Aww, this is nice - Georges Beller (the French Treguard) reminiscing about Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe in 2022. It sounds like he still gets the same attention from fans that Hugo Myatt gets over here! https://www.facebook.com/laloidesseries/videos/-georges-beller-se-souvient-de-l%C3%A9mission-le-chevalier-du-labyrinthe-/5541940872507469/

I just came across a draft forum post I wrote in 2015 after purchasing the Fist Of Fun DVDs. I was waiting until I'd had a chance to view the DVD-ROM content in case there was anything else worth mentioning, but I never got round to it and then forgot all about it. Obviously the post is somewhat out of date now, but since I went to the trouble of writing it, I may as well belatedly share it! Many thanks to Mashibinbin for letting me know about the current sale at Go Faster Stripe! I picked up the Fist Of Fun 4-disc sets and they are definitely well worth it. To answer my own question: 'Interview with a Pieman' doesn't feature Bill Cashmore (it's Andy McKay who played the Piemaster), but Bill does appear in several unbroadcast sketches: Sick Supermodels, in the rushes for Series 1 Episode 3. Bill plays one of the guys dating the diseased models. The Bootleg Bootleg Beatles, a studio skit in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 2. Bill stars as the founder of the band, in the fake George Harrison role. If this hadn't been cut from the final edit, he would actually have been the first person to say "You want the moon on a stick"! Goldilocks and the Three Men, in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 4. He is indeed one of the Men. I think this cut sketch must be why he is credited in the fourth and sixth episodes despite not appearing in the broadcast versions! Natural Born Killers, a studio skit in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 4. Bill and Ronni Ancona appear as 'Veronica and William Ankmore', a couple claiming to have been influenced by the controversial film. This was filmed to appear in Episode 5, but had to be dropped due to the Dunblane massacre! Rich & Stew also praise him a lot in their commentary for Series 1 Episode 1, which featured 'The Tortoise and the Man'. Sadly there is no mention of Knightmare, as they have no idea what else he's been in! You really do get hours of fun with these DVDs - Rich & Stew's episode commentaries are very entertaining (and Kevin Eldon is still hilarious as Rod Hull!), the studio rushes are full of amusing banter and outtakes (plus a few other sketches that were axed or censored for TV), there are loads more extras, and every disc has an Easter Egg too. I wasn't sure about paying £50 for them, but at £15 each they are great value for money. While on the subject of Bill, various other TV appearances are now available to watch online, including 'The Essential Guide To Parties', a CITV Christmas programme he co-hosted with Andy Powrie in 1996 (I think this is the first time I've actually seen them on screen together). I've also just discovered a '90s audio series called The Magical Music Box which features both Bill Cashmore and Edmund Dehn in a number of episodes (including 'Hall of the Troll King' which they're both in) - Bill has fairly major villainous roles in 'The Highwayman's Mask' and 'The Monks' Treasure'. The latter story is strangely reminiscent of Knightmare, with a monk addressing a boy called Dickon and a scene where light through a stained glass window reveals the location of something hidden!

The Big Issue is up and running once again thanks to Temporal Discussion (https://knightmare.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=57929#p57929) Series 5 Episode 6, which stars Martin Harder, Paul McIntosh and Jake Collins. Who would have antagonised Sarah (Team 3) on level 3? Lord Fear, Aesandre or no one! Listen to the (bumper) episode at http://knightmarepod.co.uk/temporal-discussion-s05e06-sarah-and-the-saw and then cast your vote at http://poll-maker.com/poll5428061x8e1Cb557-161

