme on the Friends theme (after all, a dungeoneer's best friend is - or should be - his advisor)... So no one said the quest was gonna be this way You lost your gold, you're cold, it all looks blue today It's like you're always stuck on Level Two But when you have no help from scrolls, from elves, from spells, and haven't a clue, then I'll beware for you When the blocks start to fall I'll beware for you When a face fills the wall I'll beware for you Are you scared for me too?

If they'd based the Knightmare theme on the DuckTales theme... Official recording of full song Don't watch Tony Hart and Morph Switch to Dunshelm Mine-carts, ogres, Smirkenorff It will overwhelm Might solve a mystery, while feet get blistery Dunshelm! (a - whooh ooh) Each Friday they're out there having Funshelm (a - whooh ooh) Helms to wear when all is said and Dunshelm An antechamber (Treguard's resting) Enter stranger (Now there's questing) What to do? Just tune into some Dunshelm (a - whooh ooh) Each Friday they're out there having Funshelm (a - whooh ooh) Helms to wear when all is said and Dunshelm (a-whooh ooh) Not steersman's helm or soldier's helm, no - Dunshelm! (a - whooh ooh!)

Fantastic! I remember singing that in Primary School! An idea for Wall Aid 12, methinks!

Nice! I was going to rhyme "Drassil" with castle but the rest of the sentence wouldn't go. Rest of the song I did earlier: Time for drinking and singing People questing all day long Time for lootings And exchanging gold bars Time for looking through the glass We're gonna have a quest tonight I'm gonna find that girl underneath the helm We'll win by firelight Room is swaying, contestants playing All the challenges, in good time Block and tackle, play your cards right Until the time out bells will chime I'll put the whole thing together soon. And a last Christmas offering from me: Just hear that Elita yapping Snap, snap snapping too Come on, it's lovely weather For a dragon ride to level two Outside the snow is falling Advisors are calling "Get on" Come on, it's lovely weather And with a firestone swapping, we're gone Smirkenorff, Smirkenorff, Smirkenorff let's go We're stars of the show We're riding and I know I can't let go Smirkenorff, Smirkenorff, Smirkenorff it's fine Just sat on your spine We're gliding along and the view is simply divine I'm getting a little nosy and comfy cosy am I I want to ask you if you would like to go further to fly Let's take the road before us and forget about level two Come on, it's lovely weather for a nice flight together with you My advisors can't believe it, neither can Treguard It'll be the perfect ending though our plans were marred We'll be singing the songs we love to sing heard from every treetop Quest is over, my friends the adventure must stop (ADVISORS: Stop! Stop! Stop!) There's a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy When we get the saddle and we together shall fly A shame we loved it so much we forgot about Level Two But Smirky, I still enjoyed that beautiful dragon ride with you

From the threesome that brought you 'All I Want is Knightmare to View' (me, Darren, and Mashibinbin) comes this second offering. Don't be disappointed if we didn't mention you...if we mentioned every member, it'd be huge! Original lyrics here: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wham/lastchristmas.html *Last chat night, Mashi did a fart, Was so massive they say, it blew them away, This year, To stop all the tears, He'll give everyone a gas mask... Last chat night, In came our Kieran, Did a Treguard role-play, Then left straight away (then left straight away), This year, To save all the scares, We'll phone up that Hugo Myatt... I'm Bexsie, I love Caei, I keep on trying, But all she wants is pie! Tell me baby, Have you cheated on me? Well, Its been an hour, It doesn't surprise me... I'm Billy...I rap it and I pun it, Love that show known as "Doctor Who" Don't spoil it, Now I know what a year it's been, And now it's 8pm, so shall we all play a game? A chatting room, Friend with alert eyes We're all here for you And your sort of pies Never mind whats on where Something for chatting on Me? I'm so glad I've decided to log on A face on a cover with a grin on his face, Darren's without fear but he has got a heart, Ooooh-hoo, now he is the co-owner you had better watch out! Last chat night, Pooka got a fright, Because what he just saw, Sent him out the door, This time, To save the aggro, Chloe'll have to take it slow... Last chat night, things really got hot, Jobe and Cypher they fought, O'er Caei the bot, Next time, To save all the screws, We'll cage 'em and grab the padlocks... A place like no other, 7pm it starts, Just be very careful and watch out, Mashi farts! Maybe, next year, you'll come through the chat door, and be our new Knightmare chatter!*