Musical Parody

Another one about Barry... until Lord Fear decides it should be about him. Based on Tubthumping by Chumbawamba (1997). Video I'll be talking When I'm walking I'll be talking I get shut down But I speak up again I'm never gonna keep it down [x4] Ditching a quieter way Ditching a quieter way He drinks a Speedwell drink He drinks a Fireproof drink Rejects a Homer drink Gives out a Freezer drink He takes a potion to wind him backwards faster And the effect is ridiculously vaster Oh, Barry Thorne Barry Thorne Barry Thorne I get squashed down But I get up again I'm never gonna stop my frown [x4] Wishing the spies away Wishing the spies away He had a freezing plot He had a dragon plot He had a trolling plot He will surrender not He had a pool that he used to call his henchmen He had a spell to turn Lissard to a wench then Don't spy on me Goblin fodder...

This one is about Barry Thorne (Series 7 Quest 7) and a recurring aspect of his quest. Based on The Sun Goes Down (Living It Up) by Level 42 from 1983. Video Though I'm here on a quest time's not on my side It's so near series end I may be denied Just as long as my team keep me walking round I will look for the Shield 'til a troll falls down Drinking it up, drinking it up I can see it, is it another potion? Drinking it up, drinking it up Can't believe it, I've drunk half an ocean I don't wanna rest my jaw, I don't wanna rest my jaw I said I know what I want and I don't wanna rest my jaw Do you follow me? I met Romahna standing by a fort, she looked and fired, my time was short I said "I need the green staff piece, so that Grimaldine gets the lot" There is Hands and two goblins in front of me And a door at the back where I'd like to flee So I'm taking the potion that I had found It should make me go fast, but it slows them down Drinking it up, drinking it up I can see it, it is a Speedwell potion Drinking it up, drinking it up I can hear that they've gone in slow motion So I'm a-bagging a ride on a dragon I'm picking up a boot Know it's useful: I read a scroll which had a massive clue-ue Saw a potion, course I picked that up too And its name is Fireproof, so what else would it do? A "Revelanti" and farewell to Level Two The Thorne goes down Drinking it up, drinking it up Can't believe it, I've found three more potions Ooh one for Hands A little swig of Freezer seizes up the man in brown And I don't mind that the potion's not for me I'll drink the next one, leave behind Level Three Rewind at pace, we'll be together when the troll falls down The troll falls down Drinking it up, drinking it up In this series, there are seventeen potions Drinking it up, drinking it up I am shielded, in Fast Backwards motion

Based on All That She Wants by Ace of Base, released in the UK in 1993. Official video Sung from the point of view of a watcher with an exaggerated dislike of a particular character. Majida's loads of strife Majida's loads of strife When she woke up just after Pickle's flight Ere the game had re-begun She opened up her eyes and thought "I'll be annoying A bottle with a cork I will wait 'til Treguard comes Just dying for a chance to spoil his fun" She's going to get you All that she wants is to bother Treguard Hand on her jugular All that she wants is to bother Treguard, yeah All that she wants is to bother Treguard He'll go avuncular All that she wants is to bother Treguard, yeah Dungeoneers lack some sight, it's entirely right Their advisors are their eyes The genie's voice that talks to them, she won't support that She thinks they might not manage If all four of them can't see The hearts of men have daggers like her eyes She's going to get you All that she wants is another sight spell 'Cause it's too difficult All that she wants is another sight spell, yeah All that she wants is another sight spell 'Cause it's too difficult All that she wants is another sight spell, yeah...

