Musical Parody

This isn't crap, Annie. It's a hell of a lot better than my 'August Day' song, that's for sure.

A long long time ago I can still remember how that Knightmare used to make me smile... I was listening to American Pie (one of my all-time favourite songs) on the radio and thinking there should be a KM parody of it, forgetting David had written one already. I've just re-read it and I really must congratulate you on its brilliance, far better than anything I could have come up with! Just a shame you didn't include all six verses!

Ah you won't get too far if you have no ice pack-ack-ack-ack-ak-Akash Lmaoooooo, inspired! I agree that's awesome!

The song is based off of the Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show: It’s astounding, life force fleeting, Directions take their toll, Now listen closely, not for very much longer, Simon, sidestep to your left! I remember seeing him sidestep, Taking one step too far left, It was one small direction, the last for poor Simon, Let’s do the sidesteps again. Let’s do the sidesteps again. It’s just a step to the left, No it’s a step to the right, Simon fell into the pit, Turned out the dungeon’s light, Cos’ it’s the left and right, That really drives you insane, Let’s do the sidesteps again! These guys were dreaming, couldn’t hope to be champions, He couldn’t see the pit, not at all, In another dimension, with a heroic intention, But well secluded, the sword did lie, Couldn’t hope to retrieve it, Without knowing directions, It’s location was completely idiot proof, Now the team all hate Andrew, as he tried to give his view, Let’s do the sidesteps again...

Here's a funny idea. What if all of Lord Fear's advisors got together and sang 'It's the Hard Knock Life'. As some dungeoneers would say, "I challenge"! I want to see if anyone can come up with some lyrics for that. I would myself but I'm not an expert at composing so I'm stumped.

I bet you nearly no one on this forum will have heard of Turnabout Musical. But anyways, these are the lyrics to the Knightmare version of August Day. If you've never heard August Day then watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMdP_LfwvHk&feature=related PICKLE: [spoken] ...9:20...9:20!? Man, OK pull yourself together! I'm coming, Master! [sung] Forty minutes 'til the season starts And I'm half an hour away. I've got the shakes, my body aches, and my hair's in disarray... But I stayed up all night reading the rules, And that’s what I shall obey! I'm secure and I'm sure I'll endure on this August Day! Today's the day! I'll need to prove I'm the best, And the dungeon’s watching my inaugural test... But am I truly prepared? If pressed, I'd confess I'm a bit stressed and scared. Can I aid Treguard’s big fight… with my might? I'll try and if I don't cry, then I'll do alright! I can hope and dream and pray That we’ll win on this August Day! Fifteen minutes left to go, I'm runnin' short on time. My head is spinnin', intent on winnin', I'm sweatin' like a swine. I have to help the people here -- I know where I belong! The unity of our community will stay strong! BROTHER MACE: See that elf running like he's in some race? GUNDRADA: Blondie-haired jerk! He almost ran through me! BROTHER MACE: He’ll get on the nerve of Lord Fear’s case. GUNDRADA: Should be chopped up by me! MOTLEY: Today's the day, I’ll tell a joke without fail! MELLISANDRE: You won't need to borrow joke books, from lowlifes in jail. MOTLEY: [spoken] That's right! FIDGIT: [sung] Ten minutes left 'til class starts... bleh! SIDRISS: So let's battle now for these Sorcerer’s cards! '[simultaneous] PICKLE: Stand tall and face all your fears, One by one. Don't get too rattled, Your battle has just begun. All my knowledge up on display, I'll fight on this bright August Day.' '[at the same time] SIDRISS/FIDGIT: [spoken] Paper, rock, scissors, GO! SIDRISS: Scissors beats paper. FIDGIT: No! Two outta three, let's try again And this time there's no way I won't win! FATILLA THE HUN: Lookie here, a little foe. I’ll blip and blop you for your dough! Another day, another buck, Another loser outta luck. MOTLEY: Melly... MELLISANDRE: Yes? MOTLEY: I gotta say there's somethin' on my mind... MELLISANDRE: Well, what? MOTLEY: Um, I mean, you look nice today... MELLISANDRE: Thanks, how kind! Well on that note, I've got something That I'D like to confess... MOTLEY: Yeah? MELLISANDRE: This new dress was a present from my boyfriend -- He's the best! MOTLEY: Aww...' PICKLE/CROWD: [sung] So will this young elf take flight...? PICKLE: ...off the ground? I'll soar with glory, My story will be renowned! PICKLE/CROWD: Now let's get the season underway! PICKLE: My awesome premiere... SIDRISS: Last time! FIDGIT: Yup. PICKLE: I will persevere... SIDRISS/FIDGIT: One, two, three, GO! PICKLE: I'm here on this clear... PICKLE/CROWD: August Day! TREGUARD: [spoken] Pickle, you're late again!

