Musical Parody

Based on How Bizarre by OMC (1996). Official music video (with original lyrics as subtitles) Brother Strange is in the tunnel, to Richard Howse he says "I beg no proverbs from you in this dire, dire place" Later a red dragon threatens from behind Large head looming, there's no escape to find Treguard speaks words of warning, Majida just frets some more Dragon asks himself, "The only question ... cooked or raw?" Bhal-Shebah Bhal-Shebah, Bhal-Shebah Quest in action anew, Daniel picks up a spyglass A deadly pasty poser reveals a smile from the past Bhal and Shebah on the screen, red as red can be Lissard speaks "Lordness?" and is given the wordkey Bhal-Shebah Bhal-Shebah, Bhal-Shebah Ooh Treguard Cooked dungeoneers stay charred (and then that's their day marred) Every time some food is found And the life force pie goes round And it makes that dinging sound I miss the face Technomancer's stressed out and asks, "Do you understand?" Shebah does, Bhal doesn't, Bhal thinks Shebah's underhand Lord Fear's had enough of them, and gives them both the sack As guards, then speaks to Lissard about bribing Snapper-Jack Later, Smirkenorff we see. Same prop, different shade Thank you to Mark Cordory: the dragon head he made Bhal-Shebah got brainwashed, now he's Firestorm Wanna know the rest? Hey, find Linghorm Ooh Treguard You make the gameplay hard (and was Maldame scarred?) Every time some food is found And the life force pie goes round And it makes that dinging sound I miss the face...

About Series 2 Quest 5, which ended for the lack of a glove. Based on Love Shack by the B-52's (1989). With a nod to The Simpsons' parody Glove Slap. Video; Original lyrics If the year is '88 inside Treguard's abode, he says "Fifth team died through a glove lack!" Glove lack yeah We're heading down into Mildread's wellway Looking for a tum getaway Friday'd be a much better day I got to Olgarth, after I spun the wheel And we headed off out with the bats' wings I got past the chessboard, I could be a winner I'll hurry up and grab my chicken dinner The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, baby glove lack Glove lack, baby glove lack Veiled face (woo!), listen for clues A glove, scroll and a so-o-oap block Well she said not soap in the riddle of her speech But the soap we don't lack and there's no turning back Met a faded Merlin Met the Automatum Met the catacombite Met the face of Mogdred The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, no turning back Glove lack, no turning back Now we're reminiscing, Level One we're missing Met Mildread and Gretel which is hardly a coven The wheel was spinning, the dungeon rooms were moving Around and around and around and around If you're bad at choosing, your team will be losing baby Needed a glove for the catacombite If you're bad at choosing, your team will be losing baby Thought it would attack Thought it would attack Mogdred says hi and he's as big as he's pale And he will make you all quail I got me a scroll, was told not to read it I wonder exactly why I need it The glove lack in a Level Two place means We will play forever Glove lack baby (a glove lack baby) Glove lack, baby glove lack Glove lack, baby glove lack (oh baby no turning back) Welcome to one of my playpens Not an actual playpen Tony Welcome to one of my playpens Play forever Playpen! There's no doors Tony Playpen! There's no doors Playpen! There's no doors Tony Playpen You're what? Dismissed (Ooh) nasty! Glove lack, baby glove lack...

