Based on the Backstreet Boys song I Want It That Way (1999). Official video I am a flier Who can breathe fire I came to Fridays 'Cause they blocked the wellways Pre me, were stairways and carts To reach deeper parts Now they say You can't use the wellway Tell me why Elita calls you faceache Tell me why Sly Hands is such a pissed flake Tell me why stone chutes became so passé They blocked the wellways I'm no descender A pre-weekender In green: goodbye, grey 'Cause there are no wellways Tell me why Elita calls you faceache Tell me why Sly Hands is such a pissed flake Tell me why stone chutes became so passé They blocked the wellways Come Series 8 and I'm sat on my arse Like the way the wyrms used to be No matter that Treguard treats me like a dog I'll taxi once more for thee Across the mire I'm flying higher I am, I am, I am, I am Smirky again today...

Based on Black Magic by Little Mix (2015). Official video and lyrics All the kids in the land at the dungeon door Saw the casting of spells and we wanted more Need a FREEZER for a catacombite? Want a LANTERN to make a wellway light? Here's the answer, come and spell it On a Knightmare quest As for Treguard: HEROES if you won Maybe UNITE for the late undone Mostly DISMISSing for five whole series And the teams egressed At the pealing of bells he'd be casting his spells, 'cause Treguard had his own magic quotient When teams' luck was too tough But eventually someone reckoned DISMISS was not enough So it changed to "Farewell" Watchers thought "What the hell Do you call that magic Do you call that magic" [x2] If you're looking for Mr. Knight Need that magic so you're not set alight Beat the mancer, that's what Ben did During Series 6 Head towards Level 3 for a spelling spree, and Take a trip on a secret ocean With Captain Nemanor Help him out and his WIND will send you Into the Mines of Gore Your choice of TRICK or TREAT And then SPLASH to defeat And it's called-out magic And it's called-out magic...

Do you think Peggatty's laughter is Tom Karol? I always think it sounds a lot like Mrs Grimwold. This is something I've wondered about too, and asked for Billy's opinion on via Beg Billy on the Interactive Knightmare website many years ago. I certainly think Peggatty's laughter was done by a man. If it was Tom Karol, I wonder if they'd had it on tape for three years, unused, or if it was newly recorded as an uncredited contribution. I'm not keen on the idea of Tom Karol being called back in just to record a little bit of audio, then sent on his way (even though we know that Tim Child did keep Tom in mind post-Series 3 and worked with him again on the TimeGate pilot in 2002). I do like the idea of Tim deciding to recycle Mrs. Grimwold's laugh for Peggatty, reminiscing about the Grimwolds and that being why Tim included references to the Grimwolds (including a son) in Series 6.

About the latter part of Series 7 Quest 7. Based on Under the Boardwalk by the Drifters (1964). Official audio Oh when the boot's put down and there's a Marta who's a spoof And in a room that was hot, you were kept safe by drinking Fireproof Lissard's with Hordriss, but he can't see Mountebanks are just like mages, fools to be Dungeons and Hordriss, once to be feared Dungeons and Hordriss, a formidable beard Dungeons and Hordriss, now he acts like a clot Dungeons and Hordriss, for the sake of plot Dungeons and Hordriss, Hordriss In the pub you hear the tavern maid sounding quite unreal And so it's time to help the top dog by spelling REVEAL Lissard's with Hordriss, now he can see So he shows your team a stairway to Level 3 Dungeons and Lord Fear, he's raising hell Dungeons and Lord Fear, listen in through a shell Dungeons and Lord Fear, sends a troll up a shaft Dungeons and Lord Fear, crushed again it's daft Dungeons and Lord Fear, Lord Fear...