There's a short video online called 'If Knightmare's wall monsters had tension music' which uses the clue room scene from this episode. This episode had a rare example of an actor playing a dungeoneer: in this case, Bryan McNerney (presumed to be the actor who played the Behemoth) playing Kelly as the Behemoth after the casting of TRANSFORM. In Series 5 we had an unknown performer playing Christopher as a goblin; in Series 8 we had Mark Knight playing Daniel as Lord Fear after Daniel drank the Fearsome potion. This episode also had an example of an actor playing two different characters in consecutive scenes. Bryan McNerney (unconfirmed) played Kelly as Behemoth, then played Grimwold the ogre. Sound-wise, there's a lot going on when Kelly meets her end. The floating skull; music; Grimwold roaring; heartbeat; bell. I like how Treguard heralds the calm after the storm with a drawn-out "Ooh nasty" fading to a whisper. I remember watching this post-mortem speech of Treguard's for the first time and trying to take it all in. The reference to Kelly being gone but somehow present elsewhere; the detailed description of what Kelly should have done to survive, presenting a clear scenario of what might have been; the phrase "alive and kicking", which I'd never heard before, evoking an image of Kelly suspended in some kind of limbo, kicking to show she was still alive and ready to be reunited with her advisors. Treguard's delivery of "D-I-S-M-I-S-S" is unusual, with "D-I-S" so close together without the usual pauses in between. It reminds me of seeing a production of Hamlet where Hamlet delivered the most famous line with unexpected emphasis: "To be or not to be."

"Dickon's got the horn, master!" seems to be very famous for something that never ended up in the finished episode, too (it originates from a 2002 David Learner interview and presumably got cut before transmission). I wonder if David Learner himself has slightly misremembered this incident. He claims to have said it when they picked up the goblin-deafening horn in the Oakley scene, but this has always struck me as rather unlikely (it's not like Pickle was in the habit of redundantly observing what clue objects had just been chosen), and I also doubt he would have said it when they needed to use the horn, as it would've been too heavy a hint. Perhaps he actually said it when they completed their quest - Pickle does exclaim "He's done it, master - Dickon has the crown!" and a goblin horn sounds as he picks it up, which is weirdly never mentioned by anyone. This might have caused David to accidentally say "horn" instead of "crown", which would be easy enough to re-film. (It's possible there was supposed to be some additional dialogue about rescuing Dickon before the goblins arrived, which ended up being forgotten or cut.)

A song about Natasha Pope's deadliest character in Series 3. Based on She's A Star by James (1997). Lyrics, Official audio Whenever she's feeling elvish She's Velda and battle cries she roars From Kelly she took a rose n' Martin's the last dungeoneer she saw Golgarach does all the odd quests Says "Falsehood" if he finds you a fool In even quests we get Brangwen She fills up a wall But oh, she plays someone else far more dark Someone whose bite is much worse than her bark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's been in Arthurian legend She's moved to the Lower Catacombs At home on the lowest level Under Level 2 Oh Ross, she knows where to wait in the dark Oh Martin, she's so much worse than the shark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna Don't think you'll defeat her Without some magic from a wyrm Be scared when you meet her She'll make you squirm She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna It's a long path Better not pause Axe or lightning It's a long fall Ooh nasty Ooh nasty She's Morghanna

Fantastic! They'd make great bookends. I've actually made full dragon statue bookends before but they were for Dragonriders of Pern, which has much simpler dragons. Pern_bookends.jpg Doing something like that for Smirkenorff would be an awful lot of work and I'm busy with other projects at the moment. Some of which are Knightmare related. This has reminded me I never posted a picture of my paint colour test. Smirk_paint_test.jpg [image: Pern_bookends.jpg] [image: Smirk_paint_test.jpg]

Those look absolutely gorgeous. Scaled up they could easily pass for the genuine article. I gave these ones away, so I need to make more for myself. I'll do that as a larger version when the weather warms up, so it's easier to run my printers. It would be fun to offer some to the dungeoneers at Knightmare live if they do the game expo in Birmingham again.

Based on Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin (1999). From the point of view of someone who isn't keen on a certain Knightmare character. Official video, original lyrics She's in instead of Pickle Like a piranha shoal I'm not entranced or tickled Bulstrode is the lesser troll She's into irritation Complaints in the firelight She's got a predilection For showing Treguard spite She'll treat you with derision When you're trying to explain She'll take your dignity and staff And unleash a realm of pain Series 7 down the drain (Bog off) Upside, inside out She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She'll push and pull you down Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er No wonder Motley fled She's beyond the help of a joker She will piss you off Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er I s'pose she thinks it's witty Giving Crusades veterans hell And yet she treats every team with pity She thinks they all need a seeing spell She disses Hordriss' daughter From her barbs she won't refrain And if I knew who sent her here I would formally complain Oh no here she goes again (Bog off)...

Got a picture?

