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  • Pooka in a jar

    Fan Creations
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    HordrissH
    I don't mind waiting if you're busy.
  • Parody of Tears by Sabrina Carpenter

    Musical Parody
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    Ariadne sings a song based on Tears by Sabrina Carpenter (2025). Official video; original lyrics (Shelob-esque) I make webs down on Level 2 Being an octuple-legg'd beast Fleeing me's what you're supposed to do Or you'll be deceased A gargantuan tarantula's not the best part of your day Maybe you should leave quickly, I'll come and eat you eat you eat you up For Jamie the automatum, it came before me in gameplay And Gretel the maid's so whiny, I Don't like her I make webs down on Level 2 Being an arachnid is cool Freezing me: magic will get you through Cast RUN or you're through The strands of my web are sticky, a girl called Nicky stuck around Gundrada was an arachnophobe; Motley's oh so oh so oh so cruel The astrolabe that came later, I'm like, "Why I have got this thing?" Bringing me back for Geek Week, well I'm like, "Is that me?" I make webs, starting Series 2 Somehow they materialise Flee now or I'll make a ghost of you Fear my many eyes I make webs down on Level 2 Being an octuple-legg'd beast Fleeing me's what you're supposed to do Or you'll be deceased (Bone break...)
  • Picking items when failing to obtain clue

    Behind the Scenes
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    MystaraM
    In the early series, there seems to have been a definitive, specific, laid out path. An item was used in a particular location and if you didn't have the item (for whatever reason) when it was needed then you died. The problem is that this lead to the situation where you can do badly in the clue room and still get through the dungeon by being lucky with your selection of items. On the other hand, if you did well, picked up exactly the right items, but missed a clue (or didn't understand the advice given) you were certainly dead. So bad teams could progress and good teams could fail, and it wasn't necessarily clear why. Later series seem to have eased up on this and there always seems to have been an alternative approach available for taking the wrong items (at least in level 1).
  • Parody of The Subway by Chappell Roan

    Musical Parody
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    After Grimwold the ogre bit one of Festus's heads off, the head became (what else?) a skull haunting. It then had a failed relationship with another skull haunting — and sang this song to the tune of The Subway by Chappell Roan (released in 2025). Official video, original lyrics I saw your green glow Mandible next to your mouth There at the wellway I nearly had a breakdown Half a phase later Saw you in the Mills of Doom And it so chilled me I had to leave the room I wish the only way, it wasn't onward When's it onward, it's never onward It's such a lonely way, this moving onward Moving onward, I've not moved onward 'Til I don't look for you in the bare caves Or wish you thought that we were still ghoulmates But I'm still coldly floating through this phase 'Til you're just another skull at the wellway Ate Grimwold's dinner He went and bit my head off I see my stump and My other heads and Mrs. G scoff I made a promise If in four quests my mood's further south Well, damn this dungeon I'm going through the serpent's mouth I wish the only way, it wasn't onward When's it onward, it's never onward It's such a lonely way, this moving onward Moving onward, I've not moved onward 'Til I can steal the scene during gameplay And have a good refresh rate each Friday But I'm still coldly floating through this phase 'Til you're just another skull at the wellway You've lit, you've lit the way You've lit the way, you've lit the way And you flit, you flit away You flit away, you flit away...
  • Brother Mace (parody of Poker Face by Lady Gaga)

    Musical Parody
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    D
    enjoy!! This remains one of my favourite song parodies of yours. As a bonus, it foreshadows a line from the 2013 Geek Week special: "Not so much saga as Gaga."
  • Hi there from Kent

    Newbie Welcome
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    B
    Welcome to the forum. Looking forward to reading your posts! Knightmare had a number of teams from Kent including Ashford, Bromley and Gillingham. The team from GIllingham were in the year below me at school. I'll have to rewatch how the other Kent teams got on. Cheers!
  • Anthony Donovan

    General Discussion
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    C
    I didn't realise Anthony Donovan (Grimaldine/Brollachan) is no longer with us? I've just seen a Doctor Who wiki that says he died back in 2016, citing this Equity annual report: https://www.equity.org.uk/media/n2tjqmio/equity-annual-report-2016.pdf#page=115 (Weirdly that was the same year I posted a song parody about Grimaldine's funeral!)
  • Choose Your Own Adventure Books

    Off-Topic
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    B
    Yes indeed! Still have all of mine from childhood, pretty much all of them from 1 to 60. Wonderful series.
  • You know you've watched too much knightmare when...

    Jester's Corner
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    ...before stepping onto a moving walkway, you can't stop yourself saying, "Spellcasting S-P-E-E-D!"
  • Bolt Action Five

    Fan Creations
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    PookaP
    I've found a few mixes of this on my HD. Notably I have the "Princess Sparkle" Remix (in addition to the original mix), but I'm loath to share it without permission from BAF or Princess Sparkle herself. I may post it somewhere if there is sufficient interest. I also have a janky version of TFTF which I performed live. There are plenty of remixes, but I'm fairly certain I may be the only person to ever attempt a cover! Here is the MP3, although the quality isn't great.
  • Knightmare at BFI Mediatheque