A tribute to Olivia Newton-John. Based on Hopelessly Devoted To You from Grease, released as a single in 1978. Official audio The singer is dungeoneer Martin from Series 3 Team 11. This minecart's not the first cart broken On rides down into Level 3 But I could be, you know The first to win since Series 2 Above, I'm just a Toole who's willing To float around and shout out "Boo" But down here, I will flee When a hobgoblin's there in view I'm helplessly below Level 2 But now there's nowhere to hide A cat shoots from either side I'm quick or I'm dead Helplessly below Level 2 Helplessly below Level 2 Helplessly below Level 2 The dragon's saying, "Fool, do better" Morghanna's laughing as I go I step with bravery As that's what Merlin said to do I hope that means that I'm getting through But now the end comes along 'Cause I got a riddle wrong I'm zapped in the head Helplessly below Level 2 Helplessly below Level 2 Helplessly below Level 2

Thanks, Martin. Blockbuster has the kind of vocals that you can have fun with on karaoke.

Thank you very much! I will check out the other parodies

In interviews such as this one with Challenge, Hugo Myatt has talked about receiving guidance through his earpiece. That is the theme of this parody of Kate Bush's The Man with the Child in His Eyes (1978). I planned it before Stranger Things' recent boost to Kate Bush's popularity. He hears Tim, the master of the keep His focus on the questing team He reacts with flair When he hears the advice in his earpiece When a team goes off from the plan Treguard must do his improvising And suddenly he finds himself Listening to a man who is well known to him Telling him what he must say They reach "cut"; they have saved the day Ooh, he's here again The man with Tim Child in his ear Ooh, he's here again The man with Tim Child in his ear He's very understanding And he knows Knightmare: the halls, the incantations What watchers get is great Tim's always waiting, there if Hugo hesitates After eight series they took it off They said, "Knightmare, it can't last forever." Yet there they are again - Geek Week Wonderfully giving us another quest Daisy, she does her magic Hugo takes his seat with his lines from Tim Ooh, he's here again The man with Tim Child in his ear Ooh, he's here again The man with Tim Child in his ear

[A dungeoneer enters a clue room, and takes the food (a Vegemite sandwich) from the clue table. Suddenly a didgeridoo is heard, and an upside-down wall monster appears.] Wall Monster: G'day! I'm Wallaby of Ligend, and this is Dungeoneer Cell Block 1. 'Fraid I can't let you nick me tucker without asking you a few questions. So here's me first. With a little understanding, what can you find? Dungeoneer: The perfect blend. Wallaby: Streuth, accepted! Here's me second. Where is nixt door? Dungeoneer: Only a footstep away. Returning to this idea, and from one great '80s and '90s afterschool staple to another, this is a rewrite of Neighbours' original closing theme, as written by Tony Hatch and Jackie Trent and performed by Barry Crocker. Advisors, every team needs good advisors Fearing deadly scrapes and maulings Help from them will save the day Advisors need to know how to manoeuvre Wrecked floor is only a sidestep away Advisors, dungeoneers need good advisors First they're sitting, then they're standing Sibling, cousin or a friend Advisors should know when your spell's called SHOVEL Else your advisors will spell your end

Elita implores a dungeoneer to reach and vanquish the leader of the Opposition. Based on Get Here by Brenda Russell (released in 1988) but better known through Elita Oleta Adams' cover version (released in 1991). You can reach him by wellway You can use a WIND spell, OK? You can reach him by descender You can reach him via mines You can follow the Brollachan Cross the mire like a Mireman I don't care how you get there Just get Fear if you can You can reach him by rowing boat Find a trapdoor and drop or float Find a maid and climb down the rope She took in Series 4 Ask Sir Hugh if you can ride his steed Dodge the sawblades in a blaze of speed I don't care how you get there Just get Fear if you can There are skulls and goblins between you Also Hordriss the Confuser But if it goes Fear's way, surely you'll be a loser Make him the loser [x2] You can windsurf a sewer pipe Take us up on a dragon ride You can make it on a witch's broom But you'd better make it soon Come on, faceache, no dallying Use a portal like the elven kin I don't care how you get there Just get Fear if you can...