Velda sings. Based on Overprotected by Britney Spears (2001). Official video I'll meet Simon... James... Scott... Julie... Kelly... Gavin... Martin... Series... Three - action! Say hello to the elf that I am You're going to have to deal with my directives If you are on a quest through Banburn, here I am And when I scream "Elvandis", you're protected If behemoths come my way Or there are goblins taking chances Then they will rue the day I will shoot, I will jab Not just casual glances What's she gonna do with her knife? You will find out, don't worry Should I take the left door or the right? You've just got to do it your way I can help when danger's real And my knife will keep the ogre deflected I'll tell them I don't like bearded men, 'cause I don't And Dunshelm has to deal with my invective Giving me a rose, well that will help, making me more well-disposed Like freeing me When incarcerated If behemoths come my way Or there are goblins taking chances Then they will rue the day I will shoot, I will jab Not just casual glances What's she gonna do with her knife? You will find out, don't worry Should I take the left door or the right? You just got to do it your way I can help when danger's real And my knife will keep the ogre deflected...

I'm hooked on this now! I hope they make new episodes!

Based on HYPNOTIZE by XG (2026). Official video Hey, you're questing from what you can't escape No wellway can get you out of your losing state this day I watch and criticise Your bad advice You could feel more wise If you'd got it right, no ill advising Woah, woah, woah, ill advising Woah, woah, now you've died from your own advice 'Cause every time a team screws up like this There's a little spell I cast: DISMISS I say you lost lost lost Through ill advising And you give a wave and walk walk walk away With a scroll you're homeward bound Four who rolled the dice But they lost through bad advice You begin a quest to be a knight A knapack to feed your life force sprite For the watchers of illusion Your commands may cause confusion If you're not too deft Then your right is muddled with your left And then you have a dungeoneer who's wrongly stepped You were not adept, my goodbye is prepped I watch and criticise Your bad advice You could feel more wise If you'd got it right, no ill advising Woah, woah, woah, ill advising Woah, woah, now you've died from your own advice 'Cause every time a team screws up like this There's a little spell I cast: DISMISS I say you lost lost lost Through ill advising And you give a wave and walk walk walk away With a scroll you're homeward bound Four who rolled the dice But they lost through bad advice When you're falling deep, what do you see? Not Level Three Curve of your learning's steep You're back at school Teams saying "Where am I?" "You're in a room" Might need more keen minds to stay clear of doom Now they're playing my game, if they lose then I shame them Victims of their own bad advice...

Marking the 40th anniversary this year of the first Knightmare pilot. Based on Manchild by Sabrina Carpenter (2025). Official video An idea was awoken By the electronic Could adventure gaming On TV be iconic? You found an illustrator David Rowe got started You cast a dungeon master Treguard, that's what you'll call him Blue screen With grids in So Make players... sightless And there's computer life force in, I know Tim Child What you made, it is so stunning to me Luck was rife With your filming at Anglia TV Innovation and flair You turned into Knightmare Tim Child What you made, it is so stunning Elevating children's TV From the Spaceward great things come With traps and threats to overcome And teatime scares at maximum We knew it was the one Tim Child What you made, it is so stunning to me Luck was rife With your filming at Anglia TV Innovation and flair You turned into Knightmare Tim Child What you made, it is so stunning Elevating children's TV Oh you made a series we can't forget Sixty-nine quests, it was magnificent And your Broadsword was might-ier than your pen Right there Knightmare...

Merlin reflects on the emergence of his alter ego Mogdred in Series 2. Based on I'm Going Slightly Mad by Queen (1991). Official lyric video When the count of episodes rises And we've double the dungeoneers A pale and more clean-shaven side of me Appears on Levels 3 and 2, oh dear Is he trying to tell you something? Dismissal's what he wants for you He says that he likes observing fear He's my dark side, I wish it wasn't true I'm going slightly bad I'm going slightly bad It finally happened, happened It finally happened, oh no It finally happened I'm slightly bad Oh dear Put Treguard under a mute spell Cast SHROUD, it was chilling His playpen put Tony in hell He wakes up dragons for killing He wants a pledge from believers Monks he pretends to be Miss Gretel he dared to kidnap To Chris he threatened puppetry Oh dear He's got a giant hand He's got a giant hand He's trying to grab you, grab you He's trying to grab you, oh yes One day technomancers Will steal his act Lord Fear He makes sure my every good deed'll Be balanced by one that's cruel He's striving to make me shut down a phase And send kids homeward for Yule...

Chris was very brave considering the hand he was dealt.