    General Discussion
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    PookaP
    Several episodes of Knightmare are available to view at London's BFI Mediatheque (a free audio-visual repository of old film and TV at the BFI Southbank location). These are often from the original broadcast on CiTV. These span many years of Knightmare's history; some episodes also include the CiTV wraparound host sections in addition to the episode itself. From my viewing, it seems that episodes available to view include the first ever from Series 1 and one from each subsequent series. There are no successive episodes, however, meaning that some quests are only partially shown. One winner is shown - Julie, from Series 7. We've all seen Knightmare episodes by now, but I was quite excited to see these presented in their original broadcast form! If you're ever near the Southbank I'd recommend availing yourself of free Knightmare! Knightmare's entry on the BFI archive search is here. Information about the Mediatheque itself is here. I also wrote a Lexicon article about this!
  • Parody of Lucky by Britney Spears

    Musical Parody
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    D
    About Series 3 Quest 3, to the tune of Lucky by Britney Spears (2000). By a happy coincidence, this team encountered spears. Official audio, Original lyrics This is a story about a boy named Simon "Enter, stranger", he fades in Then Mark, Deborah and Claire It's time for knapsack, helmet on And later into Kaa's lair We go, "Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy?" And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting He'd met Mr. Grimwold and his wife And few dungeoneers had that plight He passed Golgarach, fled a bomb And he had an ogre on his tail And while dungeoneering, nearly got a spearing But tell me, what led his team to fail? We go, "Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy?" And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting Gifted with invisibility Went down but not to Level 3 "Series 3, and the winner is... no one!" "I'm Rhark the Goblin for the Opposition, skulking inside the caves waiting for Simon..." "...Where is he?" Will he be lucky, this Horsham-bred guy? He is so plucky, but why can't he fly? Encountered Mr. Grimwold and his wife Velda saved him some strife And we say, "He's so plucky, he's a star" But he die-die-died when he went too far, drifting He met Mr. Grimwold and his wife And few dungeoneers had that plight Tried to be plucky But he die-die-died when he went too far, DISMISS Farewell Simon, on with Series 3 'Til Leo dies similarly
  • Parody of Whenever, Wherever by Shakira

    Musical Parody
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    C
    I love this!!
  • Popeye on Knightmare?

    Reminds me of Knightmare
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    Thank you to fellow forum member Snowcat (Andrew) for finding this: a restored clip from the 1934 Popeye cartoon Can You Take It showing a blindfolded Popeye tackling an obstacle course that includes circular saws. Instagram post, Facebook post
  • Merriam-Webster

    Reminds me of Knightmare
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    According to a recent social media post from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 'If you have 'vim,' there's a 99% chance you also have 'vigor.'' Not on Knightmare!
  • R.I.P. Tom Karol

    News Discussion
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    T
    Rosey and I have been watching Series 2 & 3 recently. I always find it rather sobering to watch a Knightmare actor whom I've found out has passed away since the last time I saw them. Tom Karol created some really entertaining scenes.
  • Eye Shield Sequences - is it possible ...

    Cast and Crew Questions
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    In the early ‘90s, adding dynamic objects to Eye Shield sequences was too complex due to limited motion tracking and compositing tech. Today, AR and game engines like Unreal enable real-time interaction, making such sequences fully immersive and interactive, enhancing gameplay with responsive characters and objects.
  • The Eye Shield "Issue 71"

    The Eye Shield
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    https://knightmarepod.co.uk/temporal-discussion-30-years-of-hurt-and-other-ramblings-a-temporal-tangents-special This serves as something of a quick follow-up to The Eye Shield "Issue 71".
  • Parody of The Giver by Chappell Roan

    Musical Parody
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    A goblin auditions. Based on The Giver by Chappell Roan (2025). Official video; Original lyrics Ain't got brains and ain't got brawn But I've got a goblin horn That I blow on the hunt for a Friday bite And I'll track kids down any path From dwarvish tunnels to Dungarth As agile as an underfed cat So Skarkill When you need a quest done You can call me, Skarkill 'Cause you won't wanna smell me But I'll elev-ate ya And none will overtake ya, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa If you have to wash me, it's sewers not a river Ain't no cavernwight critter The dungeoneer's done From Banburn to Dunn Hey I don't need arachnid struts Or mechanics in my guts 'Cause how I look is how I hunt And in the Dungeon of Deceit Good luck finding a goblin who can beat An elfstone's lure all Friday long So Skarkill Start your squad off with one Hire me, Skarkill 'Cause I don't laze at wellways Moving's in my nature So tame me like a tamer, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa Don't need much to feed me, just dung and human liver Ain't no greedy Fatilla I'm nobody's hun Though clubbing is fun The dungeoneer's done 'Cause you don't need to tempt me I'm not here to date ya Don't treat me like a talker, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa I've evaded Gwendoline, while she exhausts her quiver There's no faerie that's fitter I'm second to none From Three up to One Good hygiene I shun The quests are undone Oh and Rhark's my plus-one So man, will I do? You're lovely
  • Episodes Available Online

    Le Chevalier Du Labyrinth
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    C
    I've just been watching a fourth episode of Chevalier that was uploaded by an advisor 6 years ago (so maybe others have seen it already). What on EARTH is going on in the antechamber at the start, with the Master randomly rubbing a hunchback's head while a topless guy stands nearby flexing his muscles for no apparent reason?! I had no idea French people say "Stop" in English! (If they did it in the earlier episodes then I didn't notice.) Ooooooo, interesting to see them use the swinging axe room that only ever appeared in the end credits of Knightmare (albeit with a different path underneath). What's with the single brief shot of a Crystal Maze-style map of the dungeon at one point?! Questions about Donald Duck and his nephews, and other modern films, still feel very out of place in the medieval fantasy setting! It is fun to watch these, though it's often hard to follow what they're saying (and the auto-generated subtitles tend to make it even more confusing).