Musical Parody

I don't know why I didn't think of this one sooner, but here's a parody of Danger Zone (Kenny Loggins, 1986) about Lillith. Music video here; lyrics via Google. With thanks to Giorgio Moroder for the music. Level One you've entered Lillith you are bound to meet Magic incantation Makes it safe to move your feet "Rock to rock and stone to stone Span the pit and cross the zone" Lounging in her chasm Waiting for a gift from you She wants a Buddha or bouquet And she may give a spell or two "Rock to rock and stone to stone" She'll make it "span the pit and cross the zone" You'll never get to Level Two Unless you please her and go through the serpent's mouth You'll never know all she can do Until you mess it up and Lillith sends you south Standing on her ledge is Never a safe place to be If she's an aching head She's not for sensitivity Ice packs are less danger prone They're a ticket right across the gaping zone "Have no time for boys like you... Crumble, ledge and Akash too" Offer her an empty jar And she'll send you somewhere downward, under par "Have no time for boys from Ash... Crumble, ledge, and boulders crash" Hi, Maeve, you've no afro comb Mary Miller, next year also play a crone "Rock to rock and stone to stone Span the pit and cross the zone..." [image: death.jpg]

In memory of Keith Flint. Based on Firestarter by The Prodigy (1996), parodied here by Billy in 2006. Video here; lyrics available by online search. I'm the dungeon villain, punkin' opposition I'm the fear ennobled, a danger if I'm ogled I'm a fireballer, twisted fireballer You're no fireballer, twisted fireballer I'm a fireballer, twisted fireballer I'm the Treguard baiter, Series Five to Eighter I'm the insult thrower, and the eyes-red glower I'm a fireballer, twisted fireballer You're no fireballer, twisted fireballer I'm the elf renamer, red dragon tamer I'm the technomancer, Marta (fake) romancer I'm a fireballer, twisted fireballer He's the "dungeon master ... sleepwalking disaster" I'm a fireballer, twisted fireballer

that's genius that is.

Our Christmas Number 1 for 2018 is a song parody: We Built This City ...on Sausage Rolls. Here's my version of the same song i.e. We Built This City by Starship (1985). It gives credit to Knightmare's actors of multiple parts and its man of magnificent art. Music video (did Knightmare Series 3 take inspiration about 2-and-a-half minutes in?); original lyrics I've also parodied Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Starship. They filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles Built this series They built this series on David Rowe Michael plays Doorkis (We barely saw his face) Gatemaster and the Hun And that Brother Mace Ah Wok and Sir Hugh are Lord Fear without fright And there is Rothberry All played by a Knight Iona plays the bumbler Witch queen and the lady foe Don't you remember? They filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles They filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles Filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles Valentine is playing Motley, Boatman, Hands Too bad he's also Fidjit (Opposition plans?) Clifford is the Dreadnort Oakley shows his rage He's calm as Owen and Smirkenorff Righteous as the mage Tom's Olaf and he's Bumptious Mrs. Grimwold and the crow Don't you remember? They filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles They filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles Filled this series They filled this series with lots of roles They showed it on a Monday: Children's ITV We're pleased it moved to Fridays When we got Series 3 Who paints the dungeon Underneath the stars? Who draws the wells and halls The runes and the gars? No spells match his greatness His works are simply jewels Chromakeyed for dungeoneers Running from the ghouls "Welcome, watchers of illusion to the castle of confusion..." Don't be dismembered "Phase with us now for this is the time of adventure..." Mark's team first beat the dungeon Wickson in the studio Don't you remember? They built this series They built this series on David Rowe...

Something that a lot of people know (but a few don't) is that the name of the song is The History of Everything, and that it's a BNL song in its own right, as opposed to just a theme song. I saw BNL play it live about a year ago. There's a video of the full thing (with lyrics) here. However, I think the version you've written is fine, even if it's just based on the first verse... it packs more of a punch that way!

great one.

About the new character from the beginning of Series 5. Based on Phantom Bride by Erasure (1988). Original song She was a new girl and a dungeoneer She had to find the Cup, had to beat Lord Fear She donned the helmet and the shield and sack Began her journey on a dragon's back And on his wings he'd soar away We'd soon forget about wellways See him fly, see him fly Let him fly the dungeoneers through the skies See him fly, see him fly Let him fly the dungeoneers through the skies He was a Saxon with a castle and keep He hired Smirkenorff (he didn't spellcast CREEP) A mounted saddle with a pouch beside Dragon mints in for the dragon ride And on his wings he'd soar away We'd soon forget about wellways See him fly, see him fly Let him fly the dungeoneers through the skies See him fly, see him fly Let him fly the dungeoneers across the skies...

