Sigh

How could I have forgotten Geoffrey of Monmouth? The Writer of the most comically inaccurate history of Britain ever.....

Not to mention Mary Stewart....

Now I really am stuck for more!

Hello everyone,

First off, sorry for not posting here so very often I love to read, but I try to restrict posting to the Surrounds forum to prevent too much procrastination during essay time!

However, I have a favour to ask...

I'm an English student and I'm thinking of doing a thesis on Representations of Merlin in English Literature... I've specified English to avoid having to learn too much Medieval French and Latin, which is quite a relief!

Obviously this is going to involve a lot of Mallory, Spenser and Tennyson, but I'd really appreciate people to point me towards some of Merlin's appearences in other, perhaps lesser known books. I've already thought of 'The Once and Future King' with its rather famous first book 'The Sword in the Stone', but any other incarnations would be very helpful indeed!

I'm sure this will also embarrass me with an obvious one that I've failed to mention, but I'm writing this at 1.30am so I blame tiredness if I've ignored a major work of literature in which he appears!

I know this isn't strictly Knightmare discussion, but I fear not many will see it if I put it on the Back-up...

Thanks everyone!

(Oh dear, you should not have opened up the Gilbert and Sullivan vein....)

LORD FEAR: HOW DARE YOU HANDS!!!! You would question my abilities, ME, LORD FEAR, the maaan, the big stinking cheese of evil?

HANDS: But, well... your lordship... thing is... you've never actually caught one of those dungeon-thingies yourself....

SKARKILL: Yeah, your Fearship... err, Lordship, we all 'ave, and we think you don't appreciate what it's like...

LISSARD: Yesssnessss, itsssss not fairnesssss

LORD FEAR: IMBECILES! You don't seem to realise that I, Lord Fear, am a strategist. Whilst you lot traipse around the dungeon, I am here... planning...

MALDAME: That's all very well, but what do you actually know? Hidden away in your fortress all day, which incidently you stole from me.....

LORD FEAR: Know madam? Why everthing..... you might almost say.... I am the very model of a modern Techno-sorcerer....

(Music starts playing, Skarkill on bass chorus, Hands on Tenor chorus, Lissard on Alto chorus, Maldame on soprano chorus... LF steps to the front)

HANDS: 'Ere, 'e isn't going to sing is he?

LORD FEAR: Why, yes I am!

I.... am the very model of a modern Techo-Sorcerer,

I've information magical both technical and coarser-er,

I know the rules of Knightmare, and I quote the loopholes therein found,

From freezing all the dungeon plane to smashing troll kings through the ground.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters necromantical,

I understand enchantments, both the symbol and the canticle,

About my monster theorem I'll illuminate a lot of sights,

With many evil facts about the filthy lairs of cavernwights.

ALL:

With many evil facts about the filthy lairs of cavernwights

With many evil facts about the filthy lairs of cavernwights

With many evil facts about the filthy lairs of cavern- cavern-wights.

LORD FEAR:

I'm very good at setting all the inter-level warding-glyphs;

I know the ancient writings and the Mogdred-Merlin conflict myths:

In short, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

I am the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

ALL:

In short, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

He is the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

LORD FEAR:

I know our dungeon's founding in the dark days of the Gruagach

I spy on all the dungeoneers and chase them with my great panache

I roast them all with fireballs and I chase them with my evil stare,

I even love to dress as Strange and catch them when they're unaware;

I can tell powerless poser from a mighty-shielded PALADIN,

I hire the dark assasins from the ancient court of Saladin,

I used the mighty flaming rage of schizophrenic Bhel-Shabah,

But I admit that crashing dragon left me with a nasty scar.

ALL:

But he admits that crashing dragon left him with a nasty scar.

But he admits that crashing dragon left him with a nasty scar.

But he admits that crashing dragon left him with a nasty scar.

LORD FEAR:

Then I can write a dungeon scroll in senseless baffling riddle-form,

And tell you ev'ry detail of a polished Frightknight's uniform:

In short, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

I am the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

ALL:

In short, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

He is the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

LORD FEAR:

In fact, when I know what's the threat from Heggaty and Majida,

When I can tell at once a pooka's wail from that of Elita,

When such affairs as meetings with my henchmen I'm more wary at,

And when I know in Mills of Doom who made that polyhedral bat,

When I have learnt what progress has been made in pools veracity,

When I know more of Treguard's power lock up in words 'Oh Nas-i-ty'--

In short, when I'm applauded for my evil by the world at large,

You'll say a better Techno-sorcerer has never been in charge.

ALL:

You'll say a better Techno-sorcerer has never been in charge.

You'll say a better Techno-sorcerer has never been in charge.

You'll say a better Techno-sorcerer has never been in charge.

LORD FEAR:

For my occult-laden knowledge, though I'm vicious and adventury,

Has only been brought down to my last cry on network ITV;

But still, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

I am the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

ALL:

But still, in matters magical both technical and coarser-er,

I am the very model of a modern Techo-sorcerer.

(Long embarrassed pause as they all realise what they've done)

LORD FEAR: All right, not a word! I don't want this getting out.....

