Knightmare Forum

I love this!!

Thank you to fellow forum member Snowcat (Andrew) for finding this: a restored clip from the 1934 Popeye cartoon Can You Take It showing a blindfolded Popeye tackling an obstacle course that includes circular saws. Instagram post, Facebook post

According to a recent social media post from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 'If you have 'vim,' there's a 99% chance you also have 'vigor.'' Not on Knightmare!

Rosey and I have been watching Series 2 & 3 recently. I always find it rather sobering to watch a Knightmare actor whom I've found out has passed away since the last time I saw them. Tom Karol created some really entertaining scenes.

In the early ‘90s, adding dynamic objects to Eye Shield sequences was too complex due to limited motion tracking and compositing tech. Today, AR and game engines like Unreal enable real-time interaction, making such sequences fully immersive and interactive, enhancing gameplay with responsive characters and objects.

https://knightmarepod.co.uk/temporal-discussion-30-years-of-hurt-and-other-ramblings-a-temporal-tangents-special This serves as something of a quick follow-up to The Eye Shield "Issue 71".

A goblin auditions. Based on The Giver by Chappell Roan (2025). Official video; Original lyrics Ain't got brains and ain't got brawn But I've got a goblin horn That I blow on the hunt for a Friday bite And I'll track kids down any path From dwarvish tunnels to Dungarth As agile as an underfed cat So Skarkill When you need a quest done You can call me, Skarkill 'Cause you won't wanna smell me But I'll elev-ate ya And none will overtake ya, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa If you have to wash me, it's sewers not a river Ain't no cavernwight critter The dungeoneer's done From Banburn to Dunn Hey I don't need arachnid struts Or mechanics in my guts 'Cause how I look is how I hunt And in the Dungeon of Deceit Good luck finding a goblin who can beat An elfstone's lure all Friday long So Skarkill Start your squad off with one Hire me, Skarkill 'Cause I don't laze at wellways Moving's in my nature So tame me like a tamer, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa Don't need much to feed me, just dung and human liver Ain't no greedy Fatilla I'm nobody's hun Though clubbing is fun The dungeoneer's done 'Cause you don't need to tempt me I'm not here to date ya Don't treat me like a talker, 'cause Skarkill I'm a Grippa I've evaded Gwendoline, while she exhausts her quiver There's no faerie that's fitter I'm second to none From Three up to One Good hygiene I shun The quests are undone Oh and Rhark's my plus-one So man, will I do? You're lovely

I've just been watching a fourth episode of Chevalier that was uploaded by an advisor 6 years ago (so maybe others have seen it already). What on EARTH is going on in the antechamber at the start, with the Master randomly rubbing a hunchback's head while a topless guy stands nearby flexing his muscles for no apparent reason?! I had no idea French people say "Stop" in English! (If they did it in the earlier episodes then I didn't notice.) Ooooooo, interesting to see them use the swinging axe room that only ever appeared in the end credits of Knightmare (albeit with a different path underneath). What's with the single brief shot of a Crystal Maze-style map of the dungeon at one point?! Questions about Donald Duck and his nephews, and other modern films, still feel very out of place in the medieval fantasy setting! It is fun to watch these, though it's often hard to follow what they're saying (and the auto-generated subtitles tend to make it even more confusing).

Aww, this is nice - Georges Beller (the French Treguard) reminiscing about Le Chevalier du Labyrinthe in 2022. It sounds like he still gets the same attention from fans that Hugo Myatt gets over here! https://www.facebook.com/laloidesseries/videos/-georges-beller-se-souvient-de-l%C3%A9mission-le-chevalier-du-labyrinthe-/5541940872507469/