Lord Fear brags about his end-of-Series-7 scheme, to the tune of Living Doll by Cliff Richard (1959). Official audio, lyrics Got myself a spying, gawking, dragon-stalking, leering Broll Seems that he has got amnesia but knows he's a leering Broll With a bit of graft he'll dig a shaft to Treguard like a mole Got the one and only gawking, stalking, leering Broll [image: levelonespyglass.jpg] Take a look at the wall, he's there And he will not leave for a while, just stare Has a non-stop hunger for truth, a single tooth He's worse than that talking key Got myself the giant, hulking, staring, skulking king of trolls Sometimes that he can count past three and that's why he's the king of trolls Gonna send him into Knightmare Castle through a giant hole Got the one and only hulking, skulking king of trolls [image: levelthreetroll.jpg] Take a look at his axe, it's huge And he knows six words (they don't include 'stooge') And in a mo he'll show his big face in Treguard's place To give me my victory Got myself a fallen, crushing, bad concussing king of trolls Didn't think that he'd get hammered. Blast and damn that king of trolls Got the smell of death and Lissard's breath: it's like a rotten shoal And the sound of lonely, droning, moaning, leering Broll [image: endseasonfear.jpg]

Based on Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi (1986), co-written by a man called Mr. Child. Lyrics, video Once upon a time Not so long ago Treguard used to work with an elf One he came to like And they got on well enough, enough "Genie" joined the dungeon one day Winding Treguard up, she calls his beard grey Right off, ooh the cuff She says, "You should stop sulking like babe in cot 'Cause it doesn't make a difference If you like me or not We've got contestants, and if they think this fun They're in for a shock Woah, the dungeon's there Wo-oah, givin' kids a scare Don't forget that they call this Knightmare Wo-oah, givin' kids a scare" Treguard got quite sickened himself "It's too deefeecult" His assistant won't shut up So gruff, ooh he's gruff Genie, she just won't go away When her words start to bite Tim Child whispers, "Treguard, it's OK, please stay We've got to hold on to what we've got 'Cause it doesn't make a difference If you like her or not We've got contestants, and they expect a lot We'll give them a shock Woah, the dungeon's there Wo-oah, givin' kids a scare Watchers too, for this is Knightmare Wo-oah, givin' kids a scare Givin' kids a scare They'd better tune in, ready or not We're living for Fridays: the best that we've got WOAH, the dungeon's there WO-OAH, givin' kids a scare Win or lose, this is always Knightmare WO-OAH, givin' kids a scare..." [x2]

Based on Say You, Say Me by Lionel Richie (1985). Official audio, lyrics Say "Ooh nasty" Say it with feeling That's the way it should be Say "Ooh nasty" Say it to losers Naturally There was a team There was an awful team Less 'walk in the park' And more 'stab in the dark' And as they played What a farce they made When they dropped into a pit One phrase just seemed to fit Say "Ooh nasty" Say it with anguish And throughout Series 3 Say "Ooh nasty" Say it with relish And with glee As teams go through The lonesome dungeon Seems the hardest thing to do Is get out of Level 2 Deadly mistakes Need more than "goodness sakes" So when I see they've lost the game Let me emphasise their shame You know how Say "Ooh nasty" Savour the catchphrase That's the way it should be Say "Ooh nasty" Whatever level 1 to 3 So you think you'll beat the dungeon, oh no Do you know directions, riddles, sidesteps and spelling too? Quite soon you could be leaving, oh yes So wallow in the pain Those words are here again Say "Ooh nasty" First as an ad lib Then quite regularly Say "Ooh nasty" Say it to children Shamelessly Tell them they've messed up Fatally

