Knightmare adverts
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As we dont know what Festus looks like maybe Mrs G would be better in the advert.
Ooh, that does sound nice, dearie. I've been looking for some new TV work since about 1989. Do tell me more.
I can just see the advert now with Mrs G shouting SHUT UP FESTUS all the way through it as she held up different flavoured tins.
Oooh, I think I could remember my lines without too much bother then, dearie.
The saying at the end could be, 8 out of 10 dirty old bit.ches said thier dog preffered it.
Hey, that's harassment, that is. I'm calling the Wolfenden Constabulary. You'd better start running now, dearie. They'll have cordons up at the exits to Level One within the hour.
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How about:
Fightknights for an electric can opener device
Lilyth for hosting the new series of the weakest link:
"Ann Robinson you are the weakest link, nice of you to drop by" podium crumbles into a hole
Morgdred for wizardly evil Keep fit instruction "Welcome to Morgdreds keep fit play pens.. play forever..."
Last but not least, the Dragon for BA adverts
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There's a chance this kind of topic might have already been done but I couldn't remember:
So who would be good at advertising what?
I'll try and start off on something-
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Lord Fear and eyeshadow. Possible slogan: "I'm gonna MAKE you buy this if its THE LAST THING I DO!"
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Motley: car insurance
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Greystagg: Herbal essence?
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Pickle: strictly come dancing
There must be plenty of others
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Mrs Grimwold and Festus advertising dog food
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Is anyone familiar with the Victor Kayam TV advert for Remmington shavers? Appearing in the ad, he says 'Hi, I'm Victor Kayam...'; he then talks about the shaver; and that's followed by the remark '...I liked it so much, I bought the company!'
How about Treguard appearing in an ad for Knightmare, saying something parodic like: 'Hi. I'm the victor of KM. I conquered the Dungeon many years ago; and I liked it so much, I bought the castle! I invite you to come and take up the challenge... even if you're not old enough to shave.'
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You could have Hugo Myatt enter one of those orange conference-style adverts. Hugo could be stating his interest in making a knightmare film where Lord Fear and him battle in a one-on-one fight.
Hugo starts talking, but is quickly interrupted:
"Its starts off when I pick up a dungeon spyglass..."
One of the guys from the executive Orange team interrupts with:
"who needs spyglasses now when you have mobile phones- you could phone him, or leave him a message on his voicemail!"
Hugo starts to worry:
"But you won't get a signal in the dungeon!"
Orange man:
"You don't have to set it in a dungeon- why not a city"
Another Orange man:
"Yeah the film could be renamed industrial knightmare!"
Rest of Orange team agree but Treguard walks off in a huff and bangs his head on the doorframe on his way out.
Orange man in background: "Oooooooh, that IS nasty"
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You could have Hugo Myatt enter one of those orange conference-style adverts. Hugo could be stating his interest in making a knightmare film where Lord Fear and him battle in a one-on-one fight.
Hugo starts talking, but is quickly interrupted:
"Its starts off when I pick up a dungeon spyglass..."
One of the guys from the executive Orange team interrupts with:
"who needs spyglasses now when you have mobile phones- you could phone him, or leave him a message on his voicemail!"
Hugo starts to worry:
"But you won't get a signal in the dungeon!"
Orange man:
"You don't have to set it in a dungeon- why not a city"
Another Orange man:
"Yeah the film could be renamed industrial knightmare!"
Rest of Orange team agree but Treguard walks off in a huff and bangs his head on the doorframe on his way out.
Orange man in background: "Oooooooh, that IS nasty"
Laugh.
My.
Buns.
Off.
Classic.
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The life-force could advertise an 'Anti-Ageing cream'
I dont reccomend putting Oil of Olay in you knapsack tho...
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I vaguely remember an ad where some creatures (dragons?) I think for maybe British gas where one said something like "We need draft excluders" I think one of the others said "or we could get a bigger cat" I could just imagine for some reason Mrs G saing the draft excluder line to Grimmy. There was also a clip where the husband/dad read a very long bill and promptly fainted!
Julius Scaramonger advertisng shopping channel items i.e. if anyone has seen the ad for the V-Slicer (a grater) will see what I mean.
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And adding to my previous post, similar but not exactly the same. Julius Scaramonger advertising one of those accidident compensation companies and featuring Skarkill as one of the accident victims:
Julius (voice over): have you been hurt in the past couple of years? Have you been injured through no fault of your own, i.e. at work from the carelessnesses from an employer or fellow imployee? If yes to any of the mentioned you can be intitled to compensation. Take for instant Skarkill here. He was at work one day when he had a misfortune with his ex employers hired dragon, which caused both his legs permenant damage, resulting in him possibly never being able to work again and loss of earnings. He claimed with us and we compensated him. He now doesn't have to worry about any earnings losses.
Skarkill (appearing): I heard an ad for them and decided to make a claim and now money worries are behind me!
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Several characters could get together and do an advert for eBay (like the ones on TV, which can also be found by searching on here
Mogdred: How satisfying. I have pledged to buy a playpen on eBay. Now, should I ever have children, I can ensure that they look upon Mogdred, and
Treguard: Quail. Or chicken. Or any bird, just as long as I get to eat it on the Saxon dish I bought on eBay. A winning bid feels even better than a winning quest! But don't tell
Motley: Pickle. None of the Wolfenden traders 'ad any, but I got a jar of the stuff on eBay, no trouble! I says to meself, "Motley, if you make Mellisandre the greatest cheese and pickle sandwich in the Dungeon, then maybe, she'll let you give 'er a
Mrs. Grimwold: Bone, for Festus. I spotted it on eBay, and I just 'ad to 'ave it! Not sure if Festus likes dinosaur bones - for all I know, 'e might be a dinosaur 'imself - but at least a new bone will take 'im off my
Lord Fear: Hands, you imbecile! I told you to buy that frightknight trophy I saw on eBay, and instead you auction off all my swag... with measly postage and packaging charges! That's the last time I give you a key to my chest of
Ridolpho: Lute. My old one got-a chewed up by a pooka, so I go on eBay to buy myself a new one. For without a big-a shiny instrument to show the ladies, they do not believe I am a troubadour who is on the
Majida: Level 3, it will be a much easier place with this picnic hamper I got on eBay! It holds more food than knapsack, so dungeoneer's Life Force will never drop below
Greystagg: Amber. Not just witch amber, but ogre amber, goblin amber... there are so many types for sale on eBay. I could hardly believe my
Aesandre: Ice. I put some cubes of ice up for auction on eBay, and the bidding went up to 200! If I start auctioning fresh Winterian snow, I could make a
Smirkenorff: Mint. Dragon mints are so hard to come by these days, but when I saw on eBay, I began bidding, and I
Hordriss: One finds eBay most agreeable. It has furnished one with a cloak of excellent craftsmanship. Although it is something of a shame that so many auctioneers simply cannot
Merlin: Spellcasting! E... B... A.... Y! Now, what was it I wanted to bid on?
I think that's enough for now. Though this could work as an interactive thread...
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