Dungeoneer Richard from Series 8 Team 1 sings about his quest. Based on Jealous Type by Doja Cat (2025). Official video, original lyrics Oh, let me know if this is feckless, I Have to choose between four objects and just can't decide Which two I should be taking from the scroll's advice Maybe I'll regret not picking up Stiletta's knife It's Stiletta's knife The clue room Can condemn you to a new doom When the scroll says 'green', the clue is To look for where that hue is Got past balls of fire I did not wait in that lane But my quest's not fine It's dyin' Oh, let me know if this is feckless, I Have to choose between four objects and just can't decide Which two I should be taking from the scroll's advice Maybe I'll regret not picking up Stiletta's knife It's Stiletta's knife Joanne Heywood, I met Joanne Heywood Joanne Heywood, then I met Paul Valentine Joanne Heywood, I met Joanne Heywood Joanne Heywood, then I met Paul Valentine I said, "I wanna get to Level Two" I'm gonna need a trapdoor and a code today Had a bottle full of pigeon poo I unstopper, throw it onto the statue, it comes to life All it took to bring back Motley And he said "Chlistmas" when he started up And if we'd got 'Green for a girl' like we should've done I wouldn't be locked in, meeting Bhal-Shebah, ha No dungeoneer wants to be cooked alive for leaving a blade Because a basic hint caused too much debate I took the key instead and later we paid I got flambéed...

Ariadne sings a song based on Tears by Sabrina Carpenter (2025). Official video; original lyrics (Shelob-esque) I make webs down on Level 2 Being an octuple-legg'd beast Fleeing me's what you're supposed to do Or you'll be deceased A gargantuan tarantula's not the best part of your day Maybe you should leave quickly, I'll come and eat you eat you eat you up For Jamie the automatum, it came before me in gameplay And Gretel the maid's so whiny, I Don't like her I make webs down on Level 2 Being an arachnid is cool Freezing me: magic will get you through Cast RUN or you're through The strands of my web are sticky, a girl called Nicky stuck around Gundrada was an arachnophobe; Motley's oh so oh so oh so cruel The astrolabe that came later, I'm like, "Why I have got this thing?" Bringing me back for Geek Week, well I'm like, "Is that me?" I make webs, starting Series 2 Somehow they materialise Flee now or I'll make a ghost of you Fear my many eyes I make webs down on Level 2 Being an octuple-legg'd beast Fleeing me's what you're supposed to do Or you'll be deceased (Bone break...)

After Grimwold the ogre bit one of Festus's heads off, the head became (what else?) a skull haunting. It then had a failed relationship with another skull haunting — and sang this song to the tune of The Subway by Chappell Roan (released in 2025). Official video, original lyrics I saw your green glow Mandible next to your mouth There at the wellway I nearly had a breakdown Half a phase later Saw you in the Mills of Doom And it so chilled me I had to leave the room I wish the only way, it wasn't onward When's it onward, it's never onward It's such a lonely way, this moving onward Moving onward, I've not moved onward 'Til I don't look for you in the bare caves Or wish you thought that we were still ghoulmates But I'm still coldly floating through this phase 'Til you're just another skull at the wellway Ate Grimwold's dinner He went and bit my head off I see my stump and My other heads and Mrs. G scoff I made a promise If in four quests my mood's further south Well, damn this dungeon I'm going through the serpent's mouth I wish the only way, it wasn't onward When's it onward, it's never onward It's such a lonely way, this moving onward Moving onward, I've not moved onward 'Til I can steal the scene during gameplay And have a good refresh rate each Friday But I'm still coldly floating through this phase 'Til you're just another skull at the wellway You've lit, you've lit the way You've lit the way, you've lit the way And you flit, you flit away You flit away, you flit away...