I just came across a draft forum post I wrote in 2015 after purchasing the Fist Of Fun DVDs. I was waiting until I'd had a chance to view the DVD-ROM content in case there was anything else worth mentioning, but I never got round to it and then forgot all about it. Obviously the post is somewhat out of date now, but since I went to the trouble of writing it, I may as well belatedly share it! Many thanks to Mashibinbin for letting me know about the current sale at Go Faster Stripe! I picked up the Fist Of Fun 4-disc sets and they are definitely well worth it. To answer my own question: 'Interview with a Pieman' doesn't feature Bill Cashmore (it's Andy McKay who played the Piemaster), but Bill does appear in several unbroadcast sketches: Sick Supermodels, in the rushes for Series 1 Episode 3. Bill plays one of the guys dating the diseased models. The Bootleg Bootleg Beatles, a studio skit in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 2. Bill stars as the founder of the band, in the fake George Harrison role. If this hadn't been cut from the final edit, he would actually have been the first person to say "You want the moon on a stick"! Goldilocks and the Three Men, in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 4. He is indeed one of the Men. I think this cut sketch must be why he is credited in the fourth and sixth episodes despite not appearing in the broadcast versions! Natural Born Killers, a studio skit in the rushes for Series 2 Episode 4. Bill and Ronni Ancona appear as 'Veronica and William Ankmore', a couple claiming to have been influenced by the controversial film. This was filmed to appear in Episode 5, but had to be dropped due to the Dunblane massacre! Rich & Stew also praise him a lot in their commentary for Series 1 Episode 1, which featured 'The Tortoise and the Man'. Sadly there is no mention of Knightmare, as they have no idea what else he's been in! You really do get hours of fun with these DVDs - Rich & Stew's episode commentaries are very entertaining (and Kevin Eldon is still hilarious as Rod Hull!), the studio rushes are full of amusing banter and outtakes (plus a few other sketches that were axed or censored for TV), there are loads more extras, and every disc has an Easter Egg too. I wasn't sure about paying £50 for them, but at £15 each they are great value for money. While on the subject of Bill, various other TV appearances are now available to watch online, including 'The Essential Guide To Parties', a CITV Christmas programme he co-hosted with Andy Powrie in 1996 (I think this is the first time I've actually seen them on screen together). I've also just discovered a '90s audio series called The Magical Music Box which features both Bill Cashmore and Edmund Dehn in a number of episodes (including 'Hall of the Troll King' which they're both in) - Bill has fairly major villainous roles in 'The Highwayman's Mask' and 'The Monks' Treasure'. The latter story is strangely reminiscent of Knightmare, with a monk addressing a boy called Dickon and a scene where light through a stained glass window reveals the location of something hidden!

The Big Issue is up and running once again thanks to Temporal Discussion (https://knightmare.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=57929#p57929) Series 5 Episode 6, which stars Martin Harder, Paul McIntosh and Jake Collins. Who would have antagonised Sarah (Team 3) on level 3? Lord Fear, Aesandre or no one! Listen to the (bumper) episode at http://knightmarepod.co.uk/temporal-discussion-s05e06-sarah-and-the-saw and then cast your vote at http://poll-maker.com/poll5428061x8e1Cb557-161

There's a short video online called 'If Knightmare's wall monsters had tension music' which uses the clue room scene from this episode. This episode had a rare example of an actor playing a dungeoneer: in this case, Bryan McNerney (presumed to be the actor who played the Behemoth) playing Kelly as the Behemoth after the casting of TRANSFORM. In Series 5 we had an unknown performer playing Christopher as a goblin; in Series 8 we had Mark Knight playing Daniel as Lord Fear after Daniel drank the Fearsome potion. This episode also had an example of an actor playing two different characters in consecutive scenes. Bryan McNerney (unconfirmed) played Kelly as Behemoth, then played Grimwold the ogre. Sound-wise, there's a lot going on when Kelly meets her end. The floating skull; music; Grimwold roaring; heartbeat; bell. I like how Treguard heralds the calm after the storm with a drawn-out "Ooh nasty" fading to a whisper. I remember watching this post-mortem speech of Treguard's for the first time and trying to take it all in. The reference to Kelly being gone but somehow present elsewhere; the detailed description of what Kelly should have done to survive, presenting a clear scenario of what might have been; the phrase "alive and kicking", which I'd never heard before, evoking an image of Kelly suspended in some kind of limbo, kicking to show she was still alive and ready to be reunited with her advisors. Treguard's delivery of "D-I-S-M-I-S-S" is unusual, with "D-I-S" so close together without the usual pauses in between. It reminds me of seeing a production of Hamlet where Hamlet delivered the most famous line with unexpected emphasis: "To be or not to be."

"Dickon's got the horn, master!" seems to be very famous for something that never ended up in the finished episode, too (it originates from a 2002 David Learner interview and presumably got cut before transmission). I wonder if David Learner himself has slightly misremembered this incident. He claims to have said it when they picked up the goblin-deafening horn in the Oakley scene, but this has always struck me as rather unlikely (it's not like Pickle was in the habit of redundantly observing what clue objects had just been chosen), and I also doubt he would have said it when they needed to use the horn, as it would've been too heavy a hint. Perhaps he actually said it when they completed their quest - Pickle does exclaim "He's done it, master - Dickon has the crown!" and a goblin horn sounds as he picks it up, which is weirdly never mentioned by anyone. This might have caused David to accidentally say "horn" instead of "crown", which would be easy enough to re-film. (It's possible there was supposed to be some additional dialogue about rescuing Dickon before the goblins arrived, which ended up being forgotten or cut.)