Based on Chaise Longue by Wet Leg (2021). Music video Treguard, Pickle, look at me I quested through and I'm on Level 3 All of my friends watch CBBC But I am cool and I'm on Level 3 I'm on Level 3 I'm on Level 3 On CITV Effects are cool: CGI, Chromakey Is your noggin shuttered? Would you like us to assign someone to shutter your noggin? Where am I? A room Where am I? A room Hey you over there Sat near Treguard with his mighty stare What are the clues you're writing down? You should call Hordriss to you now Watching Treguard, watching Treguard, watching Treguard Knightmare's hard, watching Treguard Watching Treguard, watching Treguard, watching Treguard Knightmare's hard, watching Treguard Is your brother worried? Would you like us to assign a skull to hurry your brother? Where am I? A room Where am I? A room Hey you sidestepping left There's no turning back now, on with your quest Because you've got a table in this dungeon room And plastic croissant that you can consume Watching Treguard, watching Treguard, watching Treguard Knightmare's hard, watching Treguard...

I enjoyed this one! I can really imagine Mogdred flouncing out of the dungeon singing it!

Dickon's quest (Series 4 Team 6), via a parody of Out Of Space by The Prodigy (1992). Music video The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension I've gone questing through The Old Place To find a Brother Mace [x2] I took tablets to change my size And told Fatilla lies [x2] I've freed jesters who ogres chase "A bit of a headcase" [x2] The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension There's loads of tension [x3] I've been lying to tavern maids And dodging spinning blades [x2] Crossed a bridge at a hurried pace Then zapped a giant face [x2] I drunk Opposite Poison down Then went and got the Crown [x2] The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension The Greater Game in the Dungeon Dimension There's loads of tension... [x2]

This is about one of the rooms in Series 3. Based on Waterloo by ABBA (1974). Official video with the original lyrics in the description. Within the water room a whole world of adventure Although you won't get wet Each quest proceeds in quite a different way A jester who's spooked by a snake A sword like that one in the lake Water room If you go fishing you'll catch a door Water room Sometimes it's drained and you see the floor Water room Maybe a sword will come after you Water room Careful of sharks or you'll meet your doom Wa wa wa wa water room Dungeoneers facing the water room If you can't see the exit, fish out or expose it If there's a threat then you should give a warning and/or get away The shark music brings deja vu Let's hope that John Williams won't sue [Chorus] And purple is not just for baths Next year there'll be loads in Dungarth...

This is about the final quest of Series 3. Based on Satellite by The Hooters (1987). Music video Rush, Chris and Treguard, 'cause time you lack Let's start the quest and no turning back There's Hordriss, he's a man in need He will help you through with a spell called SPEED So go to the throne room, pretend to swim Merlin will come (but he won't cast VIM) And if you get two questions right Merlin's gonna give you a spell called FLIGHT Go to the cauldron and add the herbs Then some skulls will be disturbed Make it to the wellway room And drop down to the Mills of Doom So go to the throne room, pretend to swim Merlin will come (but he won't cast VIM) And if you get two questions right Merlin's gonna give you a spell called FLIGHT Another clue room; your time has come UNITE - you're back with everyone They cut your quest but that's OK At least it's not for Christmas Day So Christopher, Alex and James and Tim Sorry your quest had to have a trim And though you cast your SPEED alright You had to fly without using FLIGHT...

Based on land of Make Believe by Bucks Fizz (1981). Video (with original lyrics in the description) Helm on your head, dungeoneer Where do you bring your team? To a place we all know The Dungeon of Deceit Mogdred looming in the corner Ghostly face insisting, "Will you come and pledge?" Not for all of Treguard's beard hair All the bars of gold in Knightmare Never, never ever There's something after you, quick Quest like the best Don't get stressed To the right door once again Being chased, Vale of Ban- -burn, there's goblins and quicksand In the Dungeon of Deceit Some walls have a clue room guardian Waiting patiently 'til you have had the food Score is low: will reprimand you Score is high: say "I command you" Wellway, find the wellway To get into Level 2, now Quest like the best Don't get stressed To the right door once again Being chased, Vale of Ban- -burn, behemoth and quicksand In the Dungeon of Deceit And time is turning, no knight today The fire's burning, for Friday Into the blue, you can fly On a Smirky in the sky Dodging blades either side Or perhaps a minecart ride In the Dungeon of Deceit Quest like the best Don't get stressed To the right door once again Being chased, Vale of Ban- -burn, an ogre and quicksand In the Dungeon of Deceit I've got a show I watch with tea It's Knightmare on CITV In '94, it had to go Will it return? You never know