Hahaha - a great song and a brilliant parody! Nice one David.

Official video, by REO Speedwagon I can't fight this peeling any longer The epidermis frayed, the bone on show What started out as peckish has grown stronger I need a fish or cheese or else my team'll go I tell myself that I can complete the level I say, "the clock might slow down or delay" The Dungeon I implore for just a lentil To stop my malnutrition, so the eyes don't roll away And even as I wander, I'm keeping up the sprite Got a handle on my Life Force and I try to grab a bite But now I'm so hungry that soon it'll be "good night" And I can't fight this peeling anymore And I bet that face is looking very sore I know just what the Life Force has in store: A dislocated jaw Forever 'Cause I can't fight this peeling anymore All I need's a raisin or an apple core I'd even eat a crust straight off the floor A rice grain I'd adore Or else I can't fight this peeling anymore My life has been such a challenge since I got here With a Viking hat encircling my head And it always seems that you're wallowing, Hugo At the flaking of the faces To the bone, into the red And even as I wander, I'm keeping up the sprite Got a handle on my Life Force and I try to grab a bite But now I'm so hungry that soon it'll be "good night"...

Official video Eerie liaison, eerie liaison, eerie It wasn't hard to beat Sylvester Hands Nor to dispel the Samurai My three advisors are the best of bands From blocker to Medusa eye I had a scroll, it held my melodies And I met thingy, whatshername But of my many dungeoneering deeds In one I found The Weirder Game Eerie liaison on the road that I must travel Eerie liaison, first name's Mark and surname's Knight Eerie liaison, Lord Fear as Hordriss as Harris Eerie liaison with no Genoese delight We were but young but we were growing bold And though this old man seemed unknown It doesn't matter just who took our gold Because I didn't turn to stone Eerie liaison on the rocky second level Eerie liaison, first name's Mark and surname's Knight Eerie liaison but oh we'll always have Harris Eerie liaison: box of Heggatty's delight

Thank you for your generous compliments at the top of this page, Annie, and for taking this thread into its ninth year. Another parody of Perfect Day. Official audio Just a perfect quest Drank poison-turned-opposite And then there was a Merlin bit He cast HOME Just a perfect quest Fooled Gumboil on Level 2 Then later, duped Olaf too With no stone Oh it's such a perfect quest Dungeon defeated by you Oh such a perfect quest You kept dungeoneering on You passed ghoul, troll, skeletron Just a perfect quest Crazy hats on a ship Lord Fear sent for a dip It's much fun Just a perfect quest Sphinx bone via cavern elf For magic from someone else Some old dog Oh it's such a perfect quest Thirty-two, you made it through Oh such a perfect quest You kept dungeoneering on And from Barry, sunlight shone You're going deep, questing below Victory's not cheap, that you will show You are no sheep, onwards you go Your fame will keep, that much I know Video: Milkshake by Kelis [Merlin:] My magic brings all the boys to the throne And they're like It betters Life Force Darn right it betters Life Force I got VIM or ENERGY or ERG ...I have resisited the urge to finish this one. Over to Harry for another take. This one is based on Somethin' Stupid, famously sung by Frank and Nancy Sinatra. Official audio [Team to Treguard:] We know we stand in wait until you think it is our fate To come on Knightmare with you And when we go below to quest, we know that it's a test And will be quite scary too And even if we drop into a dire little hole we would take pride you see Until you go and spoil it all by saying somethin' spiteful like "Ooh nasty" We can see it in your beard How much you feared that we'd be weird -er than the team before And even with the Helmet on We've still not gone as headgear-mad as Nemanor [Treguard replies:] I practise every day to find some clever lines to say That won't sound callous or snide But how poetic can I really be when I'm confronted with such infanticide? Your time is up, you're done, you're killed, you're dead, and I'm not fed up of informing thee So then I go and seal your fate by saying somethin' spiteful like "Ooh nasty"...

Parody of Hotel California by The Eagles. (I can't believe nobody's done this one before!) Original lyrics | Audio On a dark winter Friday Schoolchildren prepare Warm welcome, advisors Conjured out of thin air "Now the Helmet of Justice To stop you losing your mind" My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to go in there blind There I stood in the doorway I heard the dungeon rules And I was thinking to myself There could be dragons or there could be ghouls Then he turned to the portal And he showed me the way There were voices down the corridor I thought I heard them say... Welcome to the castle of confusion Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place) Such a LOVELY chase Plenty of doom at the castle of confusion Any time that Fear (Any time that Fear) Kills a dungeoneer His magic's evil and twisted He got the monsters he sends He got a lot of pretty spiffy toys So who needs friends How he laughs as the Dreadnorts Leave them all dead Some choose to dismember Some choose to behead So I called up the jester "Please help with the mine" He said: "We haven't used that method here Since 1989!" And still those voices are calling From far away When you're stuffed 'cos a riddle wasn't right You can hear them say... Welcome to the castle of confusion Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place) Such a LOVELY chase No winnin' the Cup at the castle of confusion What an awful price (What an awful price) For your bad advice Mogdred on the ceiling The entrance on the right And he said: "Now I hold you prisoner here With a catacombite!" And in the antechamber They're gathering their wits We jab it with a lady's glove But it just won't fall to bits Last thing I remember I was running for the door I had to find the passage back To the place I was before Alas, this is Knightmare They are programmed to attack You can check out any room you like But there's no turning back!