I've been alerted to a full length episode of Cyberzone that is available online As of this month, there are two full episodes of Cyberzone online. The latest upload has Tessa Sanderson and Colin Jackson as guests.

Based on Femininomenon by Chappell Roan (2023). Official audio, original lyrics Same old story, yet again Got so close but then you're dropping You were let down by your friends Now your quest is sadly stopping You got past blockers and blokes with bad accents Now it's farewell because you lost your balance On a causeway, please stay up For the Shield, Sword, Crown or Cup Victory to Lord Fear Why can't dungeoneers Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a knight Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a- um, can you stay alert on your flipping feet? Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons [x2] So your quest is staying true You've been guided right through all of Level One and Level Two And you're confident you won't fall off Deep in the dungeons, the Caverns of Gore say "You cannot win 'til you cross the Great Causeway" Frightknight's sword descends, you're gone Up to then your promise shone And you were oh so near Why can't dungeoneers Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a knight Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a- um, can you stay alert on your flipping feet? Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons [x2] Teams, you know what I mean And you know what you need To get across But does it happen? (Sometimes) But does it happen? (Sometimes) Well far too many teams, they... fell off a hexagon (They what?) They fell off a hexagon Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong Did you hear me? Move your flipping feet! Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons...

Post-Series 6, Lord Fear sacks Skarkill. Based on Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl by Chappell Roan (2023). Official video with lyrics in the description You know what they say, "Never waste a Friday tea on a goblin master" But there I was, in my helmet with my eyes red And so, I bring him to Mount Fear This man couldn't dance He only caught a single dungeoneer And he was clapping these iron chains (ugh) It doesn't matter though He no longer has what it takes to be With a lord like me I'm overdramatic, I know what I want I'm leaving the mountain, and you can't come Farewell, Skarkill I don't know what's so lovely 'cause I've had my fill Oh yeah, I need A technomantic pyromaniac like me No huns, no monks, ow Spare me the miremen in swimming trunks Oh yeah, I need A technomantic pyromaniac like me Telling secrets there on the spyglass Wearing something that isn't in my class In every quest you've failed my test, your brain cells are quite sparse So get out (now), had enough of dry farce I'm overdramatic, I know what I want I'm leaving the dragon, and you can't come Farewell, Skarkill I don't know what's so lovely 'cause I've had my fill Oh yeah, I need A technomantic pyromaniac like me No huns, no monks, ow Spare me the troubadours who think they're hunks Oh yeah, I need A technomantic pyromaniac like me (Shut up for me) Get out of my sight Leave Grippa and Rhark Limp that limp and take a hike somewhere dark You'll never be Lord Fear, I set too high a bar Limp that limp Say goodbye and Take your irons Stop your cryin' I'm the star Farewell, Skarkill I don't know what's so lovely 'cause I've had my fill Oh yeah, I need A technomantic pyromaniac like me No huns, no monks, ow Spare me the cavernwights with swinging trunks Oh yeah, I need A technomantic, so-pedantic Keeps-his-cool and never-frantic Wants-no-men-from-the-Atlantic lord like me

[The Present Day. At the home of Scott, veteran dungeoneer of Series 3, his baby son has pulled himself up from the floor and is holding onto the sofa.] Scott's Wife: Quick, I think he's about to start walking. Get the camera! [Scott runs out. But by the time he's returned with the camera, the baby has already walked.] Scott: Oh no, I missed the first step! [Looks into the camera.] Like that's never happened before. [Winks.] Scott's Wife: What? (With apologies to Scott and to any real-life wives and children he may have.) Truth is stranger than fiction... At Knightmare Live on Monday, a few of us met Scott and chatted with him. He does have a real-life wife and child. He told us how he watched Knightmare with his daughter, but left it a surprise that he was on it. Scott is a lovely guy and very appreciative of all the fans who actively help to keep Knightmare alive.