Grimwold the ogre sings about his determination to keep doing what he does. Based on Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan (2020). Official audio I heard they wanted me to slay 'Cause before we had the Automatum, but he didn't stay So I moved into this special place Where boys and girls can go on quests with a flaking face I'm having wicked dreams Of chasing dungeon teams And biting heads off hounds I swear they're taunting me Won't make the maiden proud It's gonna cause a scene She hears an ogre growl I know she's gonna scream "Oh, why can't you shun All the young dungeoneers Up here on Level One?" Oh Melly I'm just having fun As I rage for my meals It's where I belong Here with my Big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club I'm up in the Great Corridor Simon's in a hurry and he's headed for the door He might have escaped into the Vale I switch between shorts and trousers but I cannot fail I thank my wicked dreams Of chasing dungeon teams Oh no an angry elf So rude, I have to flee Won't make the missus proud It's gonna cause a scene She'll see me sloping home I know she's gonna scream "Oi, what 'ave you done? You're a bleedin' great lump Where the 'ell is your club?" Oh darling My time isn't done I need three quests to heal Then I'll be along, back with my Big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club I think that Kelly's in a bind There's no way off Level One I menace from behind So Mr. Grimwold wins the day And I can hear a wifely drawl a dungeon room away, saying "Oh Grimmy, well done Rub my big phony nose As you brandish your club" Oh darling This time it was fun And I'm setting the scene For Fatilla the Hun, here with my Big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing in the quests 'cause I should I'm gonna keep advancing with my big phony club, big phony club I'm gonna keep advancing I'm gonna keep advancing

From the point of view of the Series 2 Quest 4 advisors, a parody of Set You Free by N-Trance (1993). Official video On Knightmare When we meet a maiden 'Queen of Hearts' she quotes wrongly And she's trapped on a lower level Only Mark can collect up FREE When we quake at Mogdred And the SUN shines patchily And we're near to unlocking Gretel Only Mark can collect up FREE Collect up FREE (x4) On Knightmare When we trust each other To the end of Level 3 Want our knight to get four letters Only Mark can collect up FREE Collect up FREE (x4) O-o-o-on Knightmare, on Knightmare On Knightmare, on Knightmare...

This is my 252nd consecutive month of posting on this forum. To expand on something I posted in my 2nd month – A Dungeoneer has died. Treguard is about to send the Team on its way, when a squad of cheerleaders (including Mellisandre, Gretel, Elita and Velda) cartwheel in and begin to chant: 'Oh dear you have lost the quest Time to go back to Skegness Gimme a D! ... – here's a parody of HOT TO GO! by Chappell Roan (2023). Official music video (includes subtitles) Dungeon's where are you are, questing with conviction Helmet on your head in a realm of fiction I don't write the quests but I make up ditties Maybe shame you too if your end's not pretty It's the challenge so few beat And then post-mortems fall to me I use a tried and tested oratory When I'm sending a team off, sending a team off D-I-S-M-I-S-S Seven letters to express That your end's a fatal mess Didn't quite achieve success D-I-S-M-I-S-S Makes the Dungeon four folk less Spells out your unhappiness D-I-S-M-I-S-S D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest Well life force went to red and there'll be no healing Eyeballs rolled away, skin is long past peeling Sprites of energy don't do healthy fasting Nothing more for you except my spellcasting And in the Dungeon of Deceit The cul-de-sac's a one-way street No win for most of the sixty-nine teams And then I magic them outside, magic them outside D-I-S-M-I-S-S Seven letters to express That your end's a fatal mess Didn't quite achieve success D-I-S-M-I-S-S Makes the Dungeon four folk less Spells out your unhappiness D-I-S-M-I-S-S D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest Maybe you fell off a causeway In a pit or an abyss Maybe it was blunt force trauma Time is up, now for DISMISS Maybe it was the Medusa Or a blocker if you're Chris Either way your quest is scuppered Series 6: no more DISMISS D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest D-I-S-M-I-S-S Off you go, you lost the quest Ooh, I miss DISMISS Shall we bring it back for Geek Week? Wait, I have to say the word? After I spelled it? What's that about?