(Far away, Treguard watches on his spyglass, and laughs)

Sounds more like a set-phrase to me, one of those standard epic constructions like 'wine-dark sea'...

Hmmmm, could be?

Could a classicist confirm this?

Well I never said that they needed permission, only that the person summoned might not be too willing to help them win the dungeon like WW was suggesting....

I'm surprised if Greystagg helped them, not having ever seen her episodes as that series is waiting taped at home for my later delectation!

I'm certain they could, and all but Barry might get a response...

But....

Just because you've called them doesn't indicate that they need to help, most calling names were given out in return for favours, after all, Maldame made it very clear that summoned wizards didn't need to be friendly:

'If you call on me, I shall shrivel you like a dried toad's skin! HA!!!'

Charming woman....

Wouldn't be AT ALL surprised if the script-writers had used bits from Tolkein, being the icon of fantasy that it is, whether consciously or not...

However, it's a fairly standard statement for the dungeon, and bear in mind that they had to find a line that rhymed (almost!) and scanned with 'Four from somewhere take the path'...

Ooooo, lets not get back into the debate of 'was Lillith a vampire or a goddess' or whatever....

Yes, well Morghanna (never did have the Le Fay bit in Knightmare) is as much Morgan as Mogdred is Mordred, the legendary characters changed so much in the different versions of the legend that pretty much anything can be done with them...

For instance, in some versions Morgan is the mother of Mordred, in other's it is her sister Morgeuse, in others it is their other sister Elaine... In some all are sorceresses, in some they all borrow their magic... erk!

And for heaven's sake don't worry about spelling, for Merlin we have Merlyn, Merlion, Marlain.... translation tended to mess things up... Guinevere has the wonderfully attractive name Wenewer in one version I've seen, and worse!

On the basis of our own dear Morghanna she seems much more the classic evil sorceress, in the Morgan le Fay mold before she got remorseful and took the wounded Arthur off to Avalon....

Oh I'm not suggesting that clerics didn't research dark magic, magic and alchemy and science were so closely linked in philosophy that it was only the clerics, with their literacy and libraries, that could research it...

I was only saying that it wasn't an orthodox practice, unless you count the odd exorcism....

Certainly it seemed that normally you could cast a spell once and once only...

However, dispelling was a bit different...

Two cases from Series 3...

1. The team that first reached level 3 dispelled SWORD a grand total of three times, once the one that they had been given, then twice to dispell Mogdred's magical sword...

2. The second team to reach level 3 managed to dispell Mogdred's TOAD spell on McGrew without ever having possesed the spell or even having heard it spelled out...

So....

I propose that any dungeoneer who has seen a spell cast and knows (or can guess) its name can also dispell it, but that this isn't common knowledge or usually the spell attacks too quickly for them to dispell....

Hmmmm....

Oh, and for the record, my favourite spell is definitely FILLET, as being the only spell to my knowledge that had to be made from ingredients like good old fashioned magic... I suppose the more complicated the concept the harder the spell to make...

Certainly there were a lot, as well as quite a few dabblers: Rothberry for one, and the jesters seemed to have quite a lot of magic for entertainers! Then again, the dungeon is a magical place, it probably attracts sourcerous types, looking for its power...

Oh, and if you believe the old French Vulgate or Mallory, Morgan le Fay learnt her magic in the nunnery she was sent to after her mother married Uther, Arthur's father!

I'm sure that dark sorcery wasn't on the standard nun's duties....

'Pickle....' Treguard admonished the elf only slightly.

'The Firelords may be no friends of ours, but no death should be taken lightly. In any case, we have never been in direct conflict with Tellemachi's people, wheras Aesandre allied herself with our greatest enemy.'

Tellemachi smirked slightly, even as he balks at the memory, but Pickle detected the tone of his master's voice. Treguard was saying this more to convince himself than Pickle.

'So much simpler when the villains wore skulls' muttered Treguard to himself

Why is it that Lillith has the power to conjure magical causeways, but not hair brushes or humbugs?

Who ordained any of the monks, and why? I don't imagine their eccelsiastical interviews would have gone that well:

Bishop: And finally, brothers, what is the central tenet of faith?

Cedric: CLOBBER ALL THE DOGSBOTTOMS!

Mace: hic I-I-I...'m shorrry, bish, what was that?

Strange: Many trees grow over the sleeping river, but only the butterfly laughs at dawn....

How did certain things get past the censors on a children's programme? Namely:

The 'Uppers' pills

Marta

Skarkill's chains fetish

The Reach wand (maybe that last one is just me being an English student and spotting phallic symbols but... oo-er)

A guide to frequent posting by me, sorry guys, have been reading them really

The Alexander technique: A guide to clear, calm self-expression and fully comprehensible projection by Heggaty and Ah Wok

Why I just love Lord Fear by Greystagg

Why we just love Lord-Fear by the Talkknightmare community (Purely here for the parallelism, not raking it up!)

A few based on 'Surrounds' characters:

Why I've never borrowed any phrases from a certain TV show by Tom Troughton

Why I've never borrowed any swordfighting sequences from a certain film trilogy by Lord Fear

The Pegathor Cookbook, ten easy recipes by Ursula

Five steps to a direct and concise writing style by Skiprazor (Don't get me wrong, I like it!)