A certain Series 7 quest, set to Paul Simon's 'You Can Call Me Al' (lyrics, audio). Some bits are better than others, but I think it's as good as I'm ever going to get it. Why do I keep picking the hard songs?! A man walks down the path He says, Why have I stopped in the tunnel now? Who is this guy in the tunnel? The rest of my team must think hard I need a motto or aphorism I wanna spy on a henchman Don't wanna end up a failure Only yards from Treguard Phone digger, phone digger Flaws come to light Staff o' mage broken in four Mr Rothberry, Rothberry Gave this mace away to me, you know I don't sell the stuff I'm using any more If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen A man walks to a seat He says, Why don't I talk to a dragon? Got a short little chat with a dragon And whoa, my quest is so long Where am I, friends & family? What if I die here? Who'll be my spell teacher? Now that my spell teacher is gone, gone He ducked back down the tavern For some hokey-pokey with a serving girl All along, along, you were kissing an Atlantean Those are nasty allegations... If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen Call me Gwen... A man zooms down the path It's a path in a strange level Maybe it's the third level Maybe it's the wrong way around Doesn't seek the grandeur He chose the hammer, see Here is an older man He sees a troll come through the ground, the ground Battle in the starting place Panicking the awful genie He knocks it down, and down It goes plunging from the antechamber Pinning down the enemy Who says "Hey, men - help me you lot!" If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen Call me Na na na na, na na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na Na na na na, na-na na-na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na If you beat the playing cards... I can call you Barry... If you beat the playing cards... I can call you Barry...

As requested [http://www.knightmare.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=2737] Owl City's Fireflies get farted upon: You should not open your eyes, Leave it to those who advise, Creating your world as if you're asleep. They will describe what is there, And guide you everywhere, Some may be rude But you'll learn how to handle them. Have to have some self belief as you choose your way slowly Wanting to stray but keep away from the Dunswater deep 'Cause everything is never as it seems... You may get some funny looks From those wanting gold for books Show mercy on those you force to dance A Helmet above my head, An Eyeshield which helps me tread A Reach wand that isn't appealing instead? Have to have some self belief as you choose your way slowly Wanting to stray but keep away from the Dunswater deep 'Cause everything is never as it seems As tho you're asleep... Get to the next level and don't turn back (Tho you don't want to be here) You're doing so well, none of Merlin's steps do you lack (Journey's end is not far from here) Do not cross The Powers that Be (Keep on going you're nearly there) Tho the Oppositions taunts without mercy... You should not open your eyes, Leave it to those who advise, Creating your world as if you're asleep. But you know what you're questing for Several clue objects still in store Spells to cast if they're needed more Have to have some self belief as you choose your way slowly Wanting to stray but keep away from the Dunswater deep 'Cause everything is never as it seems As tho you're asleep... Have to have some self belief as you choose your way slowly Wanting to stray but keep away from the Dunswater deep 'Cause everything is never as it seems As tho you're asleep... Have to have some self belief as you choose your way slowly Wanting to stray but keep away from the Dunswater deep ...Because the glory is now yours to reap

On behalf of all the above, many thanks for all the praises and welcome to the song writing ranks! (now say that after a few goblets of goblin juice!)

Wow, David hasn't posted here for three days. Must be losing your touch, mate. If you actually want me to understand that remark, you may have to explain it to me. Still the case, I'm afraid. Original lyrics, Original song O, Ed Welch's theme music played And old Treguard lacked elven aid Because Pickle, he'd gone away No fae And from an open bottle came Worse than Gretel in a younger day Pushing the fans away (KM, ma-ma-ma....) (KM, ma-ma-ma, KM) Strife in a northern keep She rapped on the stony ground When he took the Staff of Light out And 28 kids came down To challenge He said "In Winter 1993 May questing bring Watchers glee Iona Kennedy But not Fidjit" (KM, ma-ma-ma....) (KM, ma-ma-ma, KM) Strife in a northern keep (KM, ma-ma-ma....) (KM, ma-ma-ma, KM) Dungeons not quite so deep The first six came and fled Watch the water hit Barry's head As we followed him down Through the sewers And though he never was due to win You could hear it written in his grin And the troll fell out of sight My my (KM, ma-ma-ma....) (KM, ma-ma-ma, KM) Life in a northern keep ... One year before its sleep...