This is based on Yazoo's 1982 single Only You. If you prefer the Flying Pickets' version, you may want to picture it being sung by an a cappella group consisting of Treguard, Olgarth, Gumboil, Gibbet, Bumptious and of course Cedric. Landing from a wellway above They try to pilfer my grub But I've got 'em Dungeoneers can't get away When I've got riddles to say To dogsbottoms I'm the maddest monk in Christendom Don't do Level Three or Level One And all I ever knew: Level Two Sometimes if they say I'm the best I go with them on their quest Though it's some toil Toadodiles and spiders: I stop But I'm delighted to bop Blokes like Gumboil I'm the maddest monk in Christendom Don't do Level Three or Level One And all I ever knew: Level Two [x2] Like to have a jab and a laugh Me and my quarterstaff That above all Better not say "stalactite" Because it's you I will smite Where was your SHOVEL? I'm the maddest monk in Christendom Don't do Level Three or Level One And all I ever knew: Level Two

Based on Alanis Morissette's 1996 single Ironic. Video Series 4 Team number 8 They were on Level 3 Then - WHY? - Christmas Day It's a red wyrm on your evil lair It's a guessed wrong password: "Red, green, blue and grey" And isn't it iconic? Don't you think? It's like blades in your corridor A free gem even though you're done for It's the bad advice to step left through the floor And who would've thought... it's fiction Alan (Series 6) had some friends from school Who kept telling him he wasn't going to fall He made it through Level 2, he'd done alright And as the causeway broke, he thought: well isn't this nice? And isn't it ironic? Don't you think? It's like blades in your corridor A free gem even though you're done for It's the bad advice to step left through the floor And who would've thought... it's fiction The life of a dungeoneer Is speaking up often when you go anywhere that's new and questioning "Where am I?" And life force can run away If you don't have food then you see everything's gone red and everything floats off from your face A SHOVEL spell that you think is a spade Or a joke you tell of bad money (it's fake) It's like needing the horn when what you take is the knife It's meeting an ogre who screams And then meeting his beautiful wife And isn't it a tonic? Don't you think? Is it a watcher's tonic? Oh yeah, I really do think It's like blades in your corridor A free gem even though you're done for It's the bad advice to step left through the floor And who would've thought... it's fiction And yeah the life of a dungeoneer is speaking in a room Treguard has got a magic way of sending you out Sending you out

Hahahaha! Someone should record this one too!

Such a nice surprise to see a new song parody contributor. You've done an excellent job too, keeping neither too little nor too much of the original lyrics and rhymes. I especially like your third verse and the second line of your chorus.

Treguard addresses Team 11 of Series 3 and ends up displaying foreknowledge of Series 4. Based on the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opening theme. Audio Team your dungeoneer was hurtling Level 2 done, that's for certain Feed your life force or it's curtains Martin in a minecart Hurtle power Met the realm's least fearsome swimming shark (got out the bath) Picked one pineapple spinning in the dark (then chose a path) You won't see Mogdred in this quest But other foes will give you no rest Welcome watchers of illusion To the castle of confusion Skull near-caught you, drove you to the door (and a catacombite) Mellisandre pleads, you help Motley using CURE (that's from Merlin) With no spell from Owen's room (dragon magic) Martin, Darren, Lee, Jamie: you're all doomed (ooh nasty) Once more no one wins the chalice That's Morghanna, dark and callous She will give her dress to Malice Series in a daft shade Purple power