They would never say...
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It's http://havetstorm.tripod.com/knightmare/index.html, Bob.
And yes please. Anyone who can send me some articles of the type that Emii's suggesting here, I'll be delighted. They'd be absolutely perfect for my site.
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Motley: 'Hello, Sylvester Hands.'
Sidriss: 'Greystagg. We meet at last.'
Merlin: 'Mogdred, a word in your ear...'
Elita: 'You know, Pixel, you're really annoying!'
Brother Mace: 'Ah, Gatemaster. May I introduce myself?'
Gwendoline: 'Why have you kidnapped me, Aesandre? Answer me!'
Lord Fear: 'No, Sir Hugh, I don't need rescuing.'
Blocker: 'Please enter your PIN.'
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Okay, I've added the transcript to my page. It's in the Just For Laughs section at http://havetstorm.tripod.com/knightmare/index.html
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[Treguard enters the antechamber at the beginning of Series 7.]
Treguard: 'Pickle? Pickle? Where has that elf got to?'
Pickle: [running in] 'Here, Master.'
Treguard: 'Ah. I thought you'd run away to the Green Wood after that argument we had. I regret some of what I said, you know.'
Pickle: 'No problem, Master. I enjoy the quests too much to leave. I hope to stay here for another two years at least, and maybe even come back in virtual form a few years from now.'
Treguard: 'Most acceptable, Pickle. Look: someone's left a bottle on the table.'
Pickle: 'It wasn't me, Master. I expect it's just rubbish. I'll chuck it into the Sewers of Goth the first chance I get.'
Treguard: 'Excellent.'
-
A dungeoneer enters clue room... On the table is a gem, a pie, an hourglass and a bone: (Series 3 Team 12)
James: First of all pick up the food
Chris: Stuff this I'll take everything
(DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE FRIGHTKNIGHT?)
Oh we've hit eleven pages on this topic!!!
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Yes I did Motley!
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Motley: 'Did you get my message, Frightknight?'
Frightknight: 'Yes I did, Motley'
Now there is an exchange which would never happen on Knightmare!
Moving on...
Dooris: 'The Odyssey was written before the Iliad. True or false?'
Adviser #1: 'I think it's true. Definitely true.'
Adviser #3: 'You sure?'
Adviser #1: 'Yeah, cos...'
Adviser #2: 'Perhaps it's false.'
[Treguard coughs]
Adviser #3: 'Yes, maybe it's false.'
[Treguard coughs]
Advisers: 'OK, let's go with false.'
Pickle: 'Would you like a cough sweet, Master?'
Treguard: [snaps] 'No, Pickle! And I told you, it's an allergic reaction to the dust in the antechamber!'
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Treguard: 'You know, Majida, you claim to be a genie, but you've never granted me any wishes.'
Majida: 'OK, OK. Three wishes you have. Take some time to think abou-'
[Pickle appears in the antechamber; Majida disappears and reappears in the Corridor of Blades; Hordriss appears in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans, and dances.]
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Majida: He is too easy, this is not hard enough
All look at her in shock
Majida: Well I had to learn proper English sooner or later you know
Dungeoneer is adventuring when suddenly they see a strange group
Advisors: Ok it appears to be a Dwarf, an Elf, a wizard, 2 men and some hobbits.
Goblin horn sounds
Gandalf: Quick we must flee from the goblins
Dungeoneer: That is the way to level 2 though!
Goblins chase fellowship and dungeoneer over Moria, Gandalf is attacked by Balrog and falls down bridge as Skarkill watches
Skarkill: Lovely!
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Dreadnought [approaching Dungeoneer]: 'Going a trifle fast, weren't we, madam? Blow into this... OK, you're clear. You may pass; but if I catch you again, I'll take points off your license; maybe three, perhaps six...'
Mellisandre and Motley go into a restaurant. Mogdred, the maitre d', shows them to a table.]
Mogdred: As for you who dine: Look upon menus! Look upon menus, and quail!
Motley: Why?
Mogdred: I meant, I recommend the quail a l'orange, or as a vegetarian option, the spaghetti napolitana.
[Shortly, a waiter comes over. It is Ross, the Series 3 Dungeoneer whose quest had been to find Mellisandre.]
Ross: May I take your orders?
Mellisandre: Curry, Ross, curry!
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Skarkill Catches A Dungoneer.
Skarkill: "RIGHT GOTCH YER. Skarkills caught yer hasn't he.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....BEAUTIFUL"
Dungeoneer: Errr. Don't You Mean LOVELY.
Skarkill: Naar Got Tired of That Thought I'd Try Someret different.
Dungoneer: You Sound Like Bernerd Matthews.
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Treguard: Welcome watchers, to Dungeon Wars! Where we get two geeky kids from weird locations to slog it out guided by advisors. Now lets see that metal cough I mean flesh, Fly!
Dungeoneers begin to fight
Advisors: Ok punch left, bit more ok now!
Treguard: Who cares if we rip off Robot Wars, no one is watching anymore!
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(1995)
Treguard: Ah, greetings, dear travellers. Welcome to another season of Knightm-
(Council worker enters): Stop!
Treguard: Sorry, what?
Council worker: You haven't paid any rent on this place for the past 9 years.
Treguard: But-
Council worker: So we've decided to knock this place down.
Treguard: But-
Council worker: You'd better get a move on. The new tenant will be here any minute.
Treguard: I knew I shouldn't have left Majida to do the paperwork.
(New tenant enters. He wears a mullet)
Pat Sharp: I have great plans for this place!
Treguard: You? Nooooo!
(By the way, I'm fully aware of the overlapping timelines of KM and Fun house. I just choose to ignore them)
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(Documentary about KM)
Interviewer: So, Hugo. It must have been quite an experience pretending to be a 'Dungeon Master'.
Treguard: Hu-go? Who is this 'Hu-go'? I'm Treguard, conqueror of this dungeon and on the side of the Powers That Be.
Interviewer: Yes, but it was only a TV show.
Treguard: T...V? Is that some kind of technomagic that only Lord Fear has?
Interviewer: Hugo, are you alright?
Treguard: I keep telling you, only Treguard (that is my good self) lives here.
Interviewer: How long have you been here, anyway?
Treguard: I've been waiting for nine years for the next dungeoneer. They must have got lost. Yes, that must be it.
Interviewer: I'll be leaving now, Hugo.
Treguard: If you keep calling me that, I'll put you in the corridor of blades.
Interviewer: What, a blue screen with computer-generated imagery?
Treguard: What on earth are you talking about?
Interviewer: Look Hugo. This is a studio, or 'set' made to look like a dungeon. It isn't a real dungeon. You are deluding yourself!
Treguard: I don't know who you are talking to, but my name isn't Hugo..
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