Wow, David hasn't posted here for three days. Must be losing your touch, mate. If you actually want me to understand that remark, you may have to explain it to me. Bryan McNerney, a.k.a. The History Man, bumps into Natasha Pope. He soon recognises her: she acted alongside him on Knightmare, playing Velda the elf and the Brangwen Shee. But can he get her to recognise him? Official audio Doing some shopping at Asda I saw a woman, Natasha I smiled, our faces older from the decades Who did she play? No, it wasn't the maid Ah yes now: Brangwen and Velda She gave me a puzzled look as I beheld her Elf Shee, remember me We worked together on ITV I played Grimwold in Series 3 Elf Shee, I look at me Did some work for the BBC This won't scan: Bryan McNerney I took a dive in the fight scene With you and Simon on the bluescreen You used your blade on me and then that was that I cried 'cause you called me a tower of fat Elf Shee, remember me We growled and wailed on CITV But I'm a Man of History Elf Shee, I look at me Did quite well on the BBC This won't scan: Bryan McNerney Elf Shee They made a well into a war zone Dungeoneer Kelly had no crayon I roared, holding my club over her head There's no reality and no one dead and... Elf Shee, remember me We did the best show on kids' TV Although Tim did not credit me Elf Shee Elf Shee Elf Shee Elf Shee Elf Shee

Wow, David hasn't posted here for three days. Must be losing your touch, mate. Anyway, here's one of my rare contributions: a parody of Remedy by the gorgeous Little Boots. The lyrics are here among other places, and there's an extremely trippy video here. Some of the lines don't scan, but I think it'd work with a few overdubs. *I can see you talking to the dungeoneers You weren't here before I guess you're new to Knightmare for Series 6 Weren't in 5 or 4 'Cause you are beefing up the cast I wonder if you'll last? She was poisoned, trapped, bewitched and outwitted And her dress was refitted Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh Sidriss was confused, Hordriss was bemused His daughter was dim Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh Watchers watching her, playing the mage daughter Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh Watchers watching her, strangest new character Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh Give her respect, treat her as a queen That's what she wants from you She's difficult but you found the witch amber She'll give you the clue She always tried to neutralise But Fear told too many lies Opposition's not her true position Fear was her attrition Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh You'd better start paying or Greystagg's not playing She's the Witch Queen Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh Watchers watching her, arguing with Lord Fear Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh Watchers watching her, strangest new character Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh La la le da la de la Da da da da de da da And now the seasons change again Series 8 will be OK Character's haughty, wants to reign Maldame Make alliance, give her your compliance That's what Lord Fear tried once Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh Her calling name is Spite, but you'd better not try it Dragons? Whatever! Played by Iona Kennedy, Kennedy Oh Watchers watching her, from her high tower Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh Watchers watching her, strangest new character Iona Kennedy Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh* (repeat to fade)

A negative response to one of Series 8's innovations. Lyrics, video Oo-oo-oo-ooh, oo-oo-oo-ooh Naa-sty x2 Oo-oo-oo-ooh, oo-oo-oo-ooh A man reclines A rebel smile across his face As he decides To introduce a new race Left behind The foes we knew, insidious And we will find Another guard, amphibious Knightmare will change It may be great, maybe dire Part man part fish?! Why'd goblins have to retire? Here comes the Mireman To steal your Life Force Flan Here comes the Mireman He doesn't talk Not like the Hun, Dreadnort or Crow Just holds a big fork While he waddles to and fro Daniel got past Nathan and Michael did as well They got Rebecca though In spite of being slow as hell Knightmare will change It may be great, maybe dire Part man part fish?! Why'd goblins have to retire? Here comes the Mireman He should come in a can Here comes the Mireman Aa-aah Here comes the Mireman More slowly than a gran Can't beat him with a span- ner-er...

A plea to Treguard to continue receiving teams, based upon a 1980s song that's been slightly popular of late. Official audio of original Just a small brown bag, slung across a teenage back Of someone on Knightmare as a dungeoneer Just a small grey shield, there because the Helm won't yield To someone on Knightmare as a dungeoneer Advisors in a stony room That's come so far since Dungeon Doom For a while they can dare the site It has might and blight and plight and bite Strangers enter, waiting in the antechamber Will they know left from their right? Frightknights, pookas, lurking in a world of danger Watchers, hoping for a knight Watching what I loved and feared Treguard made me want a beard May he keep on having teams to quest Forevermore Some will win, some will lose None of them wears any blues Let the Knightmare never end But go on and on and on and on Strangers enter, waiting in the antechamb-er Will they know left from their right? Opposition down there in a world of danger Watchers, hoping for a knight Don't stop receivin' Bring another team in Knightmare, Treguard Don't stop the questin' Game on Dungeon, Knightmare Don't stop receivin' Bring another team in Knightmare, Treguard

... AWESOME.