Why ordinary, human characters are so much fun to play By me (Hordriss/Visage/Zeriphel)

Ridolpho: The worst character ever by Dimension Girl

And, just because the characters established here will be feeling left out....

Why surreal one-liners are just so passé by Semtex Jack

Child care for the concerned adult by Skarkill

Why we've never borrowed any castles from popular spoofs on Arthurian legend that in any case bear a disturbing resemblance to the rather more farcical scenes in our favourite show by Semtex Jack, Mellisandranoff and all of the revellers.

Fair enough... Hordriss, you win again

The connosiers guide to Estruscan Brandy by Brother Mace

Why Changing one letter of your name from famous Arthurian Characters isn't going to fool anyone by Mogdred and Morghanna

Why Malory doesn't turn in his grave when he sees how I've changed since the 4th century by Merlin

How to gently repel unwanted advances by Gwendoline

The importance of knowing the answer to questions before you ask them by Mellisaundre and the Brollachan

How green was my fireball: A guide to why changing the colour of magic makes it so much more exciting by Grimaldine

Sparkling Conversation gambits by the Gatekeeper

Thanks guys! Should have another one up soon, although it may be similarly ancient, I'm afraid my musical tastes stop somewhere in the 60s!

Oh it's not that bad....

After all, its fairly standard nowadays for an actor/actress to do at least one scene like...

Moving on....

Our romantic fireside Chats by the Grimwolds

Controlling your romantic impulses towards dangerous women by Motley

Controlling your romantic impulses towards overgrown schoolgirls in nighties by Motley

Controlling your urge to do silly dances on national television by Motley

Controlling the Urge to make lots of jokes about jesters who've done you no harm by Visage

They're just books you know by Callimpsest of the KMBS (I mean, necrophilia?)

Planning your happy Home by Merlin, Chapter one: How having a huge hole in your floor tends to deter visitors

Ten steps to infallible latin by Hordriss (back me up here Drassil!)

Mastery of Card Tricks by Brother Mace

Repetitive catch-phrases and how to avoid them by Sylvester Hands

Repetitive situations and how to avoid them by the keeper of the key to those stocks.

Red mage of my dreams a torrid Mills and Boon book by Marta

Far, far too long Thanatos!

Guess what, I'm essay crisising at the moment, so my brain is hyperactive!

Looking at my week ahead there may be encores coming up....

OK, just realised that not many people will recognise 'You're the Top', Cole Porter not exactly being in his hey day.....

So, for those of you foolish enough not to have gone to see Anything Goes (fantastic!) Here's a link where you can here most of the main tune of the original, so you'll see how the rhymes work!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000002WBK/qid=1078352851/sr=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/104-4393005-9258330

Oh, and buy the CD while you're at at! That way I won't feel guilty about this!

Sidriss: Brother Strange, why are you always writing that book of proverbs?

Strange: Well, to be honest....

Sidriss: Yes?

Strange: Falls to his knees I've loved you for so long Sidriss, but I haven't found the words to describe it, so I've been collecting the words of others to use on you...

Sidriss: But surely you can think of something to say...?

Strange: Oh no, you see.....

At words poetic, I'm so pathetic that I usually find it good

Instead of shouting through Dunkley Wood,

To keep them stood, in my hood,

I write my book and don't dare to look

At your face shining like a star!

But if this ditty is not so pretty

At least it'll tell you how knice you are!

You're the top!

You're the Grimwolds' oven

You're the top!

You're the witches coven

You're the nighly view of the lovely sewers of Goth,

You're a LANTERN spell, a level well,

You're Mildread's broth!

In my arms, you're no lonely heart-er

You've more "charms", than the winsome Marta,

I'm a hopeless monk, a total flunk, a flop!

But if baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

Sidriss:

Your proverb book now is worth a look

Because there in the lines I see

A little love poem there for me

And smile with glee, winsomely!

Don't think I'm drunk now, Mr Monk now,

I'm perfectly in control

Now come now Strange, I'm not deranged

In fact I find you rather droll!

You're the top!

You're Hord's medallion!

You're the top!

You're Sir Hugh's stallion!

You're the sparkling turns of Motley's repartee!

You're a Risky potion, a troll commotion

You're Series 3!

You're the time, of temp'ral disruption

You're the whine, of Pickle's interruption.

I'm a dippy mage, just at the stage to drop!

But if Baby I'm the bottom, You're the top!

Dance Sequence

Strange:

You're the top!

You're Lord Fear's Fireball!

Sidriss:

You're the top!

You're the Gruagach's eyeball!

Strange:

You're the gentle laugh in the wise words 'Oh Nasteee'

Sidriss:

You're Skarkill's irons, you're Dooris' sighing's

Strange:

You're ITV!

Sidriss:

You're a wall, moving in for battle,

Strange:

You're a fall, from the Block-and-Tackle

Both:

And even if KM is due to stop!

Still if baby I'm the Bottom......... You're the toooooop!

Jazz hands...