Based on the Oasis song Don't Look Back in Anger (1996) from their album (What's the Story) Morning Glory?. Not to be confused with their concept album about Series 3 Team 4 on Level 3: (What's the Story) Mogdred GLORY. Official video Staring at the life force as pie Do you ask yourself why They never kept the face? Knapsacks were once just for food And nothing else should intrude Oh it's a disgrace Now the teams come running in, I'm in a rage Why does Treguard ask each dungeoneer their age? No more Rowe, just CGI for rooms Treguard beside the fireplace Looks Majida in the face Watchers spurned behind a burning hearth now And so Knightmare can grate Why'd they animate A spellbook? What a state It may make you hate But don't look back in anger At Series 8 Why do teams leave via the woods? Don't know if they should Is it night or day? Treguard does weird stuff with his hands Why's he wrecking his brand? Majida, must you stay? They tried to start an evolution with Reach wand How I wish a team would smash it and abscond Skip your way through blades past Level 2 Stand up: no seats, no not a trace Lord Fear's helmet has a face And we ain't ever gonna turn the clock back And so Maldame waits Amid all the traits That make this year not great It may aggravate But don't look back in anger At Series 8 So Smirkenorff sits He's stuck in a pit As we watch, we deflate You may feel irate But don't look back in anger At Series 8 So much irritates And three decades late I sit here and berate But don't imitate No don't look back in anger, don't look back in anger At Series 8 Or Knightmare's fate

Nathan from Series 8 waxes lyrical about his time as a dungeoneer... Pretend it's Level 3 when it's actually Level 2 It isn't very creative to do Maybe you'll find sewers and tunnels without an end Whenever you pretend Remember even Tim can dream And nothing's as mad as it may seem The little items you haven't got could be a lot if you pretend You'll find a quest object you can share One amber globe you can leave when on your own Just pressure Maldame and she'll be there You'll never be all alone And if you get to Level 3 You'll be pretending just like me The cup is mine it can be yours my friend So why don't you pretend

Some opportunities only come along every ten years. Based on Living Next Door To Alice by Smokie (1976, 1995). Official video, Original lyrics Ali called when he found the gem There was a pact between them And Malice Well she rushed to the chamber, purple light outside Gave them a spell, which remained untried As the circular saws rolled up while Malice survived [Chorus] Oh, I don't know where she's lurking Or where she's gonna go They cast Samantha Perkins And they named her like a foe And for thirty-four years I've been living in awe of Malice Thirty-four years Of watching her impress And she must know Morghanna 'Cause she's in Morghanna's dress And by now I am used to it: Seeing it worn by Malice She was up to something dressed down as a crone Offered the Eyeshield to Simon, a loan Him and Malice And when Dickon she saw, giant head held high They spellcast FIRE and hurt her eye And the big sorceress was lowly: they took Malice's drive [Chorus] Then Malice came back for Jeremy's quest And she said she had a request: A silver chalice Mogdred and Malice were gone. Instead: Lord Fear But I'm still grateful these thirty-four years That with four dungeoneers she appeared [Chorus]

From time to time, I get a strange sensation beneath my finger and realise that it's on the pulse. This parody is based on the UK's Eurovision 2024 entry, Dizzy by Olly Alexander. Official video (you'll see why it inspired this parody) There's a place where my sight's confined My view's a circle redefined Clue rooms with guardians, infernal powers There's a wellway, I go down there Won't you make me dizzy (no DISMISSes)? Put me on a disc and spin me Round and round until I'm guided by my friends? Make me dizzy on a Friday 'Til I jump into a doorway And I'm in a room or tunnel again Dungeoneer's Ross, there's a maid's head in the air Time has frozen, all motion is paused [Chorus] Above is a moon, above are the stars It isn't too bad to get this far...