About Series 3 Quest 3, to the tune of Lucky by Britney Spears (2000). By a happy coincidence, this team encountered spears. Official audio, Original lyrics This is a story about a boy named Simon "Enter, stranger", he fades in Then Mark, Deborah and Claire It's time for knapsack, helmet on And later into Kaa's lair We go, "Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy?" And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting He'd met Mr. Grimwold and his wife And few dungeoneers had that plight He passed Golgarach, fled a bomb And he had an ogre on his tail And while dungeoneering, nearly got a spearing But tell me, what led his team to fail? We go, "Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy?" And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting Gifted with invisibility Went down but not to Level 3 "Series 3, and the winner is... no one!" "I'm Rhark the Goblin for the Opposition, skulking inside the caves waiting for Simon..." "...Where is he?" Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy? He is so plucky, but why can't he fly? Encountered Mr. Grimwold and his wife Velda saved him some strife And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting He met Mr. Grimwold and his wife And few dungeoneers had that plight Tried to be plucky But he die-die-died when he went too far, DISMISS Farewell Simon, on with Series 3 'Til Leo dies similarly

I love this!!

Thank you to fellow forum member Snowcat (Andrew) for finding this: a restored clip from the 1934 Popeye cartoon Can You Take It showing a blindfolded Popeye tackling an obstacle course that includes circular saws. Instagram post, Facebook post

According to a recent social media post from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 'If you have 'vim,' there's a 99% chance you also have 'vigor.'' Not on Knightmare!

A goblin auditions. Based on The Giver by Chappell Roan (2025). Official video; Original lyrics Ain't got brains and ain't got brawn But I've got a goblin horn That I blow on the hunt for a Friday bite And I'll track kids down any path From dwarvish tunnels to Dungarth As agile as an underfed cat So Skarkill When you need a quest done You can call me, Skarkill 'Cause you won't wanna smell me But I'll elev-ate ya And none will overtake ya, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa If you have to wash me, it's sewers not a river Ain't no cavernwight critter The dungeoneer's done From Banburn to Dunn Hey I don't need arachnid struts Or mechanics in my guts 'Cause how I look is how I hunt And in the Dungeon of Deceit Good luck finding a goblin who can beat An elfstone's lure all Friday long So Skarkill Start your squad off with one Hire me, Skarkill 'Cause I don't laze at wellways Moving's in my nature So tame me like a tamer, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa Don't need much to feed me, just dung and human liver Ain't no greedy Fatilla I'm nobody's hun Though clubbing is fun The dungeoneer's done 'Cause you don't need to tempt me I'm not here to date ya Don't treat me like a talker, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa I've evaded Gwendoline, while she exhausts her quiver There's no faerie that's fitter I'm second to none From Three up to One Good hygiene I shun The quests are undone Oh and Rhark's my plus-one So man, will I do? You're lovely

A song about Natasha Pope's deadliest character in Series 3. Based on She's A Star by James (1997). Lyrics, Official audio Whenever she's feeling elvish She's Velda and battle cries she roars From Kelly she took a rose n' Martin's the last dungeoneer she saw Golgarach does all the odd quests Says "Falsehood" if he finds you a fool In even quests we get Brangwen She fills up a wall But oh, she plays someone else far more dark Someone whose bite is much worse than her bark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's been in Arthurian legend She's moved to the Lower Catacombs At home on the lowest level Under Level 2 Oh Ross, she knows where to wait in the dark Oh Martin, she's so much worse than the shark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna Don't think you'll defeat her Without some magic from a wyrm Be scared when you meet her She'll make you squirm She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna It's a long path Better not pause Axe or lightning It's a long fall Ooh nasty Ooh nasty She's Morghanna

Based on Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin (1999). From the point of view of someone who isn't keen on a certain Knightmare character. Official video, original lyrics She's in instead of Pickle Like a piranha shoal I'm not entranced or tickled Bulstrode is the lesser troll She's into irritation Complaints in the firelight She's got a predilection For showing Treguard spite She'll treat you with derision When you're trying to explain She'll take your dignity and staff And unleash a realm of pain Series 7 down the drain (Bog off) Upside, inside out She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She'll push and pull you down Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er No wonder Motley fled She's beyond the help of a joker She will piss you off Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er I s'pose she thinks it's witty Giving Crusades veterans hell And yet she treats every team with pity She thinks they all need a seeing spell She disses Hordriss' daughter From her barbs she won't refrain And if I knew who sent her here I would formally complain Oh no here she goes again (Bog off)...