Based on Chesney Hawkes' new single, Live Forever (2024). Official music video (with original lyrics in the description) Is there a short cut Right to Level 3? We might get caught but We'll set Hordriss free We got just one chance Gonna make it real And Stiletta beside says, "Here's Reveal" Now where's the door To Level 3? Let's turn this Reach Wand to the wall Let's dodge the fire they shoot in balls So here we go down the corridor We will Skip a level, skip a level, a level Skip a level, skip a level, a level Skip a level 'Book is for browsing' By Sidriss you see 'Stick is for dowsing' For Level 3 We got one last chance If we're not cursed And the dragon beside says, "Here, have BURST" Now where's the door To Level 3? Let's move this dowser up the screen Let's flee the miretrog, he eats teens And Level 2's just what might have been We will Skip a level, skip a level, a level Skip a level, skip a level, a level Skip a level, skip a level, a level...

Based on How Bizarre by OMC (1996). Official music video (with original lyrics as subtitles) Brother Strange is in the tunnel, to Richard Howse he says "I beg no proverbs from you in this dire, dire place" Later a red dragon threatens from behind Large head looming, there's no escape to find Treguard speaks words of warning, Majida just frets some more Dragon asks himself, "The only question ... cooked or raw?" Bhal-Shebah Bhal-Shebah, Bhal-Shebah Quest in action anew, Daniel picks up a spyglass A deadly pasty poser reveals a smile from the past Bhal and Shebah on the screen, red as red can be Lissard speaks "Lordness?" and is given the wordkey Bhal-Shebah Bhal-Shebah, Bhal-Shebah Ooh Treguard Cooked dungeoneers stay charred (and then that's their day marred) Every time some food is found And the life force pie goes round And it makes that dinging sound I miss the face Technomancer's stressed out and asks, "Do you understand?" Shebah does, Bhal doesn't, Bhal thinks Shebah's underhand Lord Fear's had enough of them, and gives them both the sack As guards, then speaks to Lissard about bribing Snapper-Jack Later, Smirkenorff we see. Same prop, different shade Thank you to Mark Cordory: the dragon head he made Bhal-Shebah got brainwashed, now he's Firestorm Wanna know the rest? Hey, find Linghorm Ooh Treguard You make the gameplay hard (and was Maldame scarred?) Every time some food is found And the life force pie goes round And it makes that dinging sound I miss the face...

Finally, to mix things up a bit... Demonic Room.PNG Stained Glass Window Monster.PNG Bomb and Pit.PNG [image: Bomb and Pit.PNG] [image: Stained Glass Window Monster.PNG] [image: Demonic Room.PNG]

About Series 2 Quest 5, which ended for the lack of a glove. Based on Love Shack by the B-52's (1989). With a nod to The Simpsons' parody Glove Slap. Video; Original lyrics If the year is '88 inside Treguard's abode, he says "Fifth team died through a glove lack!" Glove lack yeah We're heading down into Mildread's wellway Looking for a tum getaway Friday'd be a much better day I got to Olgarth, after I spun the wheel And we headed off out with the bats' wings I got past the chessboard, I could be a winner I'll hurry up and grab my chicken dinner The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, baby glove lack Glove lack, baby glove lack Veiled face (woo!), listen for clues A glove, scroll and a so-o-oap block Well she said not soap in the riddle of her speech But the soap we don't lack and there's no turning back Met a faded Merlin Met the Automatum Met the catacombite Met the face of Mogdred The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, no turning back Glove lack, no turning back Now we're reminiscing, Level One we're missing Met Mildread and Gretel which is hardly a coven The wheel was spinning, the dungeon rooms were moving Around and around and around and around If you're bad at choosing, your team will be losing baby Needed a glove for the catacombite If you're bad at choosing, your team will be losing baby Thought it would attack Thought it would attack Mogdred says hi and he's as big as he's pale And he will make you all quail I got me a scroll, was told not to read it I wonder exactly why I need it The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, baby glove lack Glove lack, baby glove lack (oh baby no turning back) Welcome to one of my playpens Not an actual playpen Tony Welcome to one of my playpens Play forever Playpen! There's no doors Tony Playpen! There's no doors Playpen! There's no doors Tony Playpen You're what? Dismissed (Ooh) nasty! Glove lack, baby glove lack...

Granitas having the first crack of the wall monsters seems mysteriously (in) appropriate somehow Ohhhh, how could you? Lol.

You're welcome to post my prop picks on the main site if you wish. The photos aren't exactly arty, more just a means to an end but I'd be glad to contribute.