This is about Quest 6 of Series 6 (1992). A parody of The Closing Of The Year (also 1992), credited to The Musical Cast of Toys, featuring Wendy & Lisa and Seal. Original lyrics If you can't bring Lillith combing Then at least don't bring her soap And no rings for Sylvester When he's got a magic rope We all must build on Ben's good fortune With our next young dungeoneer Whose adventure shan't be hindered By the posing of Lord Fear Let's have no early dismissal In the questing of Sophia In comes the kid with an "Enter, stranger" Ride through the realm on a wyrm in the air Silver bag on a clue room table As they race from the castle of Knightmare No more hand paintings of dungeons Though Mount Fear is David Rowe There's not a single spell for casting Magic rings make up for this One turns children into vast things And the other's for Hordriss There is an elf, and when they meet her Her insults do not endear But it's backlash for Elita With a roasting from Sophia She beat Level One Though she'd been profane And rode with Ridolfo Part of the way When Hordriss returned The questioning came Then more Elita Who played on the Pipes of Pan Watch for the blades in the walls Don't fall Or you won't confront Lord Fear Or it's curtains, dungeoneer Now it's over for Sophia If you cannot beat the dungeon Then you might make Pickle mope

This works brilliantly. The chorus made me do a proper LOL. (I would love to hear Martin H record this one for the podcast!)

Based on Together We'll Be OK sung by Cannon and Ball. It's about Team 4 of Series 2, the first winners. Official audio, lyrics Dungeoneer Mark, he's going in And there's a Wheel of Fate to spin Soon we assume, "You're in a room" The quest is underway You gotta turn to the left, step to the right And get out quick when fuses light Mark and his three, watchers will see Together they'll do OK Unblock the door, step on a heart Talk to a maid of toads and tarts Answer the wall, show you're not fools For bell and gold today You've got to wake with the bell, go down the well See Merlin for a FREEZER spell Leave Level 2, there's more to do Together the four can win Quest on Mark and Lift up the mood that the gargoyle's in Quest on Mark and tell Mogdred the answer's no (answer's no) Follow the path, when you've cast SUN A sleepy dragon, almost done You've got a chopper to flee, then you cast FREE It isn't hard to do And though HEROES occurs, the team are not Sirs But they are squires: check those spurs Mark and his three, watchers did see Together they won their way Together they won their way Together they won their way

A brilliant achievement and one I hope will be replicated over the next 20 and beyond. In gratitude for this comment, and to mark this month's 60th anniversary of the release of Gerry & The Pacemakers' recording of You'll Never Walk Alone, here is my rewrite of it. It's about Team 11 of Series 3. Official video When you quest through the realm Leave the ogre's pie And don't stay and wade with the shark You're a ghost in a helm There's a scared armoured guy Not a Grimwold and Festus's bark Quest on down the well Quest on through the doors 'Til your team's at Merlin's throne Quest on, quest on With hope in your Mart- -in until you talk with Owen And beetles are unknown Quest on, quest on Until there's Morgha- -nna and Level 3 is blown And Treguard sends you home

So I did this: https://youtu.be/sjWBFYJ6Dbg I'm pleased with how this one turned out. I'm assuming I'm still okay to put it in the podcast? You'll get full credit, obviously

Based on She's Always A Woman by Billy Joel (1977). Lyrics, audio She can vex Hugo Myatt and antagonise She can never keep quiet on wherefores and whys And she thinks dungeoneers should be able to see She's Jackie Sawiris But always Majida to me She enjoys throwing knives and invisible cloaking She'll take risks with a jester but not if he's joking She has magic to give out to reach Level 3 Where she steals like a thief Joanne Heywood's Stiletta to me Medusa's bad for your health She can stone a whole team She's a head intro crime Gundrada never gets on And she never gets off Though ADORE spells are binds She avoids falling off from the back of a dragon She's remorselessly cutting from castle to cavern But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be Stephanie Hesp is the elf And she's always Elita to me Velda's another loud elf She can shoot who she wants She's tied up half the time Aesandre gets frozen up And she'll get frozen out Not sure if she's aligned She was only seen twice and was suddenly cruel She can break stained glass windows and zap Martin Toole And she sends Ross an axe and then fades out with glee They had barely a hope Against Natasha Pope And she's always Morghanna to me