A song about Natasha Pope's deadliest character in Series 3. Based on She's A Star by James (1997). Lyrics, Official audio Whenever she's feeling elvish She's Velda and battle cries she roars From Kelly she took a rose n' Martin's the last dungeoneer she saw Golgarach does all the odd quests Says "Falsehood" if he finds you a fool In even quests we get Brangwen She fills up a wall But oh, she plays someone else far more dark Someone whose bite is much worse than her bark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's been in Arthurian legend She's moved to the Lower Catacombs At home on the lowest level Under Level 2 Oh Ross, she knows where to wait in the dark Oh Martin, she's so much worse than the shark She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna Don't think you'll defeat her Without some magic from a wyrm Be scared when you meet her She'll make you squirm She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna She's Morghaaa-aaa-aaanna It's a long path Better not pause Axe or lightning It's a long fall Ooh nasty Ooh nasty She's Morghanna

Fantastic! They'd make great bookends. I've actually made full dragon statue bookends before but they were for Dragonriders of Pern, which has much simpler dragons. Pern_bookends.jpg Doing something like that for Smirkenorff would be an awful lot of work and I'm busy with other projects at the moment. Some of which are Knightmare related. This has reminded me I never posted a picture of my paint colour test. Smirk_paint_test.jpg [image: Pern_bookends.jpg] [image: Smirk_paint_test.jpg]

Those look absolutely gorgeous. Scaled up they could easily pass for the genuine article. I gave these ones away, so I need to make more for myself. I'll do that as a larger version when the weather warms up, so it's easier to run my printers. It would be fun to offer some to the dungeoneers at Knightmare live if they do the game expo in Birmingham again.

Based on Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin (1999). From the point of view of someone who isn't keen on a certain Knightmare character. Official video, original lyrics She's in instead of Pickle Like a piranha shoal I'm not entranced or tickled Bulstrode is the lesser troll She's into irritation Complaints in the firelight She's got a predilection For showing Treguard spite She'll treat you with derision When you're trying to explain She'll take your dignity and staff And unleash a realm of pain Series 7 down the drain (Bog off) Upside, inside out She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She'll push and pull you down Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er No wonder Motley fled She's beyond the help of a joker She will piss you off Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er Frickin' Majida, loathe 'er She's frickin' Majida, loathe 'er I s'pose she thinks it's witty Giving Crusades veterans hell And yet she treats every team with pity She thinks they all need a seeing spell She disses Hordriss' daughter From her barbs she won't refrain And if I knew who sent her here I would formally complain Oh no here she goes again (Bog off)...

Got a picture?

I've been alerted to a full length episode of Cyberzone that is available online As of this month, there are two full episodes of Cyberzone online. The latest upload has Tessa Sanderson and Colin Jackson as guests.

Based on Femininomenon by Chappell Roan (2023). Official audio, original lyrics Same old story, yet again Got so close but then you're dropping You were let down by your friends Now your quest is sadly stopping You got past blockers and blokes with bad accents Now it's farewell because you lost your balance On a causeway, please stay up For the Shield, Sword, Crown or Cup Victory to Lord Fear Why can't dungeoneers Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a knight Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a- um, can you stay alert on your flipping feet? Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons [x2] So your quest is staying true You've been guided right through all of Level One and Level Two And you're confident you won't fall off Deep in the dungeons, the Caverns of Gore say "You cannot win 'til you cross the Great Causeway" Frightknight's sword descends, you're gone Up to then your promise shone And you were oh so near Why can't dungeoneers Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a knight Know your right Mind the edge Make it quick There's a- um, can you stay alert on your flipping feet? Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons [x2] Teams, you know what I mean And you know what you need To get across But does it happen? (Sometimes) But does it happen? (Sometimes) Well far too many teams, they... fell off a hexagon (They what?) They fell off a hexagon Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong Did you hear me? Move your flipping feet! Know your right from your left, don't get it wrong Mind the edge, otherwise the fall is long Make it quick, so that we don't hear a bong There's a knight disassembling hexagons...