Here's my previous one; this one's about the winning quest in Series 4. Lyrics, music video; clip of quest win "Oh dear, what a pity, never mind" "You were never very good at manoeuvring, were you?" He's casting HOME, he's casting HOME, he's casting Merlin's casting HOME "It's humans nil and dungeon five" He's casting HOME, he's casting HOME, he's casting Merlin's casting HOME [x3] Everyone seemed to know the doors They'd seen it all before Every time, Series 4 Was Dickon gonna be any good? Make it through Dunkley Wood? But we saw that he could And we remember Four lads on a quest Rows of blades were gleaming Brother Mace distressed Hordriss had been scheming So many jokes, so many fears Of losing dungeoneers None had won for two years But then we saw the transporter floors And the pilloried fool Malice: left eye got sore And Dooreen's crying Dickon was the best Julian's successor 36 pre-quests Many teams were lesser "He's done it, master! Dickon has the Crown!" "I see you have a winner for us! Well, goodness gracious me." "Spellcasting: U-N-I-T-E" "What you have achieved is worth far more than any treasure." I know that was then, and the next time it's Ben He's casting HOME, he's casting HOME, he's casting Merlin's casting HOME [x2] "The dungeon salutes you. Spellcasting: H-O-M-E" He's casting HOME, he's casting HOME, he's casting Merlin's casting HOME... Four lads on a quest Ariadne crawling Got Gundrada stressed No misguided falling Four lads on a quest Skulls and boats were floating Boatman unimpressed Hordriss did some gloating Four lads on a quest Called Motley a headcase 'Cause he liked to jest Lied to Melly and Mace

Based on Atmosphere by Russ Abbot (1984). Original song, original lyrics Oh what a dungeoneer I said "Ooh nasty" to a hapless dungeoneer And he's no longer there 'Cause I dismissed him from the dungeon of Knightmare Well we're at the dungeon party And you're out there on a quest With your three friends here to guide you And you hope you'll be the best So get your body moving 'Cause the cup needs to be won Oh, there's a pit Don't step in it Sh** sh** sh** sh** Oh what a dungeoneer I said "Ooh nasty" to a hapless dungeoneer And he's no longer there 'Cause I dismissed him from the dungeon of Knightmare Oh oh oh what a dungeoneer I said "Ooh nasty" to a hapless dungeoneer He should've spellcast FLARE And got it from the wizard with the long white hair 69 teams altogether Quested through the dungeon lands As they journeyed down the levels I would sometimes lend a hand And I waited for my chair back So I'd not have to stand Oh, what a sesh Oh, cast REFRESH Twen-ty thir-teen Oh what's that hat on Fear?! It's halfway to the ceiling and it brings a tear It is no "Treguard stare" A papier-mâché beehive? Well it won't quite scare Oh oh oh there's an Ashens here I love a show revival with an Ashens here Watchers everywhere Can tune in (or sign in) for the cruel Knightmare...

Thank you. I hadn't settled on my festive song parody for this year until I happened to hear it on the radio.

Based on Maneater by Hall & Oates. Lyrics, video We saw her come out of glass And grab the magic staff Can it be true, a real pain in the... neck She's got a long name With sultans and moons, hearts and eyes and caravans It isn't to Treguard's glee That the elf's gone happy and free The woman is wild, a genie dressed in pyjamas with attitude Peace'll be shattered And when push comes to shove, old Cedric was not this rude Oh here she comes Watch out there she'll wind you up Oh here she comes She's a Majida Oh here she comes Watch out there she'll wind you up Oh here she comes She's a Majida Do dungeoneers think so too? She knows what they can't do "Too difficult", and then you need a sight spell 'cause she said Down by the fire The watchers are there but he talks to her instead...

Watching a team that's in 'losing status' and willing them to carry on so their mistake catches up with them. Based on Hold On by Wilson Phillips. Lyrics, video Oh no this team How have they got so far? It makes me scream Somehow they made it down to Level 2 I didn't think they knew how to tie a shoe But now they've made one big mistake And I really want... to see Them meet their fate Not long 'til Treguard's gonna come out with "Ooh nasty" and then cast DISMISS And oh how I hope that it's gonna be related to the thing you missed Dungeoneer Don't you know, card is marked You will meet your doom If you hold on for one more room Can you hold on for one more room? You will meet your doom Hold on for one more room You guys are screwed No matter how much you binge on food If you'd had half a brain, I'd be less unimpressed Advisors, you've made a mess out of your own quest Getting that riddle wrong was poor And the consequence awaits Beyond that door... Not long 'til Treguard's gonna come out with "Ooh nasty" and then cast DISMISS And oh how I hope that it's gonna be related to the thing you missed Dungeoneer Don't you know, card is marked You will meet your doom If you hold on for one more room Can you hold on for one more room? You will meet your doom Hold on for one more room Oh how you make me fume But you hold on for one more room and Meet your proper doom Yeah I know you make me fume But you hold on for one more room and you'll Meet your, your proper doom...