Based on Billy Joel's 1976 song Miami 2017 (Seen the Lights Go Out On Broadway). Lyrics, Video I turned on Knightmare on a Monday I saw the starting team laid low And then DISMISS, walk-off and pals who fade There was no turning back 36 years ago Maeve held a block of soap for Lillith And not a comb for an afro Mark turned old Mogdred down Continued underground He was the first to win the show I've seen a child go down a wellway In Alistair's case, with a scream Then in the Corridor of Blades he's first to fall Next one was Series 5, the 42nd team Ben burned the Shield out of an ice block Like a stage-managed little chore Then ice was everywhere Including Lord Fear's lair Where frightknights turning were a bore I've seen a child drop off a causeway I saw the tiles detach and fall Sophia wasn't prone to flattery Elita went on strike Disliked the human's gall They sent a Barry out from Dunshelm And he went yakking loud and free Met wizards, queens and fae His shield stopped being grey Found a troll hammer on his spree Not every child was bright on Knightmare That was so many years ago Before CITV's Old Skool Weekend With Spatz and Super Gran and Mike & Angelo There are still many who remember In Knightmare Chat, at Knightmare Live They tell the world about The world Tim Child set out And keep the memory alive

Hahah... the title lyric in particular made me chortle.

Based on One Of Us by ABBA (1981). Video, lyrics They passed me by, all of those necromancers There was no way to tune in for my rightful answers A dungeoneer, getting clues wasn't easy Until there came a new foe When Lord Fear joined the show Now his plans are also ours to know Four of us are spying There's no magnifying Save for watchers' dread Staring in the spyglass Listening until his eyes turn red (Though it looks alarming, not sure that it's harming) Hear his henchmen toady Get a causeway code we Need so I don't fall Somehow thanks to magic, we see into his pool Or in Series 5, his crystal ball It's safe to spy thanks to delayed reaction It takes him minutes to pick up the hated infraction Just like Tim Child, his middle name is Maurice Each time his scheming will flow And we're hearing him crow Then it changes: suddenly he'll know...

A parody of Vindaloo by Fat Les (1998). Music video with original lyrics in the description Where am I? In a room Sword, shield, cup, crown In the dungeon We begin on Level One Sidestep Nah nah nah, nah nah nah Nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah Nah nah nah (enter), nah nah nah (stranger) Nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah Nah nah nah, nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah We're on a quest We're gonna quest the whole way through Knightmare Can I introduce you please To the well that's Mrs. G's? "Knit one, purl one "Drop one ... hurl one" Nah nah nah (shuddup), nah nah nah (Festus) Nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah Nah nah nah (falsehood), nah nah nah (first step) Nah nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah Nah nah nah (clue room), nah nah nah (DISMISS) Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah We're on a quest If it goes wrong we'll get an "Ooh... ...Nasty" Me and me knapack and helmet and sprite We're in a void of blue Me and me knapack and helmet and sprite And a wellway to Level Two Wellway Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, where we'll meet bold black McGrew We're on a quest Is he a Scot, is that untrue? Verrey Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, where a spell from Merlin's due We're on a quest Two out of two or it just won't do Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, Level Two, nah nah Level Two, Level Two, watch for goblin retinues We're on a quest Brace for the horn, don't follow through Knightmare

Andrew, advisor from Series 4 Team 4, sings a parody of Steppin' Out by Joe Jackson (1982). Music video with original lyrics available as subtitles Now DISMISS is not the spell we want to hear It means that we are going with our dungeoneer Heading home and out of here Leaving with no prize We had Pickle's help to get through Level One He and an angry tree troll saved us from a hun We took a horn to Doom from Dunn What comes after pride? Simon, steppin' left Into the hole Out of control [x2] With Gundrada we got practice at charades While CITV viewers tried to name her blade Do you think we'll make the grade Steppin' left tonight? You can dress in pink not blue, so says Tim Child And in the Block and Tackle there are fallen tiles You'll fall too in just a while If you follow me Simon, steppin' left Into the hole Out of control... [x4]