Based on ELO's 1977 hit Turn to Stone. This could only be about one team: Team 3 of Series 2. Lyrics, video My previous parody of an ELO song was Missed the Bluescreen. The year is 1988 And Knightmare's on TV With destiny we have a date There's no turning back Our dungeoneer's in Level 3 The deepest of the Dungeon Within a world he cannot see On the bluescreen We turn to stone Then we are gone We turn to stone Turn to stone Then we're going home We can't go on We kept away from cavernwights We took a crystal and a horn We used it on the wall, that's right Blowing blowing blowing The bearded wizard joined the room Gave us a spell called UNITAS And then a gargoyle chanted "Doom" On the bluescreen We turn to stone Then we are gone We turn to stone Turn to stone Then we're going home We can't go on Well we went on a quest and we all tried our quest And we got a long way but it wasn't our day Because Treguard revealed that we needed the shield And it made us ashamed and then stone we became The deadly face upon the wall Medusa in the hall Distracting from a floor that's cool Staring, staring, staring Without the shield, there's no defence We turn to stone, we turn to stone Against the girl and her split ends On the bluescreen...

Based on Eyes Without A Face by Billy Idol (1984). The title didn't need changing. Original lyrics, video I've gone down a hole One wrong sidestep did bring a fall Means I'm going home And my demise is shown By floating bits of bone Too easy to misguide And end the dungeon ride And leave me google eyed Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Rolling into space The eyes without a face I put so much bread Right into my knapsack To keep from turning back Didn't save my skin It flaked right off my sprite 'Cause you said "left" not "right" Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Rolling into space The eyes without a face Well you start with armour, you start your trip As you lose your life force it starts to strip Feed your face and go down a Level... 2, the dungeon gets cruel Hanging out in a throne room Hoping for a VIM spell sometime soon Savin' me from doo-oom I'm on a quest on the dungeoneering scene Eating random fruit, tryin' to stay green My skull's showing through (can't see it though) Bones are bare See them there On Knightmare Now I lose the eyes Through the void they fly Doom has no disguise Now all I can do Is let DISMISS come Wave goodbye to you But it's gone with the eyes It wouldn't work with pies Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Vert, ambre et rouge Eyes without a face Spinning into space The eyes without a face Life force gone to waste The eyes without a face A knapsack's not a purse

Without wanting to show any disrespect over recent news, sometimes in dark times there is a place for light relief. For those who feel the same, I thought I'd share this parody of Tubthumping by Chumbawamba (1997) about a dungeoneer from Series 7. Original song, lyrics He'll be talking 'Til he's winning He'll be talking I get shot down But I speak up again You're never gonna shut me up [x4] This is the Knightmare way This is the Knightmare way He drinks a Speedwell drink He drinks a Fireproof drink And a Fast Backwards drink But not a Freezer drink He collects a staff and he gives it to Grimaldine He gets a shield that reminds us of the Eyeshield Oh, Barry Thorne Barry Thorne Barry Thorne I get shot down But I speak up again You're never gonna shut me up [x4] This is the Knightmare way This is the Knightmare way He drinks a Speedwell brew He drinks a Fireproof brew And a Fast Backwards brew A drop of water too He sees a barmaid and uses a REVEAL spell He goes to Goth but the sewers have no real smell You're guiding me Little brother...

From the point of view of Richard, the last dungeoneer of Knightmare's first year. Based on Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four) by Eurythmics. Lyrics, music video Dedicated to Grimaldine Grimwold, big fan of Eurythmics and exquisite contributor to this forum. Time... Can I take on the dungeon With my eyes covered up? Couldn't face staying at home I know three friends who'll help me win Questtime, questtime 1987, 1987 And so I face the walls Turning back's against the rules Leave the fish, don't take the horn Mission of a dungeoneer Questtime, questtime questtime, questtime 1987, 1987 I'll blow the bricks down then I've won Need a big hole in the wall Dagger's useless, I can't win Questtime, questtime 1987, 1987 1987, 1987 Green n' green n' green n' green n' amber, red, no health Green n' green n' green n' green n' amber, red, no health 1987, 1987 1987... 1994

An advisor and a dungeoneer, Davy. Based on All Right Now by Free (1970). Lyrics, official audio There he stood on the set Helmet on his head, don't forget He said, "Hey, where am I? Now maybe, maybe I'm in need of a pie" I said, "No: life force green, Davy Nothing going on in this scene Now shall we head to Level Three? Let's move before they change the Chromakey" Hall right now Davy, it's a hall right now Hall right now Davy, it's a hall right now I looked around for a door Watching, I saw movement: the floor He said, "Look, is this game 'bladey'? Am I gonna end up quite maimed?" I said, "No, don't be aghast Floor's unstable. Left now, fast" He stepped left... in a pit Now I've dropped a friend into [bleep] Fall right now Fatal little fall right now Fall right now Fatal little fall right now...